Re: New obsession

Thank you for sharing your story.  There is an old proverb for couples in alternative lifestyles, “The man gets the couple started in the lifestyle, and the woman keeps the couple in it”.  Almost every couple will advise that communication is essential.  To move forward with this, you could continue the pillow talk, and present some of the fantasies that you have become obsessed with.  Proceed with caution and start slow and give your wife time to soak in the thoughts.  You could also share erotic stories on the topics you are interested in, or try to find videos to watch with your wife.  If you can get her to watch and enjoy a video, or read a story, then keep feeding her more on the very same topics or scenes you are most interested in.  It is important to find out what turns your wife on and try to cater around that too.

The most important thing is to preserve the marriage and relationship that you already have.  Adding another to the bedroom activity should enhance the relationship and bring the two of you closer together, but that will only happen if done correctly.  There could be negative outcomes by rushing into things, or not finding the right match to a new partner you would open your marriage to.  You and your wife will have to establish rules and boundaries for the sake of preserving what you already have.  You will want to establish what activity would be totally off limits at any time, and what softer limits you may not be comfortable with now, but may be open to once comfort, trust, and confidence is established in a new lifestyle relationship.

You may also want to define your goals from entering relations with someone from outside the marriage.  This could be sexually oriented, but it does not always have to be.  It can be surprising to find out how many nonsexual benefits there can be from letting in another lover.  You should not just consider the thrill of sharing your wife for the first time, but also look down the road and consider how you would envision your relationship a year after, and even five or ten years further down.  Being able to map things out with your wife in regards to where the boundaries are, and what direction to go with a new relationship, and how to get around any foreseen obstacles could really pay off down the road.

You will want to discover what it is you desire from such a relationship, and what roles everyone in such an alternative lifestyle will have.  There are several established models that provide general roles for each person in the relationship.  You do not have to follow any ideas or notions on these roles that don’t fit you, but it may be worth exploring for ideas.  Defining the expectations that you and your wife have for each other and a new lover, and what each of you is willing to give to the relationship could prove very helpful.  Communication, planning, and discussion are essential to make things work long term.

After you achieve that, you may want to post an ad or profile and begin your search for a lover.  You could look for opportunities to have erotic chats or cybersex with someone new, while both you and your wife are at the computer.  This could prove enjoyable, but also be a good way to test for any jealousies and easy to break off if things do not feel comfortable.  You will then be ready to find the new lover to come into your marriage.

May you have great success.