Family Friendly Cuckolding

Hiding your lifestyle from the family (children) isn’t always the best idea.

We tend to think of cuckolding as something sexual and at the explicit level, it is, but at a more basic level, it’s really about friendships, trust and communication. These are values and skills all parents should impart on their kids. I’m certainly not advocating exposing children to sex acts, but having them aware that there’s another male who is a trusted part of the family can be positive for everyone.

What kids fear most is that something is wrong in the marriage and mom and dad might split up. When a wife is dating and getting properly fucked, it will change everything – for her and her husband; better moods, more tickling in the bedroom, so to speak, and kids notice that. They’ll also notice changes to her dress, changes to her behavior and schedule. You can still hide most of that, but it only takes one event – like overhearing a hushed phone call to assume the worst. This call could have been between husband and wife regarding her upcoming date, but the child wont know that and might simply assume she’s talking to someone she shouldn’t be.

 

Dating

With my first couple in this scenario, we hid everything very well, we thought.  The wife would come meet me  and we’d spend a couple hours at a club usually before going back to my place (some nights I’d have him dress her in nothing but lingerie and she’d  come straight to my place). I’d usually get her home in a few hours, but sometimes got her home barely before the kids were up.

After about two months of this, her husband was getting anxious that he wasn’t involved. We talked a fair amount on the phone and online and I knew he wanted to be more involved. They got babysitters a few times so he could also come to my place, but that wasnt very often, so I started to pick her up at their place after the kids were in bed. I would inspect her in front of him; lift her skirt, check she was soft and smooth (and naked under her skirt) and sometimes make her go change if I didn’t approve of something he chose for her. By the time we left there’d be a big wet spot of pre-cum, or cuckold tears as I call it, showing in his sweat pants where his erection was bobbing around.

 

Busted

This was working well for another month or so and I was seeing her at least twice a week, but then they told me their daughter, who was 9 or 10, had started behaving a  bit defiantly – definitely out of character. We talked about a lot of stuff – we were friends, too, not just Dom/couple, but when we saw a little face peering at her mother and me leaving one night from a guest bedroom window that faced the driveway, we knew we were ‘busted’ and then knew why she’d been acting funny.

 

Perception Works Both Ways

Here’s the thing though: it wasn’t seeing us together that had caused the anxiety – it was overhearing hushed conversations, hushed calls, seeing her mother’s much shorter dresses, skirts and new lingerie that made her worry mom was having an affair and was going to leave. It wasn’t even that she saw her mother wearing it – she saw it in the closet and in the laundry.

We almost called it off, but I convinced them to try something else instead to try and heal what happened rather than just avoid it and that next Saturday, I came over for BBQ and we all behaved like we’d been friends all our lives. We talked about it every day leading up to it to plan it out. My idea was to let the same powers of observation that brought her to fearing what was going on also show her it was ok and that her father was both aware and enjoyed my friendship with her mother (their son was oblivious being only 3).

That day and over several others that followed, their daughter saw for herself that I was their friend and that when her mother would  kiss me at the door (like she would her husband and not like family), her father would just smile and tell me he was happy I could make it. When I put my arm around her with my fingers brushing the bottoms of her breasts to hug her to me I knew their daughter would watch her father for a reaction and when she saw only a positive one, she just went back to what she was playing with.

This way, without explaining anything, their daughter began to feel comfortable that things were just fine with mom and dad and she pretty much quit paying me any attention when I was there and she was, in fact, the first to refer to me as her mother’s boyfriend. I think she meant it rather innocently as in her mothers friend who is a boy, but it sure had the cuckold swollen in his sweatpants!

 

Dating – Openly

By that point we could date openly and the idea of her mom  and I going out was just another item on the schedule like getting homework done before watching TV.  I would sometimes stay overnight after bringing her home and the eldest was surprised the first time, but didn’t really seem to care one way or the other to find me there in the morning.

I used this approach with another couple whose kids were slightly older right from the start and it worked very well – same pattern, same reaction.

