Family Friendly Cuckolding
Hiding your lifestyle from the family (children) isn’t always the best idea.
We tend to think of cuckolding as something sexual and at the explicit level, it is, but at a more basic level, it’s really about friendships, trust and communication. These are values and skills all parents should impart on their kids. I’m certainly not advocating exposing children to sex acts, but having them aware that there’s another male who is a trusted part of the family can be positive for everyone.
What kids fear most is that something is wrong in the marriage and mom and dad might split up. When a wife is dating and getting properly fucked, it will change everything – for her and her husband; better moods, more tickling in the bedroom, so to speak, and kids notice that. They’ll also notice changes to her dress, changes to her behavior and schedule. You can still hide most of that, but it only takes one event – like overhearing a hushed phone call to assume the worst. This call could have been between husband and wife regarding her upcoming date, but the child wont know that and might simply assume she’s talking to someone she shouldn’t be.
Dating
With my first couple in this scenario, we hid everything very well, we thought. The wife would come meet me and we’d spend a couple hours at a club usually before going back to my place (some nights I’d have him dress her in nothing but lingerie and she’d come straight to my place). I’d usually get her home in a few hours, but sometimes got her home barely before the kids were up.
After about two months of this, her husband was getting anxious that he wasn’t involved. We talked a fair amount on the phone and online and I knew he wanted to be more involved. They got babysitters a few times so he could also come to my place, but that wasnt very often, so I started to pick her up at their place after the kids were in bed. I would inspect her in front of him; lift her skirt, check she was soft and smooth (and naked under her skirt) and sometimes make her go change if I didn’t approve of something he chose for her. By the time we left there’d be a big wet spot of pre-cum, or cuckold tears as I call it, showing in his sweat pants where his erection was bobbing around.
Busted
This was working well for another month or so and I was seeing her at least twice a week, but then they told me their daughter, who was 9 or 10, had started behaving a bit defiantly – definitely out of character. We talked about a lot of stuff – we were friends, too, not just Dom/couple, but when we saw a little face peering at her mother and me leaving one night from a guest bedroom window that faced the driveway, we knew we were ‘busted’ and then knew why she’d been acting funny.
Perception Works Both Ways
Here’s the thing though: it wasn’t seeing us together that had caused the anxiety – it was overhearing hushed conversations, hushed calls, seeing her mother’s much shorter dresses, skirts and new lingerie that made her worry mom was having an affair and was going to leave. It wasn’t even that she saw her mother wearing it – she saw it in the closet and in the laundry.
We almost called it off, but I convinced them to try something else instead to try and heal what happened rather than just avoid it and that next Saturday, I came over for BBQ and we all behaved like we’d been friends all our lives. We talked about it every day leading up to it to plan it out. My idea was to let the same powers of observation that brought her to fearing what was going on also show her it was ok and that her father was both aware and enjoyed my friendship with her mother (their son was oblivious being only 3).
That day and over several others that followed, their daughter saw for herself that I was their friend and that when her mother would kiss me at the door (like she would her husband and not like family), her father would just smile and tell me he was happy I could make it. When I put my arm around her with my fingers brushing the bottoms of her breasts to hug her to me I knew their daughter would watch her father for a reaction and when she saw only a positive one, she just went back to what she was playing with.
This way, without explaining anything, their daughter began to feel comfortable that things were just fine with mom and dad and she pretty much quit paying me any attention when I was there and she was, in fact, the first to refer to me as her mother’s boyfriend. I think she meant it rather innocently as in her mothers friend who is a boy, but it sure had the cuckold swollen in his sweatpants!
Dating – Openly
By that point we could date openly and the idea of her mom and I going out was just another item on the schedule like getting homework done before watching TV. I would sometimes stay overnight after bringing her home and the eldest was surprised the first time, but didn’t really seem to care one way or the other to find me there in the morning.
I used this approach with another couple whose kids were slightly older right from the start and it worked very well – same pattern, same reaction.
I realize this might not work out for all couples, for all families, but as with many things, being open, without being explicit, can be the best option.
About The Author
A loving Dom for couples since 1996, Luvr has personally enjoyed introducing and exploring cuckolding and D/s with couples for over a decade. Luvr launched FMSB.org in 1996 as a free community and resource to help educate individuals and couples about erotic cuckold marriages. FMSB.org became CuckoldMarriage.info in 2011.
10 Response to Family Friendly Cuckolding
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Thank you for this write up, as it was one of the things bothering me most, and it helped me see the light. Our child is not yet two, so if I can get her to start soon, it could be seen as something normal and had allways been the case, and would allow play at out home, on dates, and even trips would not seem odd to our child. The other thing that it would help out with, is if she did get pregnant, it would just be a larger family and not the destruction of it, and that’s important as I really can’t see an abortion being an option for us.
