Re: Couple Looking for Advise

Shiloh, I’m happy to say, is now a verified hotwife – I’ll post an article to that effect shortly.

Nice ass! But, I digress.

The issue you two are experiencing is not at all uncommon. What’s uncommon is that you’ve given your husband repeated chances to correct/manage/figure out his issue(s). Most often when a wife encounters such mixed signals she simply calls it off. Perhaps the only reason you haven’t is because his need/interest in this seems so sincere.

I’m very glad you two have reached out for some help on this and despite the very awkward start for you two,  I think this can be worked out. Your husband is doing what we call topping from the bottom. This is a behavior where someone appears to be taking an assertive role by encouraging and even being demanding of certain things but fails to maintain that role of authority. A husband in a naturally assertive role ‘drives the bus’. He decides where to go, how fast to get there, and what happens after you arrive and depart. A husband topping from the bottom wants the bus to get there, but doesn’t want to drive it – he pushes it enough to get it rolling…then runs ahead of it to get hit by it! What I mean by that is they assert themselves just enough to enable a situation or experience where they can then enjoy a non-assertive (non-leadership) role. Once the experience is over, they are back on the roller coaster wanting to set up another ride.

He’s right that you need to take control. In fact, he’s far more right than he realizes. You essentially need to lay down some law. This is going to happen (this way) or it doesn’t happen anymore at all. He has displayed a complete inability to manage his excitement, his anxiety, and to place your needs even at par with his, let alone ahead of them.

Now that I’ve torn him down a bit, let me give him his due for having supported sharing you in the first place – it’s never easy – but if it were, it wouldn’t be enjoyable. I also have to applaud him for seeking help – that demonstrates that your relationship is, in the end, what matters most to him.

What I think you both need is a bit of guidance – some limits and expectations you can both commit to regarding your own behavior and regarding your interactions with each other. These ‘rules’ will be the ‘business plan’ of your adventure together as a hotwife/cuckold couple. It’s often easier for a couple to get such guidance from a third party since neither will then feel the other is at more of an advantage. This is why a Dom is so good for a cuckold couple but the paradox is a couple has to have opportunity to let a Dom earn that trust before he can do that work for them. I’ll try to shortcut that process a bit since it seems you two will likely take to my advice more easily than just some guy she’s dating.

This process will end the issue of always feeling the goalposts move or are missing entirely. To continue in this lifestyle, BOTH have to adhere to expectations, not just the wife.

You two should come visit the chatroom so we can speak in real-time.