Reply To: devastating sense of guilt

Selenenoir,

Your instincts are strong and show that you care very much about your husband — that is all very much to your credit. However, let’s face it, you are not being satisfied sexually by him … you know it, and he knows it too. So do not get all hung up on what happened on one occasion when you got tempted. Should that experience have happened after discussing it and getting agreement from your husband? Sure. But the same thing has happened in millions and millions of marriages that have lasted and in many cases even been strengthened in the wake of such an event.

You have to know that this is not going away — you just had an experience that rocked your inner core, and you are not going to be happy letting that go. If you do not bring this up, you are only going to have a resentment toward your husband that continues to grow over time — that is not healthy.

The real key is how you and your husband can get to a place where you are both feeling satisfied and that you are upholding your rightful roles in the marriage, supporting each other and making sure the other is content in your dedication to each other. To get there, you need to have a conversation about what can make you feel truly satisfied in the marriage.

There may be some temporary jealousy and some angst, but you can reassure him through that — letting him know that he is the one you chose to marry, he is the one you want to stay married to, he is the one who you want to spend your life with, and he is the one who can help you arrive at complete satisfaction. Any man who truly loves his wife, and from everything you have said it sounds like he absolutely does, should jump at a chance to open the key to your complete and utter satisfaction. He can get over his jealousy and angst and support you in your journey of sexual satisfaction.

Good luck to you!