I realize this might not work out for all couples, for all families, but as with many things, being open, without being explicit, can be the best option.

While allowing children to witness explicit sexual activity may not be appropriate, nudity is natural and such expressions of trust and familiarity between the wife and her lover, when the husband is present, speaks volumes without a single word needing to be spoken.

 

Boyfriend Integration

How to walk this path...

Extending The Commitment

About The Author

A loving dominant for couples since 1996, Luvr has personally enjoyed introducing and exploring cuckolding and D/s with couples for over a decade. Luvr launched FMSB.org in 1996 as a free community and resource to help educate individuals and couples about erotic cuckold marriages. FMSB.org became CuckoldMarriage.info in 2011.

28 Response to Family Friendly Cuckolding

  1. s.i.c. on September 15, 2011

    Thank you for this write up, as it was one of the things bothering me most, and it helped me see the light. Our child is not yet two, so if I can get her to start soon, it could be seen as something normal and had allways been the case, and would allow play at out home, on dates, and even trips would not seem odd to our child. The other thing that it would help out with, is if she did get pregnant, it would just be a larger family and not the destruction of it, and that’s important as I really can’t see an abortion being an option for us.

    • Luvr on September 15, 2011

      The risk of nature taking its course is always present when your wife is being inseminated and even higher when she orgasms frequently with him.

      Having her new mate continue to be part of your lives is good for everyone if he fits and is part of the marriage and family.

  2. kirkspanx on October 21, 2011

    Thank you so much for bringing this issue to light. Traditionally people will hide and sneak around their kids, we think that is the wrong way to do it.

    We have taken a completely different approach and it has been working wonderfully for us.

    We have a daughter 15yo, and boys 17yo and 11yo. My wife has a regular lover now (Eric) for over 6 years, along with 2 other regular lovers (Shane) and (Rod) for the past 3 and 4 years respectively. She sees Eric on average about twice per week, sometimes more, and Shane and Rod on average about twice per month each. All 3 Men are much better endowed than I am and my penis has been retired and locked with the occasional reminders on important dates.

    We decided a long time ago to not have the secretive lifestyle that usually comes along with cuckolding. While we do not broadcast it to the entire world, we prefer to have our closest friends and family know about our lifestyle. We are very blunt: if you love us and see that we are happy then you will be happy for us. If you don’t then that is your choice. For the most part our closest friends and family have come to accept it and somewhat support us. It has always been my responsibility to explain our lifestyle to the people that we choose. I have to admit that those conversations are often difficult for me, as the questions arise “why”, to which my wife prefers that I answer “because it turns us both on and because they can satisfy her in ways that I cannot”.

    Since young, we have been very careful to raise our kids with the understanding and acceptance that Mommy has “very special friends”. They know that we are extremely happy, I think once they see how happy we are then they are also well adjusted, confident and comfortable. That is very important to us.

    Eric visits our home. Has dinner with us (taking the seat at the head of the table) or takes my wife out on their date. Shane and Rod do the same, however not as often. They do not act lewd or sexual around our kids, it is just a nice relaxing time. They know that Mommy is dressing special for her “very special friends”, in clothes only reserved for Eric, Shane and Rod. and they are fine with that. Eric openly kisses and hugs my wife in our presence and again our kids are well adjusted to it. We have a “Mommy first” attitude in our home that works very well.

    I know this is not the ideal answer for everyone, but for us it works very well. With careful guideance and understanding then I think it is possible for this to work well in a family situation and for the kids to adjust well to it, like ours have.

    I do think that it should be the husbands duty to explain things to any family or friends.

    Kirk

  3. statenwife on October 27, 2011

    looking back we made a mistake hiding our lifestyle,as the kids have gotten older it has become more differcult to explain certain things

  4. erosferrarese on February 7, 2012

    Luvr very kind, I saw that the site has reopened after (I assume) some technical problems. I am writing again because my post is gone, and I take this opportunity to rewrite it more clearly: I would like to receive more tips, other explanations of how to explain to children the philosophy cuckolding. I think there are differences based on age: children, adolescents, young adults. I also think that there are differences, as well as by age, by sex of children: a boy or a girl may feel differently in the choice of parents’ lives … how do you explain it? thanks again! bellissimoil your site!

