October 28, 2013
I'm new here, but needed a place to share my story. I've never shared this and felt like I wanted an outlet. So here it goes...
Four years ago I stumbled upon the cuckold fantasy online and was instantly hooked. For reference we were 29 and my wife (we'll call her Heather) and I had been married for five years at that point and had a semi-open relationship. As in she liked to play with girls once in a while. We didn't actively seek these activities out, they just happened once in a while and I liked to watch. During the spring of 2009 we started "dirty talking" in the bedroom about Heather being with another guy. It was very exciting and it got us both very hot for many months. Then in the middle of the summer we started talking about an ex-coworker of hers that she still communicated with via email. He was a nerdy IT guy who always flirted with her at her old job. She would talk about how much he had always wanted her and what it would be like to fuck him. We played with that scenario in our fantasies in the bedroom until it progressed to me telling her she should do it. We spent a few weeks playing with the idea and then she finally emailed him and asked if he wanted to meet for drinks. He of course agreed and the night approached. We were both nervous before she left, wondering what was going to happen. We kissed goodbye and she left to meet him. I went out to the bars with friends and around midnight I checked in with her. She texted back that she had just gotten to his place and they had opened a bottle of wine and was about to make his night. I couldn't believe it and almost told her to stop and come home. I had never felt a nervous and adrenaline filled rush like that in my life. I said goodbye to my friends and went home to be alone with my thoughts. I awaited her next text or call for hours. Around 3am my phone rang and it was Heather. She told me she was on her way home, I hesitated but then asked what happened. She paused and told me she fucked him. The emotions that came over me when she said those words are indescribable. When she got home we had amazing sex as she told me all the details of her night. From that moment on, for better or worse I would always be taken to those emotions. That night started a path down a long and sexually adventurous four years for us that unfortunately ended in us no longer being together.
I'd like to share everything in between if anyone is interested.
March 4, 2013
October 28, 2013
Ok, here it goes, the good, bad and ugly.
After Heather's one night hookup with (let's call him Rob) we continued to pillow talk about that night off and on for the next year. During that time I started to explore my feelings about why I was so turned on by my wife sleeping with someone else. Even though I wasn't there, I played that night in my head over and over. That's when I stumbled upon the word "cuckold" and that there was a whole culture out there involving hotwives and bulls. I had no idea. I knew about the swinging lifestyle, but the stories, videos and pictures about cuckolding hit the exactly the right chord. I've tried to figure out why since our divorce two years ago. Even seeing a therapist for a few months.
Heather and I began dating our senior year in high school. Even though both of us were not virgins, we explored most of our sexuality together before graduation. After we graduated I decided that I wanted some space during the summer before college so we took a "break" as Ross from Friends would call it. I mostly partied with by bros but never hooked up with someone, however right before heading off to college I learned that Heather had given blowjobs to three other guys including someone we graduated with. I was devastated upon learning this and even though we weren't "together" and it was my idea, it made me sick to my stomach thinking about her going down on these guys, especially the guy I knew. We spent almost all of our college years not dating but hooked up regularly. We eventually started dating again and moved in together after graduating college and got married at 24. My therapist said my cuckolding fetish could very well have developed as my mind needing to find a way to cope with jealousy, hurt and insecurity caused by those events with Heather and other guys. But is that really all there is to explain it?
Early on in our marriage I started to encourage Heather to flash her breasts when we were drunk at parties and liked the attention she got. And there were three instances were she hooked up with another woman while I watched. The night with Rob came when we were 27. So, catching back up to where I started. Over the next year I really explored the cuckolding fantasy in my alone time and also encouraged it in our pillow talk at night. Eventually it turned into a desire of me wanting Heather to have sex with black men and her humiliating me by telling me how much better they were size why and how good they felt. We also bought a CB-6000 and started role-playing chastity and orgasm denial. All of which was very hot for me. Heather always seemed happy to indulge, though at times she seemed annoyed at how often I wanted to partake in these fetishes. Then in the summer of 2009 I felt like I wanted to actually take the plunge and brought up the idea of her actually having sex with a black guy. Either in front of me or on camera so I could watch later. We discussed for several weeks all the pros and cons and eventually we agreed to move ahead and she created a profile on AFF to meet a potential guy.
