Re: In praise of Emily

JAMES INTERVIEW: THE BEGINNINGS

I’m over at Emily’s place and James and i have got an hour or so to talk in private. I learn that his mistress and Mags have gone to town shopping. Thinking about that is distracting. I wonder what they’re doing?! James looks a tad uncomfortable, but I’m not entirely sure whether it because of this interview, or whether his mistress has a butt plug in situ with the guy. May be it is both. Anyway, I will do my best to help him relax. I tell him that this time I want to focus on the first inklings that he had that he was cuck orientated and where that come from. I want to hear about being with Emily and thinking that she could be a hot wife. We’ll talk about their explorations associated with that in a later interview.

Jez You ready man- its really good of you to talk like this. Others in our blog should find it interesting. I reckon it will be good for some prospective hotwives as well. To hear a cuck think aloud like that, one that they don’t live with.
Ja: I’ll do my best.
Jez: OK, let’s fill in some background, you’ve been with Emily for a few years now right, was it six or seven?
Ja: You lose track don’t you. Married I guess it has been seven, but we dated a while before then.
Jez: You were married before weren’t you, a younger girl, what shall we call her?
Ja: Let’s call her Elise. Yes, I was married for three years, but it went wrong. We went our own ways.
Jez: Elise like Emily…do you go for a type of lady man?
Ja: No…Elise was very different. She was , well more homely, more folksy perhaps. She wasn’t as aggressive as my mistress.
Jez: Assertive?
Ja: No..honestly Id’ say Emily is aggressive, but that’s OK, its what i learned to love and to need.
Jez: Did Elise dominate you?
Ja: No…she didn’t. We were very well, very mellow. We weren’t adventurous about sex in any way. We did it, we fucked I mean, but it wasn’t the centre of the universe for us. She was very different from my mistress
Jez Take me back then to the first inklings that you were a cuck in the making. Did you use to fantasise about Elise fucking other men?
Ja(laughs) Hell yes, I did, but this was never Elise’s thing. She was a little chubby and very pretty. Men came on to her alright, but she would run a mile rather than do the business with them.
Jez But you did think about it, some guy shafting your first wife.
Ja Yes I did…I would sometimes masturbate in the john at a party, because other guys were watching my wife when ww danced. I always liked that.
Jez Elise ever know?
Ja Hell no. She would have been mortified!
Jez So by that first marriage you were already cuck curious right. Did it worry you?
Ja It did…it worried me loads. I wondered whether i was an odd ball or something. I wondered if I was normal!
Jez Were you reading stuff by then, surfing the web and the like for cuck sex material?
Ja: Yes…and i felt guilty about it sometimes. i would panic that Elise would find out
Jez She never did?
Ja She caught me wanking once and was pretty put out. I wasn’t reading or watching stuff I was just tugging. I had her silk undies around my cock.
Jez; What happened?
Ja She pretended that it never happened. I washed her knickers and we went on as though that was ghost in the john, tugging on his todger
Jez Were there other indications that you were duck orientated- i mean back with Elise?
Ja Well yes…I would buy her loads of clothes, really smart and sexy things. I knew all her dimensions, her clothes sizes. i would sift through her drawer and undies, or her wardrobe and measure things, check the labels, to make sure I got her the right sized things. I spent a fortune on her and gave her loads of presents. I found all sorts of excuses to gift her things and she casually took the gifts, wore the clothes, but behaved as though this signified nothing
Jez And they were meant to signify things right?
Ja They were. they were meant to say I’m available to fuck, I’m better than you, you’re a fool and I’m a lady but she did n’t think on that plane
Jez But it did work didn’t it. Despite being anxious about other men I mean?
Ja Yes…yes, she dumped me
Jez She dumped you on the back of a holiday romance
Ja Yes. She and a friend went skiing and this guy fucked her every night in the chalet.
Jez Don’t want to dwell on that mate, but can you say whether that fuelled or cooled your interest in being a duck
Ja definitely, it fuelled things. I would wank like crazy when the divorce was happening. I contested the house and such like, just to see her with him at the court.
Jez It got you stiff seeing them together
Ja yeah, big time
Jez What was he like?
Ja a builder, rough and well built type. But he didn’t talk a lot and she didn’t so that was right for them. I can’t imagine what it was like at the ski resort. He must have said something like I want to fuck you and she must have said OK then (laughs). Its not as though she reflected much about herself as a person.
Jez How did the divorce work out then
Ja she got the house and smirked when the decision was made
Jez You wanked afterwards
Ja You can guess can’t you
Jez Right, so we’re clear that with Emily it wasn’t the first time that you were aroused by the idea of being put down by a woman. Did it all start then do you think?
Ja oh no- way back. I was still a kid when I first had the feelings. I just didn’t know what they meant. I was pretty perturbed by them. I spoke to no one
Jez can you illustrate those feelings for me
Ja Well back at school we would have sports lessons and there were girls there who were fitter, faster, better looking than I was
Jez You admired them?
Ja For sure…they were bloody brilliant looking girls.
Jez What was it about them then?
Ja Well their looks for sure, but also what they seemed to know as a result of looking good. Yes, the older guys would date them, the teachers might pander to them, the parents would dote on them. They started a race a whole circuit ahead of people like me
Jez did you see others noticing the effect?
