Introduction to Cuckolding

Introduction to Cuckolding

If you’re reading this site for the first time and your husband/wife has just recently began sharing this idea with you, or perhaps it’s a long-lived fantasy only now receiving renewed attention, please continue reading.

Cuckolding takes what is perceived as the largest threat to a marriage and turns it into something that binds a couple closer together.

First, please understand and appreciate that for one spouse to bring this idea up to the other is an expression of love and trust. As skeptical as you might naturally be, I will take it as a positive sign that you are here to learn more.

Second, take it from a man who has been directly involved in this lifestyle as a Dom for over a decade now that done correctly, this lifestyle will bring a couple even closer emotionally than ever before – even for couples who already have a good relationship. Yes, it may sound strange at first that inviting another man into your marriage, and dare I say, inside the wife, will bring you closer, it’s true.

Why / How Cuckolding Isn’t Cheating

In short: Cheating is a violation of trust; cuckolding is an expansion and exploration of trust.

Cheating is so destructive because of the secrecy. Without being involved and aware of what’s going on, the husband is left feeling nothing but fear and potential loss. This is not the case with cuckolding. Husband and wife should share everything regarding this experience. When this is done within a loving, trusting marriage, the husband can focus on the erotic elements of such an adventure with his wife instead of being overwhelmed with anger, fear and doubt.

Wives have a hard time with the idea of sharing so much about their experiences with someone else. Their instinct is to protect their husband from such details, but for several reasons, these detailed exchanges are the key to happy and successful cuckolding.

Things Aren’t Always What They Seem

In our society, religion has imposed behavior upon us which restricts intimacy to married couples. I reject this, obviously, but not necessarily out of disregard for religion but moreso out of respect for our biology which was formed long before religion decided our lives for us.

As I discuss in my article entitled “The Biology of Cuckolding”, as a species, we were wired very differently than we are expected to behave in contemporary society. This is one reason why this lifestyle can appeal to so many. At an instinctive level, polyamory is actually more natural than what we practice today. The odds are actually pretty high that one of you neighbors has or is interested in one or more aspects of cuckolding.

Humans being the complex animals we are, there are also other factors at play. Most of these are mental and emotional components that relate to our basic biology, but are also related to social norms, taboos and expressions of dominance and submission (which are a natural part of the fabric of human existence).

It’s a Win-Win situation.

Most of the couples I’ve been involved with or coached loved each other and were very happy in their relationship, but were missing something. In most cases that was simple sexual fulfillment. It could be the husband has a small penis, lacks stamina or is simply not the assertive personality their wife fantasizes about giving herself to. Cuckolding allows this couple to experience greater sexual satisfaction while still enjoying the other aspects of their relationship. If you think about it, it’s much easier to find someone sexually compatible than someone compatible to share your life with, making this dynamic a natural fit for many couples who want their love and their sex to be fulfilling.

Tending The Marital Garden

 

36 Comments

  1. Love the picture where the man obviously takes over the willing wife – both smiling at the cuckold with the camera…gimme more!

  2. my husband want me to be the subject of the “win-win” situation. Thank you for the site and i look forward to chatting with you!!!

    • hi juliet….so how do u plan to cuckold ur husband? :>

  3. So interesting??????? Why is this different than other sharing?

    • The primary differences between cuckolding and other forms of sharing (swinging or an open marriage) is that cuckolding refers to a sharing lifestyle where the husband remains faithful to his wife as she enjoys other men and where the husband’s sexual role is not one of leadership within the marriage. The dynamic varies among couples and can also depend on the other man (or men) involved with the couple. When involved with a Dom, the authority transferred to the wife, by the husband, is also then transferred by her, in many ways, to the Dom, leaving both spouses directly and indirectly submissive to the Dom.

  4. Do you think it’s important to have an actual cuckold contract to set out in clear detail what the rules of the relationship entails?

    • Cuckolding is based on trust and communication, so any rules or customs you might establish should be as easily adhered to and honored verbally as through a written contract. Where the written contract has value is as a framework to help you walk through the various options and the impacts they will have. This is a very erotic experience as well, speaking as the Dom, to be involved in that process.

