Denial

We’ve had a number of pretty open discussions. She had a hard time coming out and saying it to me at first but now she’s been much more forthcoming that for now she genuinely would prefer me to use condoms with her except for “special occasions”. We’ve been together 25+ years and I’ve cum in her bare most all of that time (she was on the pill for most of it) so it’s a bit of a surprise that she’d ask it of me. But on the other hand, she’s had a very interesting lover for the past 9 months or so who’s been able to bring out all sorts of things in her that I’ve been surprised by.

She says she still loves having sex with me and loves the intimacy that we have together. She just prefers that only her lover gets to cum in her. I find it incredibly arousing – even though I am denied feeling her bare pussy and sharing the moment when she feels my cum in her – there are just so many other feelings of satisfaction that I get by doing this with her that in someways, it seems strangely more fulfilling to both of us. Plus, she’s said several times that she likes knowing both – that our relationship is based on more than just my need to cum in her – and at the same time that she also loves the intensity we’ve felt when we’ve not used condoms such as 2 weeks back now.

I find myself feeling incredibly horny and very satisfied now using condoms with her. I used to dread them and the associated lack of intimacy – I couldn’t have ever imagined willingly giving up feeling the silky inside of her pussy – but now – it’s strangely incredibly satisfying. I find myself being very aroused that only her lover is feeling that with her – and yes, that she denies me the fulfillment of cumming deep inside her – that is now reserved for her lover. I’ve found myself taken with this thought – that she is only having her lover’s cum in her – to the point that it arouses me incredibly. She very much enjoys having sex with me – she cums easily and frequently – sometimes I know the lubrication I can feel through the latex is her lovers semen still in her – that is an intense feeling.

I’m not sure I’m into the numbing stuff – that seems a bit too much – her intent/desire isn’t to deny me pleasure – it’s merely to deny me the pleasure of cumming in her. I know that in the past, when I’ve cum deeply inside her – that she says the sensation will frequently cause her to have a deep intense orgasm. It is incredibly arousing to me to know that she only feels that with her lover while I wait for our special time together. That, plus the knowledge that any wetness or lubrication in her is from him is just something that is so unexpectedly pleasurable.

She’s kidded with me (with some seriousness) that “some couples use condoms their whole time together”.

Luvr – we had tried (and enjoyed) your suggested period of abstinence in the past. With her first lover it never really came up as the day before she had always said that she wanted to be horny for when she’d see him. It was her second lover who pushed our envelope more. He was a bit of a Dom type personality and tried to push my wife into doing things that, she wasn’t ready for at the time – including him actually requesting she totally cut me off from sex with her. She flatly denied that request but she did begin to insist on at least 48 hours of cleanliness before she’d see him and she said he was fastidious about not liking to know that she was still having sex with me.

This has become somewhat of an unspoken norm – that she likes at least 2 days for her horniness to rise. That still gives us plenty of time together – she will often go out on Tuesdays and usually Thursday or Friday. We would have sex together, if she was up for it and wanted it, when she’d return or over the weekend. It’s only with her latest lover – and only in the past few months that she’s seized on this new idea of me not cumming in her at all. She often teases me now that “xxxxx is the only one who cums in me now” – but even with using condoms with her, she still wants her 2 days before a date to get herself ready so it’s much more than just being clean for him.

I’m aroused by it all and comforted that we’ve been able to reconnect as we have when we’ve gone away for a special occasion and she’s allowed and enjoyed me going bare with her again. She admitted that even she felt an added intensity between us by what we’re doing and the results were spectacular the last time we went away, now 3-weeks ago, with us behaving like newlyweds again. Recently she’s begun to enjoy knowing she can exert more control over our times together but she is still most definitely focused on our mutual enjoyment of what we’re doing – and I’ve admitted to her that, at least for now, I’m quite content and aroused to use condoms with her – she in turn says she is feeling very aroused herself by feeling that her lover now controls her pussy and, in many ways, has traded places with me – he enjoys her bare while I do not. But it turns me on and she is not out to deny me pleasure at all – quite the opposite – she takes great (and receives) pleasure in knowing that we still have a good sex-life together – she just doesn’t want my semen in her right now.

It’s quite intense to open the nightstand and see that she’s replenished our box of condoms.