Ja Yes, the plainer girls, the ones with mo sex appeal, they noticed. They learned to treat the sexy girls as their betters
Jez You have a theory here then?
Ja Well yes…in as much as life isn’t equal and it teaches you to know your place. The successful girls, the intelligent and beautiful girls were getting ahead. They weren’t always cruel as such but you could see that they did consider themselves better than you
Jez The school system wasn’t meant to foster that was it?
Ja No…but women had the upper hand even then. There were more jobs for people with brains and the girls were good at their studies. Teachers were encouraging them to be bold in their career choices. They weren’t going to be secretaries and nurses any more
Jez So how did you behave?
Ja well I would befriend them and hope that the charm rubbed off on me. It did a little bit, but they never treated me as one of them
Jez Did you like that, that you were kept at arms length
Ja Not at first..but later yes. I had my first wet dream thinking about that. I remember that a group of us had gone down to the coast and there was this guy on a big motto guzzi bike. Cliche I know, but the girl I had befriended went cold on me after riding the sands with him on the back of that bike.
Jez So tell me, do you think that you learned to be a cuck in your adolescent? Were you especially sensitive to the mating and dating thing that happens at that time?
Ja In a large part yes. I know that you think that cucks are a sexual orientation that we are born this way
Jez Not sure that i think its all in the genes but yes, I think it is pretty deep and needs to be respected for that..
Ja Well I learned the attitude. I learned to associate feeling sexy with women who were better than me and most of all who knew that. i liked women that were arrogant and selfish and well..like Emily
Jez Anything reinforce that…apart from Elise I mean?
Ja; Possibly…possibly lots of things. I have an older sister who is more successful than me. Mum and dad applauded her every step. They were polite about what i managed
Jez You’re not thick, you earn a fair wage
Ja Yes…but its relative isn’t it!
Jez Tell me some more then about the business of thinking about these feelings, about the things you found horny
Ja Well…you deal with shame. There was a time when I saw a couple making out on this piece of heath beyond the college grounds. He was a big guy and she was one of the most petite girls in the college. I didn’t follow them there, I didn’t do the peeping Tom thing. But when he fucked her so hard, I felt very horny
Jez Did you jerk off?
Ja Not immediately, I was too frightened that they might see me. But I found that this sort of scene burned a hole in my head. I could remember it so easily and vividly and I could get off on it frequently over the next weeks, just picturing it happen
Jez You’re not always allowed to watch us are you… your mistress is firm about that
Ja That’s how it needs to be…I need that. Right now I need to be denied a lot, to work for the crumbs. But way back then, it was a much more visual thing with me. I really liked seeing a woman being abandoned with a guy. It was as if she had unlocked herself. The rest of the time she was prim, proper and oh so cultured and then in the hands of the right guy…pow!
Jez So you were learning to like that contrast, between how a woman is social and how she might be sexually
Ja Yes…I started to think of some women as volcanoes, explosive and hot in some deeper way.
Jez carry on with the doubt thing then, what were you wrestling with?
Ja Well, when you’re younger you want to be like the rest, but you’re not. You are interested in girls for sure, but you’re turned on by the snooty and the glamorous ones most of all
Jez If you’re not their type that’s a disaster isn’t it?
Ja Very much so. But you’re a moth and you go around and around them. You get older, you find ways to please them, to be good for them in some way. But deep down, in the cellar as it were, you need to worship them
Jez Did you imagine that any girl could be looking for that sort of bloke, a beta male?
Ja No…you don’t and its very very lonely. You think that they are all well adjusted and you are not. They are normal and you are not
Jez That seems to reinforce the inferiority thing, that you would never match them as a partner in the way they would want. I mean they don’t have to think about what is normal. They just get on with it.
Ja If you’re in the statistical majority, that’s how it is. No one says, ‘hey have you thought about whether you feel and see things in the same way as the rest of us’. You don’t have those debates. You have girl talk in the powder room and its all about that sexy guy. Its not the deep at midnight conversation such as we’re having now
Jez clearly not…
Ja Well, you get to wondering and then thinking and the horny thoughts are there sufficiently often for you to finally…and it is finally…to say, alright I must live with these somehow. If in all other regards I am a nice person, but have a particular sexual outlook, then I must explain this to myself somehow
Jez You are a nice person
Ja With a problem?
Jez Only a problem if it upsets others and ruins your ability to be yourself, to relate to other people in some reasonable way…
Ja Well. I used to think of it as my problem. That was how I felt when I was with Elise. I couldn’t talk about it
Jez If she could have talked with you about it, would it have remained a problem?
Ja May be…you don’t know how a woman that you live so much might react
Jez Because you are a monster?
Ja I’ve never thought that. There are worse things than worshipping a woman, doing loads to try and make her feel happy. Think of all the drunks who beat their ladies up, think of the guys who hurt a woman because they’re brutal
Jez I agree. I think you are a nice person. You are nicer than me and i don’t think of myself as entirely horrible
Ja Well, that’s been the benefit of our relationship. I could have waited a million years for an Emily by chance, but I started to talk and we had such a good time then.
Jez I know!