    • Luvr on February 12, 2012

      @erosferrarese, there are indeed many variables when it comes to more openly exercising a cuckold marriage lifestyle. The childrens’ ages do come into play as do their basic personalities and how well the relate/don’t relate to their parents. Boys tend to be more ambivalent while girls tend to be polar: either very supportive or initially very critical.
      It’s not so much about how to explain it, but rather how to let them see for themselves that it’s healthy, non-threatening.
      When they do ask questions, answer honestly, but there’s no need to answer in great detail, especially for younger children as they can’t absorb concepts above their experience level anyway. For example, if a child asks why mom has a boyfriend, the proper simple answer isn’t because he’s a better lover, but because she is much happier after they’ve spent time together and her being happy is important to you. For an older child who might ask if you two are swingers, you could say no, we’re not, but then also ask them what they think that means and if they would be upset if you were and if upset, why? Do they think it means you and your wife aren’t happy? Nothing could be further from the truth.
      Again, circumstances are so individual that you’re better off giving me more detail as to the circumstances in your marriage rather than taking a shotgun approach.

  5. erosferrarese on February 13, 2012

    Dear Luvr, thanks for the answer. I know a couple of friends who have a 14 year old daughter. From a couple of years the wife has a lover, aware of her husband, and wanted her lover began to attend their home, since they can not keep a secret to her daughter this report and this way of life .. . I replied that this is not to explain, but to make it clear to children that it is a healthy thing and there is nothing wrong. What I can recommend this pair of friends?! Thanks for your help!

  6. Luvr on February 13, 2012

    I would recommend that you first have them read this article and then if their English is as good as yours, stop by and chat with me and I will be glad to help them understand the process.

  7. erosferrarese on February 14, 2012

    thanks very kind of you! refer and possibly invite them to contact you!

  8. wimpwhoknowsit on April 18, 2012

    My wife a 12 yr old daughter from her first marriage, and i have two sons from my first marriage. We knew right away not to hide it – kids today are far too intelligent and worldly not to pick up on it. was very VERY difficult for me but easier in the long run, and it also made me realize that all three kids knew who i was and the nature of our relationship. It wasn’t a revelation, just a moment of putting everything into the open.

    • woodie54 on April 19, 2013

      Very interesting story ,my question is ,how do your sons accept your wife ?How do they accept her doughter? How does the daughter accept your son ,Let’s say you and your wife was out for dinner and then you return home to find your sons having sex with your daughter?how will you think about that situation?

  9. CoMocuck on August 26, 2012

    Our 6 year old son has seemed very accepting of our Black Bull, Neal. Neal has met out son, played video games and been out to dinner with us. He has been there at bedtime and still there the next morning. When He spends the night however, He stays in the spare bedroom “just in case” our son wakes up early. Our biggest concern is “mom’s” parents. Her father is very religious (an Elder in the Christian Chruch) and Her mother’s family is moderately racist. We aren’t sure how much our son might say around grandparents. Any ideas on how we can deal with it?

    • Luvr on August 27, 2012

      Congratulations on your lifestyle, CoMocuck – you will be the envy of many here who still seek this level of commitment.

      Your son may not even think it worth mentioning to others that Neal is black as he may still be unaware, hopefully, that there can be bias against interracial friendships, let alone intimacy. Let’s assume though that he does mention your ‘friend Neal’ and it somehow comes up that he’s black – so what? I think that given the family situation, you are actually doing right by your son by presenting racial acceptance and not raising him in a bigoted environment. My mother chose to break that chain with me and I never knew how racist my grandfather was until I was in my early 20s. Should the family or anyone raise an issue about you two having a black friend, it presents you an opportunity to go on the attack and shame whomever it is for such a blatant expression of racism and it becomes a very teachable moment for your son.