  5. what about guys that have no kind of sexual issues like size, stamina, impotence or just general know how, but are kinky enough to want to live this fantasy out.
    what would you recommend then?

    • This lifestyle isn’t at all limited to couples where his performance is an issue. Her being satisfied with your sexlife doesn’t mean she can’t enjoy better. In fact, just enjoying someone other than her husband can be a huge thrill because of the kink of it being someone else inside her.
      Most often, cuckolding is about roles; the husband wants to share his wife and not be the decision maker. Most often he desires she be more assertive and choose a lover for herself, for example, but for many wives, this is a difficult role if they are a submissive personality.
      Sharing isn’t limited to submissive-leaning husband’s though. If you are the dominant partner in your marriage, you can also share her as a Dom where you are the one to choose who she pleasures and how.
      I’ve know more cuckolds of average (or better) size/stamina than I have the ‘stereotypical’ cuckold with a small penis.

      • My wife and I have been married for 32 years and I started sharing her with other men while we were still engaged. I have an average sized penis, and in the early years of our marriage my sexual stamina and performance would have been considered normal. Even though my wife was satisfied with my sexual performance, she really enjoyed the attention of strangers, along with the naughtiness and the newness of having sex with strange men. I, of course, also found the thought of my wife with these other men extremely exciting, and I found that as our marriage progressed, I put less effort into satisfying my wife sexually. This was not due to laziness, or indifference, but an exciting realization on my own part that as my sexual prowess diminished, her sexual experiences with other men would be more favorable in comparison. I found this realization increasingly exciting, and stopped trying to delay my orgasms during sex with my wife, with the knowledge and anticipation that if I finished too quickly, it might increase the odds of her trying to find another man to “take care of the job” the following weekend when she was out dancing at a local bar. About eight years into our marriage, my wife started having an affair with her boss with my encouragement. The relationship quickly grew quite intense first physically, and then also emotionally. I remember one morning just before we started having sex, my wife informed me that she and Gary were going to be able to spend some “alone time” later that afternoon. Like many husbands in our situation, this type of information just before starting sex caused me to ejaculate soon after starting. My wife just kind of chuckled and said “Don’t worry, Gary will take care of me later!”……… I thought about this throughout the day, thinking about how much better Gary would be in comparison to me when my wife spread for him later that afternoon. I wondered if my wife would think about that while Gary was inside her, and maybe even share with him how better this was than her husband’s “attempt” earlier that morning. From then on, every time we had sex, I tried to cum as quickly as possible, using the thought of how much better Gary would be in comparison as fuel for my hurried ejaculation. I can clearly remember my wife stating after one of these quick interludes “That wasn’t even worth the mess!”………… By the end of their eight-month affair, I was completely, and irreversibly, a severe premature ejaculator, no longer able to bring my wife to orgasm using my penis. From then on, my wife was not only looking to other men for attention and the naughtiness of something new, but as a way to receive sexual satisfaction while a hard penis was thrusting inside of her. Over time, the frequency of intercourse with my wife diminished drastically. Her needs were met by other men, her vibrator, or my tongue. My needs were met by a quick hand job. At one point, as an amusing game, she used to set a kitchen timer for one minute starting with my penis completely and utterly flaccid, giving me only one minute to complete my orgasm. She would do her best during that one minute to coax me to orgasm, but as soon as the bell went off, she removed her hand and I was not allowed to touch myself. In the early days of the game I would often be on the verge of orgasm as the bell went off and have to wait a couple more agonizing days before I would get another chance. Or even worse my orgasm would hit the point of no return just as the bell went off, leaving me to ejaculate while thrusting futilely into the air, in an unsatisfying ruined orgasm. Over time she trained me to “beat the clock” every time, my ejaculation occurring while my penis was still mostly flaccid, not having enough time to engorge. I believe that this practice, over an extended time was a major contributor to my increasing erectile dysfunction, which was never worrisome since I really no longer had use for a hard on. So as you can see, this lifestyle doesn’t have to occur because of a husband’s inadequate penis. In my situation the inadequate penis was the direct result of the lifestyle!

