Integrating another male into the marriage as the wife’s boyfriend is rewarding and safe when practiced with a healthy perspective and in a responsible manner.
Though some hotwives will date concurrently, that is they maintain a small stable of men they date periodically without exclusivity among them, most wives will have a preference for one and/or date one of them more frequently when able. This is the outward manifestation of the instinct to choose a male for mating vs choosing a male as a partner and demonstrates the need for a wife to have a committed boyfriend. When a couple commits to the boyfriend, as a couple, the boyfriend feels more comfortable making a commitment to them. By commitments, I mean acts and practices which help form a bond and trust between the couple and their boyfriend (bull) which formally recognize each person’s role and needs within the relationship.
I use the term boyfriend rather than lover because being the boyfriend for a wife includes and extends well beyond simple romantic entanglements. I know the ‘boyfriend’ idea is a very intimidating prospect to couples new to considering adding another male to the marriage. Most consider the idea of a single male involved routinely with the wife as a threat to the marriage, but in truth and in practice, the opposite is much more often the truth. Those who believe that keeping emotional bonds excluded or at least kept to a minimum will ensure marital safety are not only fooling themselves into a false sense of security but limiting themselves from many of the most enjoyable aspects of cuckolding. When a guy develops a relationship and emotional bonds with a hotwife, he is invested in the relationship. This means he is going to care more about her safety and needs. Through that, the needs of her cuckold are also addressed since those needs are part of her happiness. A random or seldom-dated ‘date’ will have none of that investment and will view the wife as a disposable moment of enjoyment where he is free to be selfish as there are little consequences to his actions or lack thereof.
Bull vs. Boyfriend
Within the lifestyle, a bull is a guy who has a sexual role (and nothing more) for a couple. A bull who takes on a leadership role with the wife (D/s) is technically her Dom and should eventually be a Dom for both husband and wife to varying degrees. A bull who becomes integrated into the marriage due to frequency and or intensity of the relationship is best considered as her boyfriend. Most boyfriends (and Doms) start out with a couple as a bull. Once the couple and their bull are past the first stage jitters and the hotwife becomes comfortable with her bull, she may pull back a bit. Wives are often the ones most afraid of establishing emotional bonds with someone they have started dating (even though such bonds already exist at that point) and may artificially limit the frequency of meetings out of false concerns for creating a deeper bond with their bull and thereby making him a boyfriend. Their concern is both in getting carried away in the moment and how it could hurt their husband to see such affection grown between herself and another male – one who already has a powerful, sexual advantage over the husband in most cases. [pullquote_left]Only the things you keep from a cuckold will be more threatening than arousing, so always keep communications open.[/pullquote_left]
By this point, the hotwife has already committed herself to her bull in a number of ways: she’s likely dressing according to his tastes for dates, she may have changed how she wears her hair or gone tanning or even gotten herself waxed to be softer to his touch. Such a reaction to a male who inspires sexual lust in a hotwife is natural and expected – by both the bull and her cuckold. For the bull, a wife who isn’t willing to extend herself in these ways isn’t trying and a woman who isn’t trying isn’t likely to keep her bull, right? After all, if it’s the same ol’ thing she’s looking for, she already has that with her husband.
The whole point of being a hotwife is to have experiences the husband cannot provide. The cuckold may be quite conflicted about seeing you dressing without panties for your bull or trimming and shaving your sex as he prefers, or knowing that you look forward to having your bull’s cock in your mouth while his has never known that pleasure, but he’s also going to be very excited by it because he’s fully aware of it.
Bull To Boyfriend
The behaviors referred to above are some examples of small commitments made by the wife to affirm the bull’s role in their marriage. While exciting and a new adventure, they pale in comparison to what awaits when a couple commits to a bull and in so doing, promotes him to being her boyfriend. Sometimes it’s simply the frequency of their coupling which elevates the bull to ‘boyfriend’ status. Other times it’s the nature of commitments asked for and exchanged that escalate the nature of his role and the intensity of the couple’s experience.
Types of commitments can include:
Taking Him Bare
Most cuckold couples desire an experience where their boyfriend is safely able to enjoy natural coupling with the hotwife, but to get to this point requires some commitments by each side. The couple may expect that the boyfriend only date the hotwife, but for that to be fair, the hotwife has to be available at the frequency that makes such a commitment worthwhile and realistic for her boyfriend. Before moving to inviting a boyfriend to enjoy her bare, consider testing. Read Where Desire & Reality Collide for more info.
The Marital Bed
A bull who has been invited into the marriage and then becomes her boyfriend should be welcome in your home. The most comfortable place for the hotwife to take her boyfriend inside her will always be the marital bed. Obviously this has great mental and emotional consequences for all involved as well. It also means learning to work around having children at home, if applicable. This isn’t always the show-stopper it seems. Read Family Friendly Cuckolding for more info.
Cuckolding is a lifestyle of contrasts well before the contrast of skin color for those couples who choose an interracial path. One of those contrasts is the pleasures and access granted a boyfriend above and beyond that granted a husband. A couple cannot invite a boyfriend into the marriage and then allow the husband’s selfish needs to interfere in the bonding between wife and boyfriend. This often requires the husband give up his primary sexual claim to his wife and accept the schedule or limitations that she and/or her boyfriend have chosen for him. Such denial can take a wide range of possibilities and variations and can include one or more of the following (not a complete list):
- giving up bare sex with his wife
- giving up first-rights (coupling only after the boyfriend)
- coupling only x times per y timeframe
- coupling only with the boyfriend’s permission
- coupling only when the boyfriend is present
For more information, see Cuckold Denial.
- for the boyfriend, typically and preferably single, having a girlfriend to date and take to parties and social events is very important
- for the wife, having a romantic and public declaration of his commitment to her is very comforting and arousing
- for the cuckold, having his wife and her boyfriend seen together in public, even by strangers, is intensely humbling, which exercises the submissive role a cuckold seeks to enjoy
Whether at his place or yours, being supportive of such quality time together can be used as a reward and demonstration of trust between husband and boyfriend and between husband and wife. The husband demonstrates his trust in the boyfriend taking care of his wife’s safety and the boyfriend demonstrates that trust is well-placed. The wife demonstrates that she can share the details of her time alone with her boyfriend afterward to prove that even when apart, the husband can and will be included in the pleasure she shares with her boyfriend.
There’s no free lunch. As much as I’ve said that a husband has the right to sometimes witness and be involved in his wife’s coupling with a boyfriend, I never said such a right comes without any cost. one of the ways a couple can entice an otherwise reluctant boyfriend when it comes to the cuckold’s presence/participation is by incentivizing the boyfriend’s participation by offering one or more of the commitments listed above.
Having a boyfriend, rather than a bull, is the only way a couple can truly explore the cuckold lifestyle to the fullest dimensions possible. Have more questions? Stop by the chatroom or use the contact form below to email me directly.
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