Interesting point – formalize what is presently unformalized. She has begun to ask about how to more fully express and share – and yes, arouse me with what we’re doing. I’m not really into humiliation type of behavior as in comparing him to me or belittling me and more importantly, she takes no pleasure in that – but I am incredibly aroused at her pointing out and emphasizing what she gives her lover and what she denies me. Perhaps the 48-hour rule could also be something she’s comfortable with using as a way to keep me aroused. I should probably add that in the past – after our weekends away where I’ve gone bare with her, that upon our return and before she sees her lover – both times she’s douched before she sees him – an act which really turned me on.

We did practice the 48-hour rule in earnest a few years back when she was seeing a lover who was much more of a Dom type. He’d asked and even tried to insist that she cut me off totally and told her on many occasions that he didn’t like to know or hear that she’d had sex with me – that he wanted her pussy to be exclusively his. It was too early in our exploring the whole cuckold thing for her to say okay to him. He got very annoyed with her when one time she was still wet from having sex with me and he said he could taste it in her. She was fairly insistent on the 48-hour rule when she saw him to prevent this kind of scene – that was also when she started douching at times before seeing him. It always turned me on to see/know she was preparing to see him. I have joked with her now that he might have been happy to settle for what has now become our norm – and pondered whether he would have been content to know that he was the only one to cum in her.

That relationship ended badly for her and it is only now, several years later that we are talking about that time in a favorable way. But during the year or more when she was seeing him VERY regularly she was also still having her period and because of when they’d see each other, her more strict enforcement of the 48-hour rule – combined with her monthly, there were many times when I waited for 2+ weeks before I would have sex with her at all.

What is most different now is that it is her that wants what we are doing and she’s no longer hesitant or shy to say it – she’ll now say clearly “I don’t want you to cum in me” instead of what she would say back then which was “he doesn’t want you to”. It’s incredible to know she’s turned on by all of this.

Luvr – I’ve been looking over the rest of this site including the many different explanations and analysis of different aspects of being a cuckold.
I’ve been unable to express how I feel at times, I couldn’t find the words to explain it. But then I saw May 2011 Page 2.
I’m not sure if you authored this content but it and other thoughts regarding denial are incredibly insightful for me.
I particularly liked what you said about why husbands such as myself in mutually satisfying sexual relationships would want to experience this.
Somewhere I read and it rang true that a big part of my desire to do this with my wife is to have the experience of being the beta-male after so many years.
Even if it isn’t all for real and she has an underlying desire to please me as a part – the effects are the same when we play it for real as we are.
The intensity I feel when I put on a condom, knowing I am denying myself of truly feeling my wife as we make love is incredibly arousing.

I have pushed her to experience many “firsts” with her lovers over the past few years. She long found this to be strange but now understands it much better.
Those experiences could really only be experienced one time. But this denial we are practicing seems to have struck the right balance for both of us.
It give her the erotic knowledge that only her lover shares the moment of orgasm truly in her and makes her feel incredibly horny – and it gives me an incredible sense of satisfaction knowing, as I said, that SHE wants this.

I now understand a bit more of what drives me in this desire with her.
You have a great website here.

I thought I should follow-up and share that during some private passionate moments that I opened up to my wife and told her of my desires.

She’s not totally literate on the terminologies expressed here – alpha/beta-male, etc., so instead I merely expressed myself as I said here – that I would very much like her to take greater control of our sexuality together and that I would like to experience her – making it as real as she can – that she desires / prefers / wants her lover instead of me. In different words I admitted to her that I would like to know that her sexual desires are being filled by another man. I told her that I enjoy knowing that she is sharing her most intimate of moments and experiences with her lover and not necessarily me.

I do feel that my newfound knowledge and awareness of myself has helped me understand the motivations behind many of the things I had previously encouraged her to do.
I know I felt conflicted and confused at times – but beneath it all I wanted it to happen – especially for 2 of the most significant things we’ve done/shared.