The risk of nature taking its course is always present when your wife is being inseminated and even higher when she orgasms frequently with him.
Having her new mate continue to be part of your lives is good for everyone if he fits and is part of the marriage and family.
Thank you so much for bringing this issue to light. Traditionally people will hide and sneak around their kids, we think that is the wrong way to do it.
We have taken a completely different approach and it has been working wonderfully for us.
We have a daughter 15yo, and boys 17yo and 11yo. My wife has a regular lover now (Eric) for over 6 years, along with 2 other regular lovers (Shane) and (Rod) for the past 3 and 4 years respectively. She sees Eric on average about twice per week, sometimes more, and Shane and Rod on average about twice per month each. All 3 Men are much better endowed than I am and my penis has been retired and locked with the occasional reminders on important dates.
We decided a long time ago to not have the secretive lifestyle that usually comes along with cuckolding. While we do not broadcast it to the entire world, we prefer to have our closest friends and family know about our lifestyle. We are very blunt: if you love us and see that we are happy then you will be happy for us. If you don’t then that is your choice. For the most part our closest friends and family have come to accept it and somewhat support us. It has always been my responsibility to explain our lifestyle to the people that we choose. I have to admit that those conversations are often difficult for me, as the questions arise “why”, to which my wife prefers that I answer “because it turns us both on and because they can satisfy her in ways that I cannot”.
Since young, we have been very careful to raise our kids with the understanding and acceptance that Mommy has “very special friends”. They know that we are extremely happy, I think once they see how happy we are then they are also well adjusted, confident and comfortable. That is very important to us.
Eric visits our home. Has dinner with us (taking the seat at the head of the table) or takes my wife out on their date. Shane and Rod do the same, however not as often. They do not act lewd or sexual around our kids, it is just a nice relaxing time. They know that Mommy is dressing special for her “very special friends”, in clothes only reserved for Eric, Shane and Rod. and they are fine with that. Eric openly kisses and hugs my wife in our presence and again our kids are well adjusted to it. We have a “Mommy first” attitude in our home that works very well.
I know this is not the ideal answer for everyone, but for us it works very well. With careful guideance and understanding then I think it is possible for this to work well in a family situation and for the kids to adjust well to it, like ours have.
I do think that it should be the husbands duty to explain things to any family or friends.
Kirk
looking back we made a mistake hiding our lifestyle,as the kids have gotten older it has become more differcult to explain certain things
Luvr very kind, I saw that the site has reopened after (I assume) some technical problems. I am writing again because my post is gone, and I take this opportunity to rewrite it more clearly: I would like to receive more tips, other explanations of how to explain to children the philosophy cuckolding. I think there are differences based on age: children, adolescents, young adults. I also think that there are differences, as well as by age, by sex of children: a boy or a girl may feel differently in the choice of parents’ lives … how do you explain it? thanks again! bellissimoil your site!
@erosferrarese, there are indeed many variables when it comes to more openly exercising a cuckold marriage lifestyle. The childrens’ ages do come into play as do their basic personalities and how well the relate/don’t relate to their parents. Boys tend to be more ambivalent while girls tend to be polar: either very supportive or initially very critical.
It’s not so much about how to explain it, but rather how to let them see for themselves that it’s healthy, non-threatening.
When they do ask questions, answer honestly, but there’s no need to answer in great detail, especially for younger children as they can’t absorb concepts above their experience level anyway. For example, if a child asks why mom has a boyfriend, the proper simple answer isn’t because he’s a better lover, but because she is much happier after they’ve spent time together and her being happy is important to you. For an older child who might ask if you two are swingers, you could say no, we’re not, but then also ask them what they think that means and if they would be upset if you were and if upset, why? Do they think it means you and your wife aren’t happy? Nothing could be further from the truth.
Again, circumstances are so individual that you’re better off giving me more detail as to the circumstances in your marriage rather than taking a shotgun approach.
Dear Luvr, thanks for the answer. I know a couple of friends who have a 14 year old daughter. From a couple of years the wife has a lover, aware of her husband, and wanted her lover began to attend their home, since they can not keep a secret to her daughter this report and this way of life .. . I replied that this is not to explain, but to make it clear to children that it is a healthy thing and there is nothing wrong. What I can recommend this pair of friends?! Thanks for your help!
I would recommend that you first have them read this article and then if their English is as good as yours, stop by and chat with me and I will be glad to help them understand the process.
thanks very kind of you! refer and possibly invite them to contact you!
My wife a 12 yr old daughter from her first marriage, and i have two sons from my first marriage. We knew right away not to hide it – kids today are far too intelligent and worldly not to pick up on it. was very VERY difficult for me but easier in the long run, and it also made me realize that all three kids knew who i was and the nature of our relationship. It wasn’t a revelation, just a moment of putting everything into the open.