        • Sounds like you were getting ready even before marriage by sharing her which would have taken the edge of jealousy later when you learned to be a cuckold. Sounds like you have a good marriage with a loving wife loving you so much she was willing to train you properly at the start of the cuckold lifestyle.

    • On my second marriage to a wonderful and very attractive young woman ten years younger than myself I discovered I was extremely aroused with the idea of her having sex with another man. I had no problem with size, stamina or performance; I just wanted to see her aroused and satisfied by another man. Today, after nine years I can honestly state, “there is nothing more sexually excitng than to see another man exciting her as he has intercourse with her.” While I have no sexual interest in other women, I enjoy other men satisfying her.

      My wife was reluctant and refused my suggestions initially, but after several years, my persistence and an opportunity one evening at an alternative night club , she succumbed to another man while I was talking with his wife. I only observed their coupling after they had almost completed the sexual act. My wife was flushed, excited and embarrassed, but we discussed it later at home and she admitted she had enjoyed it tremendously. Since that time we have sought eleigible, well-endowed men for her and I work to keep both of them happy.

      • That’s a great story, Charlie – shows other couples that being persistent can pay off.

        It also makes a point I’ve made before: the desire for husbands to see their wives enjoy other sexual partners isn’t limited to the husbands who are unable to pleasure their wives adequately. The analogy I use is that we all pretty much have a favorite flavor of ice cream, but it certainly doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy a few scoops of many others.

        • The wife of a cuckold is given a choice. And from time to time she might take that choice. A cuckold is a man who offers his wife a choice because reality must prevail. He knows that she needs more than he can provide. He knows he cannot meet the burden. So introducing his wife to cuckolding makes complete sense, in spite of the voice in his head saying no. He introduces her to choice because without choice for her, their marriage has nothing. With choice for her, with another man offering her satisfaction, their marraige is reborn with hope. A cuckold deeply loves his wife. And he should appreciate the man who offers satisfaction to his wife. Any feelings of jealousy and humiliation are there for the most honorable cause.

  6. I think my wife is spoiled by me in allowing her to cuckold me and my reward is her sexual happiness. Not that I can’t satisfy her myself, but I enjoy spoiling her by giving her something I don’t have. I’m properly endowed, almost eight inches, but our cuckold relationship has always been JJ with a well endowed black man and two of them have been ten inches and four times as thick as I am while one of them is eleven inches, Seeing and hearing her with these friends is truly a tingling experience. I’m not sure I could tolerate it if we had not been members of an ‘alternative nightclub’ (an off-premise swinger’s club) for three years and an actual swinger’s club for one year. While we didn’t swing except on one occasion, we did everything but with a number of couples. We decided to find men for her and the first time this occurred was by accident with a black friend we ran into who we’d known at our old club. Janet has five black paramours she sees from time to time. I am not effeminate and I’m damn sure not humiliated and if anyone tried to control my orgasms they would be displeased by my response.

    • I do think you are a great husband and from your post it still sounds as if you are in controle of the situation,but more like you are not having any of the fun ,it should go both ways,she is having fun and she should work with you to have your fun too

  7. I am intrigued by this site and looking for a cuckhold realtionship and leading to a marraige

  8. I fail to see how a couple who is not married can establish a cuckold relationship. With a single male and a single female the female lacks any reason to cuckold the male. He is just a sucker and wimp for other males and the odd man out. In a husband/wife relationship it’s an entirely different ball game…

    • Totally wrong! I have had 2 extremely long relationships, (one over 20 yrs) Every bit as commited as marriage. It is all in the relationship and the mind set of the couple, little to do with marriage and your bit of paper!

    • As tanandy said, the requirement is commitment, not a piece of paper. Having said that, a couple is more likely to have that commitment and to have more things to create a bond if they are married, but cuckolding in a long-term, committed relationship will work just fine.

    • Now that the number of couples that opt for commitment without the ceremonial/legal cover is increasing dramatically, I think we’ll see a lot more cuckolding of unmarried men. After all, it is the sexual relationship that is in play, not the legal one.

    • I think love is not all about sex ,if you are a young couple and for some other reason you cannot get it up ,that means you have to live alone ,or if she still love you ,and have a little fun some time?

