Learning To Witness

Learning To Witness

A Three-part Harmony

It is equally selfish for a wife to never allow her cuckold to watch as it would be for a cuckold to demand to always watch.

For a husband to bear direct witness to his wife’s intercourse with a lover, all three must have a compatible perspective on the event and also possess an emotional handle on themselves. This article assumes the husband’s desire to bear witness to his wife’s coupling since 99% of husbands generally desire to be included this way to one degree or another and I fully believe it is the right of every cuckold husband to at least sometimes be present, in the room, to bear witness to his wife’s body yielding to the cock of her lover. Having said that, the manner and timing of his presence can be varied substantially, something I will address later in this article.

The Hotwife

It’s not uncommon for the wife to be very reluctant to allow the husband to watch feeling anxiety over being watched during such an intimate event. Besides being self-conscious, this anxiety is often due to subconscious guilt because she knows she is going to enjoy this experience more than she’s let her husband know and/or because she knows that she responds and performs for her lover in ways she does not for her husband and feels the need to protect him from seeing that. Such protection is not what cuckolds need – they instead need to be fully aware and included; not knowing detail hurts far worse as not knowing is what leads to doubt and fear.

The Boyfriend

I am mostly addressing bulls here because an experienced Dom is going to not only accept the cuckold’s presence, but enjoy it and leverage it as part of the experience. The boyfriend (bull) is most often uncomfortable having the husband around simply because he fears the husband reacting poorly to the his role in the marriage.  To a cuckold this may seem silly, but a jealous husband out of control can be dangerous. Some bulls may worry there’s some bi or homosexual interest in the husband which is typically not the case.  Some bulls are just selfish and don’t really care about the husband or his role as a cuckold; these bulls are to be avoided as they are not the best fit for a proper cuckolding environment.

A Process For Most

As with most aspects of the cuckolding lifestyle, bearing witness to the hotwife’s coupling with her bull or Dom is easiest for everyone when it comes through progressive steps. Some wives are eager to have their husband present from the start because it either helps them feel secure or because they’ve already begun to appreciate the D/s dynamic of having him watch her being taken by another male. In these cases, the holdout is often the lover and before the cuckold can even be considered to be present during lovemaking, the lover must first become comfortable with the husband simply be present.

Such familiarity is best done through spending time together as an extended couple. By this, I mean that the wife and her lover are the couple with her husband in attendance. This can be done in public as dates and in private by having the lover over for dinner, watching movies together or other day-time events. It’s important that the wife take the lead in establishing and exercising intimacy with her lover while her husband is present. She needs to be confident in touching, kissing and cuddling up to her lover to reinforce that it is acceptable behavior and to demonstrate that the husband only responds positively to such displays of intimacy between his wife and her lover. Once the lover is comfortable initiating such intimacy on his own, or better yet, enjoys exploring such play, working toward coupling in front of the cuckold comes much easier.

Demonstrating Intimacy

Once basic forms of intimacy are easily and openly enjoyed between wife and lover with the husband present, begin to explore deeper forms of intimacy with the husband present or nearby. I recommend using extended foreplay as a vehicle to introduce open physical intimacy with the husband present or nearby.

Example Progression

  1. Dinner while dating: The cuckold tags along on the date, but the wife should clearly give her attention to her lover. Again, the pair should return to his place after the date while her cuckold returns home to wait for her.
  2. Dinner before dating: A first step toward introducing the husband to the mix. Have the lover come for dinner before he takes her out for the evening. If they’ve been going to his place after dates, that would still work at this stage.
  3. Evening at home: Kids, at this point, would be out of the home for this evening. (Introducing her boyfriend to the family (kids) is a more involved process discussed at this link.)The wife would dress very invitingly – wearing something openly suggestive of her intimacy with her lover. This alone sets the proper tone for the lover indicating that their intimacy is open and overt.