The first was some 4 years ago now. Sue had become involved with her 2nd lover and once it became obvious that this wasn’t a fleeting-desire for her, that she would always want a lover – that she felt it was time/justification to move away from a diaphragm for birth-control. She was still having her monthly cycle back then so some sort of alternate b/c was needed. Despite her doctor’s suggestion of a vasectomy for me (something I’d rejected several years earlier and now had the last laugh on), she eventually changed to use an IUD. I recall that her doctor said we should use alternate b/c for a few days until she was certain it wouldn’t be rejected by her body – and the only choice was condoms. I look back and can see foreshadowing of what was to come with my surprised enjoyment using them with her. Her gyn doc suggested 4-5 days of condom use. When that 5th night came around it surprised her that I chose to use a condom with her – knowing that she was enforcing her 48-hour rule. She asked me if I knew what was going to happen and I nodded that I did. Looking back she went along with it without a question – and it resulted in her lover being the first to “try out her IUD” – and it turned me on at the time to no end to know that he was the first to cum in her without a diaphragm or contraceptive jelly being used. My cock throbbed at the knowledge that I’d wanted him to be the first. And yet, at the time, I couldn’t verbalize what I was feeling.

The second time occurred not much more than a year ago. In the short 3+ year time since her IUD was inserted, her doc’s confirmed that she’d pretty much been through menopause (and even retrospectively admitted that the IUD was largely unneeded) as all of her hormone levels including FSH were markedly low to where it would have been a medical miracle for her to become pregnant. As such, the doc removed her IUD. She was quite sore afterwards – she said removal was more painful than putting it in. The doc again suggested a few days for her cervix to calm down. And so again – when the 4-5 days were over and she could safely resume intercourse – this time I openly told her that it would turn me on if she would give that opportunity to her lover – for him to be the first to cum in her truly unprotected since I’d gotten her pregnant almost 2 decades ago. I masturbated and came intensely at what I’d put into motion and when she came home afterwards with his semen still in her – I was elated beyond words and incredibly turned on.

When she seized on this new fetish, as I’ll call it, of just having her lover cum in her bare – it brought back such intense memories of these 2 events (and others) that I now see clearly foreshadowed the changes that we are now exploring with me using condoms with her. For me – every time I don a condom to have sex with her – it continually gives me the deep-seated desire and satisfaction I felt in the past at her lover experiencing things with her that I do not. And for me, understanding it all a little more has truly let me enjoy it with her. My openness with her is being reciprocated and she is slowly feeling out how to best tease and arouse me – as she’s said more than once that my enjoyment of all of this is a key part of what she also enjoys.

Hey Steve,

Yes – she told me she’d spent sometime in the chatroom and was pleasantly surprised at just how nice everyone was. She giggled and said that it helped to hear others tell her what we’re doing isn’t so crazy and that others share the same thoughts and arousals. I had seen your post yesterday and asked her last night if she knew everything she was posting was out in the public forum – her reply was “so is your thread where you posted all of this from your side” and she said that while she’d probably come back to the chatroom, that she’d respect my privacy and thoughts in this thread. She said she’d read the first few lines and that she felt guilty because she realized that I’d been working up the courage to accept my desires and that she didn’t want to pry into my head.

We’ve been talking more and she’s still, I believe, looking for continual assurances that I like what we’re doing. I told her again that denying myself sharing the most intimate moment of pleasure with her is something that, for some reason, turns me on. When we’re having sex together and I think that her lover will cum in her freely while I choose to use a condom with her – I can’t explain it fully but is incredibly satisfying to feel myself cum at that thoughts of that moment.

She’s told me that when we have sex bare – that when she can feel me cumming in her, that it spurs her to float into yet another orgasm herself and that she can feel her body spasming as she feels the warmth from me spreading inside her. She then looked at me and said “I only feel that with Robert now you know…..” and wanted me to be sure I understood just what I am giving up with her. I told her the fact that she wants that moment and experience with him only makes me hornier about it. And I joked with her that come Christmas to New Years when she’s said we will go bare again, I told her that she’d better be ready… lol.

Steve

Frank – thanks. My wife is equally impressed but she admits she still cannot understand how that gives me pleasure – but she is also now at the point of accepting that everything cannot always be explained. Why does one person like broccoli and another does not? I know what I am giving up – and I know what I am ceding to her lover to both give and experience with her. I know it arouses me like nothing else but cannot explain it more than that.

It took me a long time – I suppose close to 15 years – for me to learn to accept this desire of mine to be the beta-male for my wife. We’d tried other types of denial and this one, coupled with my acceptance, really seems to give me what I wanted to feel. I’d thoroughly enjoyed what we’d done in the past but always felt that it never quite gave me what I wanted.