  9. Instead of a marriage ending; the cuckold lifestyle offers a new begining.
    What is not right about a man making sure his wife is pleased. Maybe the husband could not please her from the begining, or, can no longer please her.
    The marriage need not be over. Other men have actually helped me with my wife. And I want her to feel real pleasure. And so I have watched and I have waited.

  10. Has anyone talked about what it’s like when you actually watch a relationship develop between your wife and another man, because that’s Kind of what happed to me. I have to admit that for some odd reason I have always been turns on by humiliation in general but when you watch another man seduce your wife it the journey along the way that is more insidious. I’m talking about the kind of humiliation that patently waits in the shadows then sneaks up and rips a small bite out of you. For a while back my wife was seriously considering a divorce. This was for a variety of different reason that included my condescending attitude and over all laziness in the bed room. Her girlfriends weren’t all that crazy about me either. So when this divorce thing came up I was hell bent on winning her back. She said several time that she appreciated everything that I was doing but it wasn’t me, and all this fawning over her was a little much. She didn’t agree to take divorce off the table but all my begging got her to agree to work on our marriage, but now there were ground rules and boundaries. The thing that I really didn’t like was when she said to me almost apologetically that she didn’t want to have sex with me for a while. She reiterated how much she loved me but that she just wasn’t sexually attracted to me “right now”. I knew this was going to ether be a big problem or a serendipitous opportunity because my wife is a very sexual person and guys were always trying to hit on her. Over the next few weeks we made considerable progress and she would give me an occasion hand job.
    With the Encouragement of her friends she applied for and got a job as a Police Dispatcher. There were a few of the girls who messing around on their husbands with a few of the guys and It wasn’t long before her friends introduced her to Scott. Of course he fit the typical clichés that you read about in the cuckold communities. A formidable looking man who personified the mean white guy look, over 6 feet tall an athlete of course! Women considered him very attractive. My wife was blasé about him, she told him she was married but Scott didn’t care. He was bold and was accustom to getting what he wanted. My wife’s coolness presented some kind of challenge to him and she was flattered by his overtures. Eventually she relented and began got out to lunch with him which led to going out with the girls and he would just pop up. My wife would tell me about her friends and then sort of shoe horn her “friend “Scott into the Story. It wasn’t long before Scott’s name became ubiquitous. My concerned were dismissed as paranoid or jealous. Well she was right I was all of those things but I was also intrigued. My wife under the pretext of alleviating my fears introduced me to him. The second I saw him I knew he wanted my wife. As soon as Scott met me I could sense that he knew there was no way I could poses a threat or stop him from seeing my wife. Sometimes I would come home to find him on our patio having a beer with my wife talking shop about all the internal stuff that goes on at work. My wife actually picked me up from work once driving his truck. Then one day I heard she was at a local Denny’s with a group of her friends so I thought I would just drop in.
    As soon as I walk In I see my wife sitting in a large semi-circle booth next to Scott who had his arm draped around her while friends prattled on about whatever they were taking about. When they saw me the girls had this oh shit look on their face while a couple of her friends chuckled at the awkwardness of it all. When my wife and Scott Saw me he didn’t even take his arm off from around her and looked at me and had kind of a rye smirk on his face. I literally sat at the end of the table trying to pretend that I wasn’t going crazy or that I didn’t have an enormous hard on under the table. Then this nosey overly loquacious waitress in her mid-40’s came up to pour everyone more coffee and made the comment that my wife and Scott looked like a cute couple and inquired how long they have been together. Her friends started at me to gauge my reaction not because they were concerned about me but because it seemed like they were actually enjoying my discomfort. Then Silvia who was one of the girls at the table laughs and tells her that “I was the husband and that Scott and my wife are just friends” The waitress seemed embarrassed and looked at me like I was a fool before leaving. After I left the drive home was seemed long because I was so horny I thought I would explode in my pants. When I got home I stripped naked and was masturbating to images of them together.

