Some guys just don’t work out.
It’s unfortunate when it happens, but it’s part of the lifestyle and has to be a conscious part of every couples expectations. Part of what enables a husband to share his wife with someone else is a confidence that should it come down to ‘him or me’, that his wife will choose the husband over the boyfriend – as it should be. While a good bull isn’t exactly easy to find, they are much simpler to find and replace than a life partner/husband/father to the children.
Every cuckold couple is encouraged to set some clear ‘red lines’ which will certainly terminate any bull/Dom’s relationship with the couple:
- abusive behavior
- attempts to use the couple financially
- attempts to take the wife away from the marriage
- behavior which risks health or legal repercussions
- lack of respect for the boundaries and requirements of a cuckold marriage
The last one is a bit vague, but the spirit of it is that a second male in a marriage has to understand and appreciate he’s just that – an addition to the marriage and not a replacement.
When any of the above behaviors rises to the point where including this second male becomes more a burden or risk than thrill, it’s time to say goodbye.
The inspiration for this article comes from one of our verified couples, 1oQ, and their recent experience with a bull who was rapidly approaching boyfriend status only to step on his own balls by failing to respect the boundaries of a hotwife/cuckold marriage.
Three weeks into my relationship with Ben my husband and I were in seventh heaven. We started planning ahead how I’m going to spend nights with Ben, and when will be the right time to bring him over to our marital bed, and how we would manage it with the kids.
At the same time Ben started telling me that he feels like he was in a romantic relationship with a new girlfriend and not with a married woman. He was confused because he felt that he wanted a romantic relationship with me, but he wanted me all to himself and couldn’t accept that I am “taken”, he wished I was single. I tried to explain to him that both my husband and I want me to have this relationship with him, that I also wanted a romantic relationship, and that he would get the majority of my time and attention.
This is where the problem begins. It’s absolutely understandable that he felt he was starting a relationship with a girlfriend – that’s a great sign with regard to her behavior with him. As I coach couples, to expect a guy to be a good boyfriend to a wife, she has to be a good girlfriend to him. This means being available for him physically and even emotionally. Having all these things is what’s supposed to make a guy not care (or even enjoy) the fact that she’s a married woman and not seek more than they are entitled. He has pretty much all the benefits of having a wife without much of the burden, kids or in-laws. What sort of idiot gripes about that? This one.
As we continued I even went to his place and we had an amazing time together, but unfortunately, after taking some time to think he said he was afraid he would fall in love with me, and he decided it was too hard for him that I can never be totally his and he wanted to stop.
This was basically his play to see if she’d leave her husband for him.
Needless to say, I was very disappointed and I was glad to see that my husband was too. I tried my best to convince Ben, but when I realized I’d lost that battle I decided I wanted to at least enjoy being with him for one last time. We spoke about it, and after considering it he asked me if I would spend the night at his place for our last encounter.
I agreed. I was looking forward to spending a night with a man I saw as my boyfriend, even though it was supposed to be our last time together. On some level, I was also hoping that after spending the night I would be able to change his mind.
I wasn’t. My last night with Ben was amazing, the sex was incredible, but it was more than sex. We hugged, cuddled, slept together and could keep our hands of each other.
This is exactly what it should be and if he could have simply enjoyed it for what it is, he could continue enjoying it, but he was shortsighted, emotionally immature and that is going to cost him a sexy little hotwife who would have been committed to being his girlfriend, but alas, he was an idiot.
When I got home I found out that my husband didn’t share my excitement and had a very difficult time during the night. Because I was hoping to change Ben’s mind and show him that I can be devoted to him, I didn’t want him to see me or hear me talk to my husband, so all my husband got from me was two short massages during the entire time.
I totally get her logic for her behavior and she did the right thing by communicating with her cuckold the times she did, but it should never be something a hotwife has to hide from her boyfriend. Being witness to the communication between a hotwife and her cuckold can even help improve a bull’s confidence in the husband’s eagerness to have the role he has and therefore set the bull’s mind at ease with regard to dating a married woman.
Still, even had she done that, it wouldn’t have mattered, I don’t think. This guy was already a lost cause.
I found out that he felt left out and because this was the first time I spent a night with someone else he experienced a lot of anxiety during the entire night. He later explained that because I spent the night it felt very overwhelming. And to top it all even though we (agreed) that I would film part of the encounter I had no pictures or videos to share with him. In total my husband was very disappointed from this encounter raising questions about proceeding in the future.
I have to put this on the husband. Yes, this progressed rather quickly and yes, a first overnight will be very intense, but she had already proven that her husband and marriage is her first concern and had already documented dates with this guy for her husband, so, from a a big-picture perspective, her husband really had little real reason to allow his anxiety to override his sense of enjoyment.
Above is one of the videos taken by this guy that she shared with her cuckold. He had this to review and help him feel involved the night she spent with her about to be ex-bull. On the right, we can see how difficult it would be for her to even grip her husband’s penis in the way she gripped a full sized cock. I’m not trying to demean her husband, but honestly, how can he expect her to not be thrilled about a cock so much longer and thicker than his?
My first assumption after reading of his really high anxiety levels was that he had committed the common mistake of allowing himself to spurt during such an intense experience, thereby altering his mood and making it easier for the anxiety to take over, but she assures me he didn’t, which just means he started out that anxious and never got a handle on it. Again, I can’t really see a reason for him to have such anxiety as she never gave him reason to fear for their marriage or relationship at any point.
Her cuckold also had access to this video (and others, I assume) and while I can appreciate his likely feeling of inadequacy when viewing these videos, he’s always known she deserves better sex.
I also know that she does struggle a bit in how to share her experiences with her cuckold. By that, how to verbally exchange with him about the experience. I owe them a separate article on that, but consider this a public statement of intent!
I don’t see this as a reason to put off future dating – in fact, I see this experience as confirmation of how dating should work. Things went from being an unknown to being very hot and then, ultimately, to realization that he wouldn’t fit the role of a bull or boyfriend for a hotwife/cuckold couple. Perfect! This is what dating provides – a means for the wife to find the guy that does fit into the lifestyle.
My advice to this couple – and the rest of you – is to not focus on what didn’t work out, but the multiple parts of the process and the pleasure that did work out. As the saying goes: we learn more from failure than from success.