      By the time your son is old enough to put the pieces together for himself and realize that Neal is much more than a friend, he’ll also understand that this is just how his family is and that for you and your wife, having this relationship with Neal is just part of your family life.

  10. kirkspanx on August 29, 2012

    It would be nice if Luvr could add a “like” tab to the comments area. I do beleive that he is spot on with his advice to CoMocuck. Well done.

  11. Mercator7841 on December 29, 2012

    My wife and I made a conscious decision right at the outset to keep this part of our lives a very well hidden secret from family and friends. For us it is slightly easier as we’ve never had a ‘regular’ Bull for her, preferring instead to meet strangers in hotels, and it’s usually a different guy each time. Even now our kids have grown up and in their teens, I don’t think they have the slightest clue that when we go out in the evening and don’t get back until late, it’s often because their mum has been royally fucked in a hotel room by a Bull. To the outside world we are just a very average couple, and because we are successful at hiding our ‘secret life’ I sometimes wonder whether any of our friends/neighbours etc also have a similar secret.

  12. jchandler00 on January 16, 2013

    Interesting article and comments. One thing you don’t address is how the attitudes of the children might change toward the father/cuckold. Will the children perceive that the father/cuckold is a lesser male with respect to their mother’s boyfriend? Will they see the father as a beta to the alpha boyfriend? How will that affect their relationship with the father/cuckold? Does anyone have experience with this?

    • Luvr on February 9, 2013

      jchandler00, if the father had the love and respect of his children, then that’s not likely to change. Being a cuckold, being a submissive doesn’t have to have any real bearing on his role as a father. Children witness disagreements and differences of opinion between their parents quite often, but don’t lose respect for one simply because the other parents is shown to be wrong or accepts the will of the other. There’s still a pecking order and despite the husband deferring to the wife, the children are still expected to defer to the father – that is of course assuming the parents haven’t been trying to be their kids’ best friends along the way. Yes, it’s expected that the kids will pick up on the dynamic of the bull/Dom having a dominant role based on the way the parents seek to please him and defer to his choices. This is a natural process and reinforces the reality of social ranking. One last point: it’s really the responsibility of the wife to ensure that the kids have an adequate and age appropriate appreciation for the gift her husband has given her and help them gain an appropriate perspective rather than simply view this from a traditional marriage perspective.

  13. 6curious9 on February 8, 2013

    Being new to this lifestyle I have full intentions of keeping it hidden from my family, friends, and kids. I come from a very religious home and should my family and friends ever know about this, chances are all relationships and contact will be disconnected. My bf, on the other hand, would like to share this with his family when the time is right and I have no issues with that. He respects my decision and I respect his.

  14. kirkspanx on February 14, 2013

    jchandler00, your question is not unique at all and is a very valid concern.

    My wife and I have been in a cuckolding marriage and lifestyle for 7+ years now. She has been with the same boyfriend for 5+ years. We actively searched for the right person who would integrate into our family successfully because we got tired of living a secretive life. Thankfully we did find the right person, his name is Eric.

    Over time Eric has successfully integrated into our family and into our lifestyle. Eric does not live-in but he spends a lot of time at our home and with our family.

    We have 2 boys and a daughter. Eric has taken a more active role in leadership in our home and with our family.

    We all accepted our natural roles in this relationship and it has been very rewarding for all of us, including our kids. We had the same concerns as you did, but thankfully the opposite has come true.

    Each of us (Eric, my wife and myself) have all had more time to contribute to our family with our natural gifts. Eric, for example, is excellent with helping with their homework and has been very good for us at leading discipline. I have been able to take more time and contribute with my natural gifts and so has my wife.

    It has had its challenges along the way, but overall has been a very positive experience.

    I think the vital key is making sure that everyone recognizes their strengths and weaknesses and all contributes in the way that they are able to best.

    We have not found that there has been any decline in how they respect either of us, in fact we are happier and are able to function more completely.

    Make sure that kids are not your number 1 focus in your marriage. To be successfull your marriage comes first. And if your marriage improves with the addition of a boyfriend for the wife making everyone happier, then the kids will thrive.