  11. I actually agreed to a threeway when we were tipsy once people left. We recently got married, high school sweethearts, and neither of us had planned it. I kinda suspected something cause they always seemed comfortable around the house and it wasn’t the same sometimes when I went down on her but, I figured it was hot outside and she just got off work. I walked in on them one day when I got off early. She said take a shower she was gonna make something to eat when she’s finished.

    I was jealous and hurt. He could tell I was upset I didn’t speak a word. He told me she’s not cheating i agreed the first time not a big deal. But, I was involved and agreed to it. He told me he would stop if it upset me and what could I say. I work almost 70hrs a week. If he was drunk and we were sleeping he would come in and wake her up and do her next to me.

    During her time of the month we don’t have sex and she said I will be included next time. The next day he was helping me fix my car in the garage and she stopped in when she got home from work. We talked a bit and she was gonna shower and he walked over and started kissing her and I started playing with her tits and he was rubbing her over her underwear. She told him it was that time and he told her it was ok. He pulled lifter her dress, pulled down her underwear, and took out the tampon. She asked me to go down on here there was no blood. She was horny and I couldn’t get hard under pressure. He told her to get and her hands and knees on the floor so the wouldn’t make a mess. she liked it. After I cleaned her up. Eventually I started giving him head when he came to get him hard again. Now things are getting different.

    • A woman just have a hole,if she is aroused or not,all she have to do is to get on her back or belly ,either she love it or nought .May be she was in love with you in the beginning or not,you do not sound like a take charge man,not every one is a leader and she has found a leader and you became a follower and if you do the cleaning up why are you complaining ,Just enjoy it while it last,have a great day.

  12. My wife loving wife was surprised by my reaction when she told me of an affair with a man.
    My pupils dialted and I was totally turned on. The reverse reaction by me took her by surprise.
    Fast forward many months, my wife has accepted how this turns me on and is quite open with her open flirting at this time with a man. The rule is she tells me everything and whatever happens she stays with me.
    We have entered a new level in our relationship. She is not yet ready to include me if sex was involved with another man; perhaps suggesting her being with him in the bedroom if it happens while I’m in the adjoining bedroom.
    Her fantasies during sex are promising. I guess we have to move forward in a step wise fashion. On a positive note, her flirting and going out with this man has brought us much closer. That would be impossible for a lot of people to fathom. I think in most relationships a man considers his wife as property-a male trait probably from way back and hard wired in the form of dominance. I’m hard wired totally differently. My wife understands it and accepts me as who I am. The important thing is accepting myself too which I have.

    • @blueopals males, from a biology perspective, defend their females until they lose a challenge by another male. If you look at how other male mammals behave when it comes to contesting mating rights, most of the ‘fights’ are about perception; one sizes up the other and more often than not one sees the other as more deserving of the female than he is, so there’s no fight. When two more equal males compete, it takes more of a contest. We have the same instincts.

      • Luvr thanks for clarifying.

  13. So my bf and i are just starting out in this lifestyle. He has been interested in this lifestyle a long time and has some experience with it but I am fairly new to it. I have done tons of research and my bf and I have experimented with a bull already. How would you suggest to start out and work towards making this a fulfilling and lasting relationship for us? We are both open to learning and are looking for some training so that we can enjoy this lifestyle to its fullest potential. Any advice would be great. We are both very excited to embrace this relationship and to settle into it long term.

    • 6curious9 – you’re already well on your way toward making this a fulfilling and lasting relationship because you are experiencing it together. I think you’ve already discovered that it’s far easier to find a bull you’ll enjoy in bed than a life partner like your bf with whom you can share your entire life. This awareness is what helps you gain appreciation of your bf having a non-traditional role in your relationship and enables him to feel more aroused by these experiences than threatened. If you’d like more coaching, you can join the chat to talk to me or email me at luvr@this site.

  14. I am new to this site. It is a pleasure to see the subject dealt with in an intelligent non-judgmental fashion. I have known for a long time that I was a natural cuckold who enjoys, really loves, being submissive to a woman who has the beauty strength and power to cuckold me. My wife has cuckolded me many times. She tells me about the encounters, but has not permitted me to be directly involved. She knows I love it. She knows I can handle it, yet she is reluctant to allow me to watch. How do I get across this last barrier? Thanks for any new ideas.

