Originally, a cuckold referred to the husband of an unfaithful wife. Implied was that the husband was raising children not his own or at least his wife’s infidelity would lead to such. The word was coined from the cuckoo bird of which certain species lay their eggs in the nests of other birds to be raised by their unwitting parents.
The term wittol, a very old English word, refers to a husband who is aware of his wife’s infidelity and is either resigned to it or lacks the leverage in the marriage to do anything about it, but in no way did the term imply a wittol enjoyed the situation.
Neither of these terms fit the contemporary lifestyle of cuckolding which is defined by a hotwife, a wife who is sexually liberated outside the marriage, and a cuckold, a husband who not only knows of his wife’s coupling outside the marriage, but is both encouraging and supportive.
Some find the term offensive, focusing only on the implied reference to an animal, but if you consider the role of a bull in ranching, you’ll earn a greater appreciation for the term. Among livestock, the bull has a singular purpose: mating with the females. This role lends itself well to cuckolding where the ‘bull’ is invited into the marriage to perform a singular role of sexually servicing and being serviced by, the cuckold’s wife. Bulls and Doms can coexist for the same couple quite well as each have a slightly different focus to their roles. As a Dom, I have invited bulls to enjoy the wives of couples submissive to me. The term bull can also be used in a general way to refer to any male involved with a couple regardless of his specific role (bull, boyfriend or Dom).
A Dom is a bull who has both an assertive personality and experience leveraging that perspective with submissives. In the case of cuckolding, a Dom would need to be familiar with handling both spouses of a cuckold marriage. Many mistake an assertive or aggressive ‘bull’ as being a Dom simply because they are demanding and/or bossy – this isn’t the case. Some may be on the path to becoming a Dom as they learn more about the mental and emotional needs of submissives, but others, more often than not, are simply being selfish. A real Dom accepts and enjoys the responsibility of ensuring the submissives needs are seen to and not just use them selfishly.
The acronym BDSM actually stands for three concepts which are related but also separate:
- Bondage: refers to the enforced sense of control/lack of control brought by being bound
- D/s: Dominance and submission: our natural tendency to lead or follow based on our basic nature as an individual and our perception of those around us
- S&M: Sado-masochism. Probably the most misunderstood, nearly everything the vanilla crowd, those who aren’t a part of any ‘ alternative’dlifestyle doesn’t ‘get’ often gets stuffed into this pigeon hole. S&M, for most, is more about sensation and control than it is about actual pain. The body simply interprets sensation differently when aroused. Take a swat on the bottom. If you’re simply walking by and someone swats your bottom – it stings and is a shock, but when you are aroused, that very same swat will produce a decidedly pleasurable sensation. How hard a swat you can take before it becomes more uncomfortable than pleasure varies per person and is one of the primary responsibilities of the Dom(me) in charge to discover.
submissive vs. slave
Again, opinions vary, but my perspective on these terms is very divergent. I tend to view a slave as someone accepting of or seeking a particular type of experience as a submissive – typically more extreme and full time whereas ‘submissive’ is a more generalized term for someone who prefers to not be in a leadership position.
hotwife marriage vs. cuckold marriage
[link to full article on the topic] The difference between a hotwife marriage and a cuckold marriage is similar to the comparison of a bull to a Dom – the difference is primarily the depth to which this experience is explored. A hotwife couple is one where sharing her is more a ‘hobby’ of booty call sex. A cuckold marriage is more invested in the exploration of D/s dynamics within the sharing.