    Choose a movie for the couple to watch together after dinner. The cuckold should see to cleaning up after dinner and allow the couple to settle in together. Again, the wife should initiate cuddling and petting to set the example for her lover that such intimacy is perfectly acceptable in the home. The cuckold must continue to manage his own feeling of arousal and conflict during this time to prevent undoing the progress achieved to that point.The first time a couple does this, the cuckold should likely find ‘something else to do’ much of the time and only join the couple for a few minutes at a time – long enough to enjoy the sight of his wife and her lover cuddled together and long enough for the lover to appreciate that it’s all perfectly acceptable and welcome.The cuckold should leave them to their foreplay and ensure the bedroom is ready for them and then politely notify them that the bedroom has been made ready should be want some privacy.  This is a humbling, but important task for the husband – it makes him directly responsible for encouraging the intimacy.

    The wife and her boyfriend may play out this scenario several times, coupling in private each time, before progressing to more open foreplay where the husband is likely to see it. During the movie/cuddling phase, nudity can become the norm and the cuckold may witness his wife getting her boyfriend’s cock wet with her mouth before taking him to bed, once again to mount him in private. Soon such acts will feel very comfortable and at some point, the bedroom door can be left open as an invitation for the husband to quietly follow and witness what they will allow until he is dismissed.

  4. Spending The Night: Having followed the previous steps, it’s now relatively simple and comfortable for everyone involved when the boyfriend spends the night in the marital bed. Each couple can work out specifics with regard to when and for how long the cuckold joins them in the bedroom.



Each couple will have variations of this process in terms of what intimacies are enjoyed and shared in view of the husband and how many times it takes to progress to the next level, but having a plan and working toward the end goal is the important point.


Ultimately, when a couple works toward this goal together, the cuckold can become both witness and partner in attaining his hotwife’s full measure of pleasure.


If you need help as a couple with this process, contact me:

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  1. Learning to Witness shows a deep understanding of the dynamic of the special relationship, involving the wife, her lover and her husband. Luvr considers the feelings and needs of each individual. The lover (Bull) may not understand, if he lacks experience and some knowledge, what is happening and his role. But he can soon understand, especially when the wife leads him into his role and his power. The wife is, in a way, breaking both guys in. Both share the element of wanting to please her. And the cuckold’s role is important too. As Luvr pointed out, most cuckolds want to be a witness at least some of the time. And the cuckold may be feeling some conflicts, as Luvr mentioned, that he needs to work out early on. I have first hand knowledge of this. The cuckold may have wanted this for his wife, and for him to be there; but, his internal feelings of conflict (perhaps jealousy and feeling humiliated) are nonetheless something he had to deal with. And he must come to terms of his actual wanting to feel this way. The approach that Luvr lays out in the scenario which he offered, is a very logical approach. It is wonderful that Luvr encourages foreplay in front of the husband. I can tell you that for a husband who is a cuckold there is no feeling like the one that comes with watching your wife in foreplay with another man. And if the husband helped her get ready for the other guy, the feeling of seeing their foreplay, can not be described! Even if her Bull is not going to be her boyfriend (assuming she knows this), I believe that doing what Luvr suggests, in front of the cuckold, is of most importance. It is especially nice that the cuckold (as Luvr suggests) is put in a situation that assists his wife and her new found lover in obtaining pleasure. This way he is part of it. He assisted in causing their pleasure. And there can be no blaming his wife or the Bull; he, the husband, the cuckold, helped to create what will be history tomorrow. When the cuck looks back after all it said and done, he must look at his own actions, and with this, he can feel absolutly sure that he wanted this to happen, and that he, the cuck, wants it to happen yet again. And the cuckold knows that as awkward as it may feel, even with a conflict inside, his erection speaks for itself (and for the cuckold).

    • Nicely said. We had a Dom who was so good at arousing her, and making sure that I got to witness it until my heartbeat banged away on my eardrums. I forget sometimes how powerful it is to watch her pussy sucking on his thumb, something it has never done for me.

      Thank you. And thank you, Luvr for one of the most stirring and insightful posts ever.

  2. I’m am the 1% that does not desire to watch. For me, it’s more important to know only what I’m told, and to wonder what I’m not being told.

    • I only knew one husband who preferred not to watch at all. He’d listen from outside the bedroom, but the only time he wanted to see us together was when we were asleep together. That’s when he’d come in and watch us – and jerk himself off.

  3. I think that listening can sometimes be more erotic that watching ,and I have listened to my wife and her bf on many occations from the outside of our bedroom door. Loved to hear her moans and crys of pleasure and the bed squeaking. Made me very horny wondering what was going on in there.