    • You ask her to consider how unfair it would seem if you had expected and demanded to be present and watching each and every time. Never allowing a cuckold to participate in some way demonstrates a lack of respect for what you’ve given her already in terms of compromise – now it’s her turn.

  15. Thanks everyone for your experiences and reflections-these seem to emphasise that successful cuckold lifestyle is subtly different for different couples, but with a recurring theme-the wife gets to enjoy a vastly greater range of sexual pleasures whilst her husband/partner learns a great deal about giving and submission to her choices.

    It took me a long time to realise what a turn on it is to relate with couples and to enjoy a wife who cuckolds her husband. I am not rambo-but reasonably intelligent, emotionally too. I’m no guru or expert, simply an assertive male who likes to be with a woman in a certain way. I think that you start to explore your narratives, the stories that you rehearse to make sense of your desires and experiences. ‘Stories’ sound a bit delusional, but rest assured, the psychologists tell us that we all use them-otherwise the complexity of experience would be very confusing indeed. Think of going to the dentist-we all have our explanations of what that is like and what it will be like in the future! Sex with the right woman is infinitely preferable, so back to that. I know that I like a submissive woman, but one who clearly has command of another man. There is a frisson about that-something competitive….but responsible too. I enjoy her so much precisely because she is someone else’s, that she retains an ‘other’ life and that what I do fuels that in their way too. I like women who are bitches to their husbands, so the ideal couple for me are those into some degree of husband humbling (see luvr’s other post on that).

    Now it seems to me that what’s important at the start of cuckolding explorations is that not only should couples share their fantasies (what happens, what is done) but their narratives of what they will be like as a couple, after she starts seeing another guy. If that is openly rehearsed then the thing can blossom and a naturally cautious woman can realise just how much richer and instinctive and fulfilling her life can be. She is the recipient of a superb gift from her husband, one that she knows he has committed to and gives afresh each day.

    If I am to partner that wife, to make it even sexier for her as well as for me, I need to contribute to the couple’s story of who they are now. I need to understand what makes her feel really horny. So we date, we talk a lot and the fucking is part of something bigger. It reassures her that I am not trying to steal her away, but that she arouses the lustiest thoughts within me. The way she is with him, dismissive, independent and madam, makes me want to service her all the more. The stories intertwine. Centre stage is the woman- exploring all she can be with two men, submissive, commanding and wilful.

  16. This is an interesting article & I hope one day the sooner the better I can persuade my woman to introduce another man (preferably black) into the relationship since i lack stamina while he can give her an intercourse induced orgasm.

  17. Interesting points. We all clearly have different views on what cuckolding is. Indeed I have had many discussions and sometimes arguments in the chat room on this site as to “How” a cuckold marriage should actually be. If the wife/girlfriend and partner are happy that her seeing other men or having a lover is exciting, thrilling, fulfilling and brings them closer..then I don’t see an issue. Personally it is I who has encouraged and instigated my wifes liaisons over the last few years and it has been a wonderful experience for both of us. Her latest lover has been her longest encounter and it is developing very well. He has made love to her whilst I have been present..whilst I have been at work..away from home..arranged..and unplanned..each time exciting , pleasuring and satisfying my wife..and me!! They text and flirt constantly and this contact between them is also exciting for both of us. We agreed that I could always read her interactions via text and she leaves her phone for me to read…and it excites me. The messaging has started to change from simple sexting and flirting..and is becoming more intimate..they frequently tell each other how much they enjoy their liaisons and the lovemaking…but I have now started to read a different aspect to their relationship…They are starting to have emotional feelings and they are saying how much they adore each other..how much they need each other…how she loves having him in our bed…I find this immensely erotic and beautiful..that my wife wants this other man…am I afraid she will fall for him? No not at all..I want her to. If she says she loves him I will be so pleased for her..
    I know she would never actually leave our marriage..as I give her everything she needs. Her having another man to satisfy her and be someone she can trust and want enough to give her love to is wonderful..if our circumstances allowed it..I would gladly give up my bed to him. I am a cuckolded husband.

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