Re: Our “hotwife path” up till now. Pls advise what’s next

I think Nigel and Mark share brilliant reflections here-the right detail, that highlights that a cuck relationship starts from different places. But Thomas you’re at a really arousing and tricky moment now maybe. It could be so easy to push this along really fast and to set up more and more opportunities for the lady to cuck you. What I sense is required though is supportive, calm, interested and sincere conviction on your part-showing that you truly do want her to have the freedom to fuck elsewhere and that you will adore her if she does feel happy doing that. In my experience three reassurances need to be gently conveyed, as and when the conversation opportunities present (best I think when you are making love, especially if you give head).

a. This is a lady’s pleasure thing, she gets all the choices and the pleasures and you will remain devoted to her. Women are so brought up on the fair’s fair principle, sauce for goose and sauce for the gander etc, that they cannot believe that you really want her to have charge of sex and are willing to go without yourself. They worry that if they fuck around so will you. They want YOU to be there for them, so the interest in unequal sexual rights needs to be gently confirmed a few times.

b. That this isn’t some cheap voyeur thing and that you accept that she may fuck elsewhere. I know some others insist that you have to convey expectations here, a tit for tat pleasure thing, seeing in return for supporting her sex life. But all my instincts tell me that a lot of women want their extra marital sex private first off. They are deeply concerned about showcasing sex, either because they think this whore like, or because they worry they can’t do it, or because they worry they will love it too much and lose your respect. My own recommendation is that she is granted full choice on this pro temp, and only when she is confidently enjoying sex with her lover, do you edge towards something back in return. Licking exercised pussy comes first. She wants you guys separate for now. Remember how huge a psychological change this is for her. Having your cake and eat it! She won’t believe it at first.

c. That you will talk often and whenever she wants. She wants this to be firmly consensual. This is especially true as regards older women, who are sometimes just a bit more conservative about the lifestyle. They feel that their instincts are a pandoras box and wonder what on earth might happen if they open same. So you need gently, consistently, to affirm that you love what she is exploring, the kisses and the other opportunities. One way to do this is to write a letter confirming how sexy you find this, inviting her to take life’s pleasures. Arrange to re sign and date it every month, so that she can recheck that you mean what you say. Meantime, encourage her to socialise with girlfriends, when she talks about interesting other men she meets, show you quiet approval. Take an interest in how she describes them and say something like, ‘I love it. If you want to go with him, then you should. You deserve it and I love you.’ Notice the mix, assurance and love. If you get it right she feels incredibly cherished.

Hope that this helps in some way. Jezz