To be continued...
I don't think your therapist was correct in saying it was a coping mechanism that brought you to the idea of cuckolding as sexual expression. In order to find more pleasure in it than threat (to your relationship), certain expectations have to be met. Chief among those is a certain level of confidence and certainty in the foundation of your relationship. While part of you fears what her sexual interaction with others could bring, the majority of your psyche is confident that she loves you and that this is an expression of your shared love, not an expression of her looking to replace you.
It would seem that Heather never really 'got it' and likely involved herself more for you than out of any personal interest or appreciation of the gift(s) you gave her by supporting her exploration of sexuality with others. Sadly, this happens - especially at younger ages where we lack the emotional maturity that makes cuckold work for a couple instead of work against them.
October 28, 2013
Thank you for the feedback, I am really appreciating the chance to talk about all of this.
I didn't really buy my therapists rationale either, some of it made sense but it just seemed too simple. That's kind of why I stopped going. Because even though I was very negatively affected by learning about Heather's sexual experiences with other men when we were younger, I was not a very jealous type of person. Or insecure for that matter, I never thought she would leave me or didn't love me until it actually happened two years ago.
So to continue more with my story....
It was late summer of 2009 and after Heather had created a profile on AFF specifically looking for well endowed black men, she started getting messages from prospects. Many seemed fake or weird, probably lonely white husbands pretending to be somebody they weren't, but a few seemed genuinely real. After a couple weeks of messaging, Heather had narrowed down her search to three gentlemen. One was 22, kind of cocky and in the military, the 2nd was late 20s and to the point, lots of "ur fine grl" type talk but not bad and the 3rd was older in his mid-30s and was very nice and talkative. Heather liked the qualities of all three in different ways. The moment of truth had arrived. She decided to set up a date with guy #1, she had told him she was married and that her husband either wanted to watch in person or that she would bring a camera and film their rendezvous so I could watch later. He said he'd rather her film them. They agreed to meet that night at a bar so she could talk and feel him out first. She got dressed up and the extreme nervousness in us both was evident, there were times where we almost called it off as she got ready. But, she went ahead and left, about 30 minutes later she called and said he was 15 minutes late. And about a half hour later she called and said he never showed up and was coming home. I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed. We never heard from that guy again so he must have been a fake and he slipped past our radar.
We had walked right up to the edge however and spent the the next few nights talking more about it all. Even though she had already had sex once with Rob while we had been married it seemed so distant now. This was a whole new level. We decided to try again and this time Heather messaged both guys #2 and #3 ( we'll call them Ray and Jack). She decided to double book a night later that week with one meeting with Jack at 6pm and one with Ray at 9pm in case one of them didn't show up like the last guy. The plan was if Jack did show up that she'd just cancel the later date with Ray, it's kind of silly how business like it all was. But then in the midst of all our planning, her time of the month hit. We weren't sure what to do as we had set things up already, Heather said it might be gone by Thursday night anyways so let's keep our plans and on the chance it's not, I could just give one of them a blowjob on camera for you. I agreed that would be hot, watching my wife with her lips wrapped around a BBC drove be crazy. Thursday evening arrived and Heather again got ready for her date, we were less nervous this time. As she got ready we started role-playing as she put my chastity cage on and put the key which was on a silver necklace chain around her neck as she got ready. She told me I needed to remain locked and naked while she was gone. She played the role really well, teasing me about how I would not be getting a blowjob tonight but that a big black cock would be in her mouth and throat. It was insanely hot. She finished getting ready and we hugged and kissed goodbye and she promised to text every 30 minutes so I knew she was safe and what was going on. She had our small video camera in her purse with a fresh tape and walked out the door.
I waited anxiously for the first text and about 30 minutes later she sent one saying he had showed up at the bar and was super nice and handsome and they were chatting and having a drink. The plan was to get a hotel room across the street for an hour and she'd text me when they were checking in. At around 7:30 she called me and gave me the room number and said she felt totally safe and that she had explained that she was on her period but she'd love to suck his cock and he could hold the camera and film her. He had happily agreed. She said she would call afterwards on her way home. About five minutes later my phone dinged and it was a picture text of my wife topless kneeling on the floor looking up at the camera smiling with a huge black cock next to her face. I almost came right there in my cage. The next 30 minutes were torture as I waited for her call, imagining her mouth working on the cock in the picture. Finally the phone rang.