  4. Hi all,

    My wife likes me to be present.
    Till now, I was always present but did participate seldom:
    I don’t like to interrupt her enjoyments.

    I would like that she would have encounters witout my presence. So she could experience full freedom.

    (a Dutchman)

  5. Watching, listening and waiting all have their unique qualities. Watching is great because you will see “it” happen right in front of your eyes, in every detail. All your senses are involved. Listening is also real time, but tantalizes the imagination. Waiting is all about uncertainty: did it happen? If so, what happened?

    What I had to learn is to just watch. Just to sit, watch, masturbate myself and refrain from trying to reclaim her.

  6. My wife has had many lovers over several decades and still insists on keeping me apart and separate from her whenever she is with another “man”. I have gone along with this as I wanted her to take up this lifestyle and want her to continue.

    I would love to be present and watch her with another man. I don’t know how many of her lovers would be comfortable with this and I know she can’t even consider me as part of her other life.

    I have gotten a few details after she has been with some of these guys. Each relationship has lasted from months to more than a year. The first lover was a guy she was going to leave me for until I found out about it and told her to continue having sex with him. I got very very excited by the thought of someone else fucking her. I pleaded for information and got some. But, the best part was establishing the practice of her giving me a slow handjob while giving me a few details of her very recent lovemaking with this guy. God, I loved that and could hardly wait until they were together again for the build up and anticipation of hearing about it and having her slowly bring me to an explosion. I would get so excited just waiting for her to come home afterward.

    After one relationship would end she would wait months to a year or more until she would ask me if I was still OK with her getting sexually involved again. I would always say yes and be shaking with excitement in anticipation of that waiting for her to come home after getting fucked.

    She has liked this arrangement over the years even though I have often said that I wouldn’t mind be there when she let another man enjoy her body in every way.

    I never was interested in “cleaning” up after another man fucked her but I would give my left nut to see her creampied. Man would that be exciting.

    This has gone on so long that I am afraid that her better affairs could be over and I have never gotten to watch. Maybe I should have been more insistent on getting to watch after she really started to enjoy having those many men.

    Well, I did have some excitement and fun as well, so I have no regrets. I would do it again and only wish that we had started a cuckold relationship from the very beginning.

  7. I’m am more of an active participant( found a bull that had no issues with that) . In the initial discussion before going to cuckolding , the rules where already layed down ” My wife wanted me there and at her side” ; The rest I have plucked up the courage to do myself ; some nasty(erortic to me stuff) ; It’s important in the type of bull ; personality etc . My bull is now my freind also and Bi-Curios. Everyone I guess has it different. I ma more the sight, sounds and feeling person . I want it all, even improvising as we journey along

  8. I think the cuckold should be involved in most if not all of the woman’s sexual affairs. I also think her lovers should please her in their home where both of them will feel more comfortable and relaxed. For the sake of her lovers but more so that is should be a must all the time, the cuckold must wear a chastity device. You want your lovers to feel comfortable and relaxed knowing your cuckold is not going to have any sexual freedom while he is there. A three-some is a must because everyone has an important role to make this relationship work its best. The cuckold should play the role for kissing his woman at times, sucking her tits, giving her oral, giving him oral, dressing and undressing both partners and or serving the woman and the lover before and after the sex is finished. The cuckold must be able to be around the woman and her lover as often as possible to become friends and better desire to welcome her lovers into his relationship. The cuckold will have more desire to thank the lovers for their importance and look forward to them coming again. A team must work together as a team so everyone wins and everyone feels their need. I admire this lifestyle so much. Thank you, Glenn

  9. Thanks for a great article and a wonderful perspective. The comments are all seemingly very supportive of the article from each of their perspectives. It seems that most enjoy watching and one or two would rather simply listen. I think the combination of the two is quite interesting and decided by the Hotwife and her BF or Bull. It’s an honor to get to watch and should be an honor. i guess everyone’s different or has a different perspective on that. it’s good to be kept on your toes and guessing as to what’s going to transpire on any given event. to me, it’s part of the excitement of being a cuckold. being cuckolded is not a bad thing.

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