Unexpected Aspects Of Cuckolding

I recently joined the forum as it seems to be one of the less fantastical spaces on the web for discussing the cuckold lifestyle. I am interested in gaining other views on some of the aspects of cuckolding that my wife and I certainly hadn’t taken into account whilst in the fantasising stage prior to doing it for real. This idea of my wife with a black man was my fantasy originally and when broached she was very shocked (angry even) as one would expect and I left it alone, however a few months later she raised the subject and we began to talk about it and use it during sex. The fulmination of all this took close to two years and a litle luck but it finally became a reality just over six months ago. I am approaching 50 and Anna is 41, it is my second marriage and we have no children so there is ample opportunity to play. When we were using the idea of Anna being with another man as a fantasy the arousal was all encompassing however now that it is a reality that arousal comes tethered to other, more negative aspects – whilst the arousal is without a doubt the main driver there are also feelings of embarrasment and shame (on my part only) that I hadn’t expected. Anna is experiencing sexual satisfaction on levels she has previously never known and I feel ashamed that I have been unable to provide this, I wonder if these feelings are an actual contributor to the arousal although I never felt that was the case when we were merely fantasising over it? Even simple things such as buying lingerie for Anna to wear for her lover causes a conflict – it arouses but I also feel a degree of humiliation at what I am doing.
The other unexpected changes have been from Anna herself. In the beginning it was agreed that she would stay away, either at her lovers or occasionally in hotels. He lives far enough away for there to be miniscule chance of ‘discovery’ and the long ‘getting to know you’ period they had meant she was comfortable going to his when it eventually happened. However within a few weeks she began pressing for him to visit us and for him to have her in our bed – it seemed to be a big issue for her to take him into our bed and for me to move into the adjacent spare whilst he was there. This is now becoming the norm rather than her visiting him and she says that being fucked in our bed whilst I am in the room next door is a huge turn on for her. Neither of them openly belittle or humiliate me when he visits but the roles change and she is very much ‘his’ when he is around – I have asked if the idea of my feeling ashamed or humiliated as well as turned on when I hear them fucking is part of her arousal and she thinks it is a contributing factor to her excitement which neither of us expected at the outset. Another totally unexpected consequence, if it makes sense, is that whilst she is happier than she has ever been in our relationship Anna does says that she thinks less of me as a man but doesn’t love me any less – in fact more so because of the satisfaction that our changed lifestyle brings. This has manifested itself in the wish of both her and Simon that she stop having sex with me albeit for different reasons – him because he freely admits to not liking the idea of sharing her and Anna because she says that she gets little satisfaction from it and as such it contributes to her lessened regard for me as ‘a man’. She has said that so long as I wish to we can carry on having sex but to know that she wishes that side of her life to be catered for by another is arousing and humiliating along the lines I have mentioned and I am unsure as to how I should progress. I have said that I can try harder in the bedroom but one of the reasons that she finds sex with him so satisfying is that she is much more adventurous with him than me – much of what she does with him she has never countenanced with me and I do wonder why she has been so willing , right from the off, to be so sexually outgoing with him. One final point to mention is that I had a vasectomy during my first marriage and Anna has had to go back on the pill after many years – neither of us are into the preposterous ‘breeding’ fantasies that one sees online but she does admit that the fact that Simon is fertile adds a frission when he climaxes inside her – why would that add excitement if one has no intention of becoming pregnant?
Anyway – a long post but I would be most grateful for any comments anyone may have.