  15. JimandVal on April 16, 2013

    This is a really great conversation. Val and I have long mulled over the question of how much to disclose to our daughter. Like parents of all kinds, when she was little we felt that it was totally inappropriate to talk about our sex life with her. Now that she’s in high school we’re starting to see the situation differently. Though Val has always done a good job “covering her tracks” and her lovers have never come to our home, I think saying her mom is working late, away at a conference or visiting friends is clearly sounding less and less credible to her. Our fear is that, if she doesn’t know the truth, she’ll eventually assume that her mom’s having an affair — something that would send her into a panic since that so often ends in a messy divorce. Though Val isn’t totally convoked this is the right route to go, I think it’s totally appropriate for her to sit down with our daughter and calmly explain that she and I are totally devoted to each other, but that she also enjoys seeing other men and that, because I want her to be happy, I’m totally supportive of it (telling her that I’m a dud sexually and jack off thinking of her mom with her lovers would be too much information to disclose at first). Outside of letting her know that she doesn’t have to worry about Val and I staying together, I think it would also be great for her to know that it’s okay for her to see more than one boy if she wants AND that there are some guys out there (like dear old dad) who are totally okay with it. I should add that when Val was in h.s. she was called the school slut because she liked seeing different guys. It was very hurtful and it would have made all the difference in the world to her had her parents told her there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.

    • Luvr on April 16, 2013

      Perhaps instead of trying to sit down with her and explain it, you may want to consider the example used in my experience. I understand that your daughter is a teen, but observations made by herself are far more weighted than any words can be.

      By that I mean if she were to overhear you two casually mentioning your wife’s planned evening out with (name), your daughter would know it’s not something you’re unaware of. Next, you let her notice that you are involved as your wife gets ready for this date. This is important because your wife must dress appropriately for the date to express the level of intimacy she has with her date. The reason you have to be involved in your wife getting ready, besides being appropriate from a lifestyle perspective, is so when your daughter notices how her mother is dressed for this (event) with the aforementioned ‘friend’, she won’t assume you just didn’t notice how your wife looks to meet this guy – she’ll know you wanted her to look good.

      Rather than make a big deal of it from the start, treat it casually, as if no big deal. From there I generally recommend letting her see your wife and her boyfriend interact briefly so she can see you all get along and happy. This disarms the ‘father doesn’t know’ assumption. By this point, she’s likely to ask a few questions, but remember that you don’t have to be detailed. She may only jokingly refer to her mother’s ‘boyfriend’ and you could easily reply in the same tone that ‘yeah, your mother and I are happy how that turned out’. That will either give her food for thought or set the tone for a more meaningful conversation on the topic.

      Stop by the chat if you’d like some more guidance on this.

      • JimandVal on April 16, 2013

        Thank you for you comments. In our family we have something of a tradition, though, of talking with our daughter very directly about “big issues” (and this would certainly rate as one). If she were to find out by overhearing conversatins between Val and I she would be angry and hurt that we didn’t tell her directly. However, I very much agree that it is important that she see how enthusiastic I am. One idea I had — that Val is very intrigued by — is that it would be fun for my daughter and I to go out together to buy her mom a new negilgee or two. From that we could move on to picking out and ordering more sexy attire for her mom over the internet (Val looks especially hot in crotchless body stockings). . Again, I think part of our goal as parents ought to be to let our daughter know that there’s nothing wrong with her seeing more than one guy if she wants (do others here feel that way?).
        On another topic, the issue was raised here about how the cuckold father would or should be perceived by their kids. I’m surprised that no one suggested that our sexual shortcomings be described as a basic disability (but one that we’ve learned to accept). The idea that a woman would see another man to have her needs met that her disabled husband can’t sounds quite rational. Do others agree?

