Re: In praise of Emily

Monday morning. Emily rang to say that she would be around in 10 minutes. She cannot stay so long as she needs to get back and see James before he goes off to work. She needs to reassure the guy. Stupidly I wait at the bedroom window, waiting for a taxi to drop her at the front door. I am anxious, I admit it. I am very anxious. Part of me is ready for a fight and another for reconciliation. What appears up the drive is not a taxi but a Porsche Boxster. It is silver and sleek and from behind the wheel Emily emerges. She is wearing designer jeans and tan boots, she has her hair up and has a tweed short crop jacket over her shoulders like some madam from a shooting party. Fuck…she looks absolutely perfect.

The door bell rings.

‘This is for you’ Emily says when I answer the door.

I open a small, exquisitely wrapped parcel and take out a gold signet ring. The letters E and J are intertwined. How she has managed to buy this over the weekend I don’t know, but as she starts to say, ‘I have missed you so…’ I kiss her greedily. I grab her buttocks and pull her sex against my erection. A voice in my head screams apologise for being snotty last week and another screams, shit no, show no weakness. She wouldn’t respect that. I say…

‘new wheels’

‘Yes…Duncan got it for me…do you like it?’ Her voice quavers as she speaks. She is not taunting or teasing, she is actually unsure. She wants me to be pleased. She wants me to be pleased for her. This isn’t a triumphant Emily, this is a truant who is fresh back from an adventure.

‘It suits you. It’s very madam about town.’
‘Thank you…I so needed you to say that. I have so needed you to say that you still want me. I so need you… to trust me.’
‘I want to fuck the ass off you lady.’
Emily smiles. There is a little gulp as she starts to speak.
‘I want that too…but let’s save for that tonight. I want to tell you about Duncan. I want you to know that things will be OK.’

I fix her a coffee and she starts to recount the weekend. Saturday shopping, Duncan taking her to his favourite shop. The cocktail party was a success. thirty guests and Emily the consummate hostess. No surprise to me I can tell you. She has all the poise you could wish for. Saturday afternoon over to the Porsche dealership and Duncan picks out her car. It is a lease arrangement, but still so impressive and handled matter of fact. She is speechless. It triggers huge doubts. She insists that she hasn’t forgotten James. She cannot forget James…so what does this all mean? Duncan sits her down outside, leaving the sales people to do the paperwork. He talks about his ex. She was an alcoholic, sometime depressive who never wanted Duncan to push on with his career. She wanted them to recede into some obscure corner. She manipulates and poisoned the friendships and the contacts he made. This is why, he earnestly informs her, that she and James are perfect. He so wants Emily but doesn’t believe in marriage anymore. It always goes sour. He needs Emily and her charm, her companionship, her sex appeal, and he will give loads back in return. He hope that this doesn’t seem cold, ‘some sort of bloody business agreement’ (his words). He swears that he won’t push James out. He swears that he won’t cramp Emily’s style, because he can’t make a marital commitment.

‘That’s what your text meant’
‘Yes’ Emily takes my hand.
‘I told him that I have someone else. I told him that I have a lover, that i needed someone because James wasn’t what I had expected.’
‘You told him about me…about us?’
‘Not by name…not by the arrangement. But I told him that I sleep with a very physical man and that I wouldn’t stop doing so. I said that I couldn’t keep his gifts if that was a problem.’

‘From what you just drove up in, I assume that he accepted that.’
‘Yes…he did.’
‘You mean, he did…’
Emily laughs and kisses me, ‘yes. Honestly, he did. That is why I am so excited. That is why it will be OK. He won’t push you out and he won’t push James out. He knows how I am with James. He will guess that you are a hard man too.’

This is surreal. It is damned surreal. Its perfect for her and i can see that. She has all the snobby stuff with him. She is ambitious, hard headed and decisive about all this. Yes she doubts and worries but she goes for what she wants too. Did Mags guess this? What did she know?

Checking her watch she says,
‘I have to go…you will come over this evening won’t you. I want you so much!’
‘Yes…of course…sure, yes.’

As the car drives off from outside my heart is racing. There are two emotions. Exhilaration for sure, but also a scary feeling too. Its the one you get when the roller coaster heads for the corkscrew. Its the one where you will ride through, but not direct the course.