Re: Late 40s couple, new here and ready for lifestyle

All the best of luck.  Just always remember that this is supposed to be fun and is icing on an already great relationship.  Keep up the communication; make sure everyone is mutually on board (nobody should take one for the team – hotwife, cuck, or bull); and don’t do things if something doesn’t feel right.  There’s no huge rush and she’ll (you both) have plenty of opportunities and options.  You can afford to be picky and, while you might be fixed on a BBC to bust the cuck cherry, keep your eyes open for lots of possibilities.  You never know; the best fit might not even have been considered.  Don’t give up or desperately take the first possibility.  There are risks and you should all have fun and not regrets.  Lastly, do expect both of your emotions to surprise you.  Fantasy and reality in this can be very different, though both fun.  (Do expect to at least feel a little bit of momentary jealousy, regret or a cold sweat.)  Communication after the consummation is critically important.  You don’t just need confirmation that she had fun and had orgasms.  She really will need to know that you were okay with what happened.  Things can get very fragile.  The bull might also need to maintain contact right afterward, depending on the guy and the experience.  Your wife will probably like knowing that he enjoyed her company and didn’t just use her as an available cum dumpster.  That’s also why lover selection is so important.

Here’s a good mental exercise to try out when you two are out.  Evaluate normal guys you meet under normal circumstances.  It could be the plumber that shows up, a cashier, whoever.  Imagine, while he is talking with you two that he is going to be naked and fucking your wife in front of you or in the next room.  There, you have a face, a live body, a real person, rather than a guy in a video.  It becomes more personal and you might realize that there are issues that make either or both of you uncomfortable.  Try to imagine the same with a really close, long time friend.  They are usually excluded as possibilities for good reason.  But you can see how familiarity might be important to a degree but also a buzz killer in the play.  You should get to know a bull some first, for compatibility, sexual chemistry, and trust, but with the understanding from the start that it is all pursuant to him fucking your wife, perhaps regularly and even maybe in your stead.  That’s how he differs from your vanilla friends.  It might take time and patience and eliminating guys you have invested both into for a time.  But it is not like finding a spouse, since the goal is satisfying and trustful sex, not lfe partnership.  The poly folks extend that boundary.