Re: Denial

Well, it’s been a while since I updated this thread.   In response to Luvr’s last update here I have to agree with most/all of it.   It is most definitely the period before my wife sees her lover where we both feel her “waiting” for him is when the feelings and knowledge of just what she is doing and why are exemplified.    I remember balking at this idea early on only to now find myself enamored with the idea of her wanting her arousal for her lover to rise more before she sees him.  As a ritual, this has become something that both of us found very arousing.  

Unfortunately, my wife’s relationship with her last boyfriend ended just before New Years so she has been between boyfriends since then.    We have resumed a somewhat normal vanilla-ish sex life together – fulfilling but not edge-pushing.  She has had sex with one other guy but it was a mutually satisfying thing and will not lead to a relationship other than perhaps more “quickies”.   She has her eye on a new guy but again says he is not her “Mr. Right” and merely wants to experience some of the arousal of another man.  

However, things have changed elsewhere – this downtime has served to be a time when she, rightfully so, encouraged and pushed me to be much more open and accepting of what we both now openly admit to wanting to resume – her sexually focused relationship with another man which will again relegate me to beta-status.   Our talking for literally the past 6 months has revealed that in many ways I feared her knowing and understanding that I truly am aroused at her sexuality with other men and that in some ways, I was reluctant to really openly admit it to her that I truly wanted this and wanted the denial that came with it.  

Over these past few months I have opened up to her as she’s done the same with me.   Things I’d been reluctant to admit to her are now more out in the open and it feels incredible that we can now talk so openly about this outside the bedroom and outside sexual situations.   We’ve also both shared some of our darker fantasies, ones that should probably remain just that.   It was cathartic in that we both felt so much freer knowing that we each had our own more extreme thoughts and even that we shared some of these.   Now that she is past being fertile, we have both opened up that the idea of her becoming pregnant from a lover is something that turns us both on.    I was hesitant to admit that to her and she was equally reluctant to do the same – understandably so.   But since opening up as part of this between-boyfriend period – we have both been able to say things more easily to each other.

Luvr – you talk about rituals and there is one other that we have adopted that I want to share.    Early on my wife’s preferred night for seeing her boyfriends were on Thursdays.   For whatever reasons, that worked best.   When she first requested the 48 hour rule I was reluctant and usually after just 24 hours I was climbing the walls.   So, we long ago adopted something that has now become a ritual for us.   On Wednesday nights she will ask/encourage and sometimes accompany me as she watches and enjoys me masturbating.   Sometimes she’ll goad me into doing it twice as she knows that suppresses much of my sexual desires for a day or so.    In the past that made it easier for her to be with her lover on Thursday (or Friday) without her having to ‘worry’ about me.

Now, even while she’s between lovers, we continue our Wednesday ritual.  It has become a time when we can really talk openly about all matter sexual.   It’s during these times that she’s seen the obvious arousal I have when we talk about her asking me to resume using condoms with her once she’s found a new boyfriend amongst other things.   I find myself being very aroused at masturbating for her and I love the arousal it brings in her and she continues to openly admit that it turns her on watching me cum and “knowing it’s not in me”.    Most of the time she’ll tease me continually until I am frantic and then she’ll say things or set a scene in my mind that will just push me over the edge.   It’s become a very loving time for both of us as it’s a time when we feel very close together even if we aren’t sexual with each other.   Sometimes she’ll masturbate along with me other times she’ll tease and extoll to me that she is “waiting for my boyfriend”.    In most cases when I am through and have caught my breath, she will play with and collect my cum into a puddle on my stomach and will usually bring her fingers through it and let me lick them clean – many times she’ll kiss and snowball with me. 

I can say now, being a few years into this Wednesday ritual, that it is most definitely a time that brings us closer together and the feelings we share together offset some of the disconnect we feel at other times when she is more attentive to her lover than me.   Sorry for rambling but I thought it was a good time to add these thoughts and end with one last one – that it is so striking to me that I actually want her to find herself another boyfriend so that she will once again ‘want’ me to use condoms with her.