To be continued....
November 1, 2013
Genuine Cheating Leads To Healing Threesome
Part of my desire to see L have sex with other men must come from an experience we had years ago, when we were first married.
We had just graduated college and were working jobs in the city where we went to college. The summer after she graduated, L had a part-time job cleaning dorm rooms. It was boring work, but she liked the people she worked with. There was an international group of college kids working there. She had co-workers from Asia and the Middle East, people who would not fly home for the summer. One of these co-workers was Sam, a kind, good-looking fellow from Yemen. Sam was not his real name, but an approximation of his name. He was a master's student in electronic engineering. Sam was a very good guy, and we were all good friends. I knew L had a crush on him because of our pillow talk. The idea of her with another guy already turned me on then. The idea of L fooling around with Sam was part of our fantasy life.
L's summer job ended, and that fall she got a different job, but we still socialized with Sam. Back then we had parties every night, which meant that friends would come by to smoke and drink wine, maybe eat some good chocolate. That fall, we taught Sam about the pleasures of 420 as we sat around in L's-and-my little apartment.
Then I got a job working overnights. L's shift would be over at 10, and mine would begin then. We spent mornings together before she would leave in the afternoon, and I would try to get some sleep. L would socialize sometimes after she got off work, but I had to catch parties on my nights off. It was not optimal, but it payed the rent.
One morning when I came home from work, L asked me to go to the bakery with her. There was a small bakery a block from our apartment. Looking back, I wonder if she chose this setting to keep me from getting too emotional, like a person might with a breakup. What she had to tell me devastated me at the time. It was only later, when I had settled down, that I could press her for details.
What she told me was that she had gone to Sam's the night before, and she ended up sucking his cock. She and he were sitting on the couch when he started stroking her hair. I believe she laid her head in his lap and he continued to stroke her hair. It was then that she undid his trousers and pulled out his cock. She was surprised by how big it was, considerably bigger than mine. Much thicker. She said that it was difficult to suck. Suck it she did, though. He tried to take off her pants, but she was not comfortable sharing her pussy without consulting me first. The blowjob was as far as she was willing to go that night. In the end, she swallowed his cum. This was something she was not even doing for me, but she wanted to impress him.
This story makes me very hot now, more than twenty years later, but at the time it was very difficult to accept. We had not been married long, and I felt completely betrayed. I had all sorts of complex feelings about the experience. What made it even stranger is the way that, after crying to L, who apologized over and over, I would use this cuckolding in our sex life. It turned me on at the same time that it hurt me deeply.
In the end, the only way to truly heal the pain of her cheating was to have a threesome. It sounds counter-intuitive, but by having a threesome, I was no longer left out of their relationship. L and my sex life had to expand to include her experience with Sam, and it did. A year after she sucked him off, we had moved to another city, and Sam came to visit us. We had plenty of room in our apartment in the new city, so he stayed with us. We had sex twice. The first time was a threesome, and the second time I sat and watched Sam fuck L. This was the first time he had access to her pussy, and I got to witness it. Later, she told me that it was quite uncomfortable fucking that big cock. She did not cum with him. Alas. Still, it was what our relationship needed.
That has been almost 18 years. Since then, so much has changed. I suspect that after 9/11, Sam moved back to Yemen. L and I agree that, if we could find him again, she would love to get fucked by that big cock. She is older now, and she can take so much more. Now she loves to be stretched open, and she feels like she could really handle his big size.
Sex is interesting because it is fueled by our deep emotional feelings, whether good or bad. This painful experience has been so potent precisely because it was painful. Now, I sometimes dream that L had fucked him that first night. I feel the anguish and arousal that is so unique to a cuckolding. Nowadays, we agree that the way of betrayal is too painful--I would cheat on L a few years later--but that it is okay for her to want other men. In fact, I want other men for her maybe more than she wants other men for herself. Any cuckolding that goes on must be above-the-board. The adventure is too fun to miss out on any of it.
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