  16. JimandVal on April 18, 2013

    P.S. After a thoughtful online discussion with Luvr this afternoon, this evening Val and I had the big discussion with our daughter. It ended about an hour ago. Rather than give a word-for-word recap, I can tell you that her basic reaction was blasé . She said that she wasn’t totally surprised (our stories about Val working late or having to go to weekend conferences had worn thin after a while). She did want to know if we planned to split up (an emphatic “no!” from us). She didn’t ask about sex much, but wanted to know if we were having threesomes and if I was bi (another “no”). Val told her that she loved me like no other man, but that she needed “a more intense sexual experience” that I can offer. My daughter asked “isn’t that really hard for you?”, but I was very clear with her that I liked it. Then the kicker: she said she “heard about the whole cuckolding thing” and it didn’t make sense to her why a husband would want it (all I could do was shrug my shoulders and tell her that it was very exciting for me that her mom had her own sex life). From there it got into details about who mom was seeing, whether their wives knew, where they go to have sex, etc. I asked how she’d feel if one of the men came over. She scrunched her face and said “I don’t know, that would be really weird.” Lots more I could tell, but our discussion seems to have been a success.

    • JimandVal on April 18, 2013

      P.P.S. Forget to report that we asked her to keep it in the family and not tell others. Her response was “yeah, right, like I’m going to tell my friends that my parents are into this!”

  17. JimandVal on April 19, 2013

    I hate to “hog the blog,” but when I got home this evening Val told me that she had talked with her friend Bill (in Atlanta). She asked Bill if he’d like to come over for dinner the next time he’s in the area. He said he’d be happy to “if Jim’s okay with it.” She assured him I would be. He won’t be here for a few weeks (Val will actually see him soon when she goes to Atlanta for a conference). It feels like this is proceeding much faster than I could have imagined. My head is spinning.

  18. WannaBeCuck on July 5, 2013

    Another great article. You are an inspiration to this lifestyle. I think it is so important everyone involved is a part of this relationship in a special way including any children. They should be told and or taught that this is a normal choice as adults, as to their ages of course. I don’t understand why adults think they can hide this any more than can I understand how a woman can cheat on her husband making him a cuckold without his knowledge. To me openness across the board is the single most important issue in everything. Open talk can make most anyone see, understand and even accept many more things in life. Most adults think kids don’t see or understand things are they are. I know too well kids know far more than given credit for. I never had kids, I’m talking about my own childhood. Most adults are fools when it comes to hiding anything from kids. This lifestyle is so important to teach kids about it, not hide it. Girls are so mature and much smarter than boys. Girls can be told more directly than boys. Open family discussions should be a common practice weather it be cuckoldry or why mom and dad get excited when they kiss or even why mom and dad got in an agreement last night. Everything matters and everything must be openly talk about with real and honest answers. I don’t think lies are good for kids any more than they are for adults. I am all for cuckolding in the family as I am with just boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s a wonderful lifestyle centered around a loving woman and it is so special that is must be talked about and taught as a better relationship for adults. It takes team work for each person to keep the woman satisfied. The cuckold is just as important as the lover. I sadly don’t live this lifestyle but for decades I had the desires to in some aspects without even knowing what the word cuckold meant. I did not even know this existed until about 6 years ago. I so shocked and or relieved when I found out so many people had and has the same feelings I had. The internet keeps on changing our lives for the best. I now wish I was born a generation later. The younger people will benefit the most here, so why hide this from they. I never understand why parents try to hide so much from kids and allow them to grow and have to learn on their own and maybe miss out on things and or learn the hard way. I think articles like yours may say even a few kids and they will be taught before it’s too late or before damage is done from lying to them. I wish everyone involved in cuckoldry the best. I don’t using the word envy but I can’t think of a better word to describe how strong I feel about you living this wonderful lifestyle. Thank you, Glenn

  19. JimandVal on July 6, 2013

    I think all cuckold relationships evolve at their own pace and many, like mine, begin with the wife having an affair. The question of how, when, or even whether to tell ones kids needs to be thought through very carefully. The vast majority of married couples don’t want to discuss their sex lives with their kids — at least until after they’re adults. In our case we felt compelled to. That said, we try to be conscious of not sharing too much information (as our daughter would put it).

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