There are definitely stories about this same sort of thing. My wife Sue admits that there was a story in Penthouse Letters many years ago where the wife had forced the husband to use condoms with her (as opposed to my willingness) and afterwards in the story, the wife expresses delight at dropping the condoms in the trash. She says that something about that story from long ago struck her too – again she couldn’t explain why either. So I suppose maybe this was a foreshadowing of what would come to be between us.

We have talked and she’s asked me about how it makes me feel and all I’ve been able to express is that it strangely fulfills me and that even though I may not feel her and experience the moment truly with her, I have to admit that my orgasms and post-orgasm satisfaction have never been higher. She too admits she’s felt me being much more foreceful and more physical with her and says that the whole experience is very exciting for her.

stevej

Well, it’s been a while since I updated this thread.   In response to Luvr’s last update here I have to agree with most/all of it.   It is most definitely the period before my wife sees her lover where we both feel her “waiting” for him is when the feelings and knowledge of just what she is doing and why are exemplified.    I remember balking at this idea early on only to now find myself enamored with the idea of her wanting her arousal for her lover to rise more before she sees him.  As a ritual, this has become something that both of us found very arousing.  

Unfortunately, my wife’s relationship with her last boyfriend ended just before New Years so she has been between boyfriends since then.    We have resumed a somewhat normal vanilla-ish sex life together – fulfilling but not edge-pushing.  She has had sex with one other guy but it was a mutually satisfying thing and will not lead to a relationship other than perhaps more “quickies”.   She has her eye on a new guy but again says he is not her “Mr. Right” and merely wants to experience some of the arousal of another man.  

However, things have changed elsewhere – this downtime has served to be a time when she, rightfully so, encouraged and pushed me to be much more open and accepting of what we both now openly admit to wanting to resume – her sexually focused relationship with another man which will again relegate me to beta-status.   Our talking for literally the past 6 months has revealed that in many ways I feared her knowing and understanding that I truly am aroused at her sexuality with other men and that in some ways, I was reluctant to really openly admit it to her that I truly wanted this and wanted the denial that came with it.  

Over these past few months I have opened up to her as she’s done the same with me.   Things I’d been reluctant to admit to her are now more out in the open and it feels incredible that we can now talk so openly about this outside the bedroom and outside sexual situations.   We’ve also both shared some of our darker fantasies, ones that should probably remain just that.   It was cathartic in that we both felt so much freer knowing that we each had our own more extreme thoughts and even that we shared some of these.   Now that she is past being fertile, we have both opened up that the idea of her becoming pregnant from a lover is something that turns us both on.    I was hesitant to admit that to her and she was equally reluctant to do the same – understandably so.   But since opening up as part of this between-boyfriend period – we have both been able to say things more easily to each other.

Luvr – you talk about rituals and there is one other that we have adopted that I want to share.    Early on my wife’s preferred night for seeing her boyfriends were on Thursdays.   For whatever reasons, that worked best.   When she first requested the 48 hour rule I was reluctant and usually after just 24 hours I was climbing the walls.   So, we long ago adopted something that has now become a ritual for us.   On Wednesday nights she will ask/encourage and sometimes accompany me as she watches and enjoys me masturbating.   Sometimes she’ll goad me into doing it twice as she knows that suppresses much of my sexual desires for a day or so.    In the past that made it easier for her to be with her lover on Thursday (or Friday) without her having to ‘worry’ about me.

Now, even while she’s between lovers, we continue our Wednesday ritual.  It has become a time when we can really talk openly about all matter sexual.   It’s during these times that she’s seen the obvious arousal I have when we talk about her asking me to resume using condoms with her once she’s found a new boyfriend amongst other things.   I find myself being very aroused at masturbating for her and I love the arousal it brings in her and she continues to openly admit that it turns her on watching me cum and “knowing it’s not in me”.    Most of the time she’ll tease me continually until I am frantic and then she’ll say things or set a scene in my mind that will just push me over the edge.   It’s become a very loving time for both of us as it’s a time when we feel very close together even if we aren’t sexual with each other.   Sometimes she’ll masturbate along with me other times she’ll tease and extoll to me that she is “waiting for my boyfriend”.    In most cases when I am through and have caught my breath, she will play with and collect my cum into a puddle on my stomach and will usually bring her fingers through it and let me lick them clean – many times she’ll kiss and snowball with me. 

I can say now, being a few years into this Wednesday ritual, that it is most definitely a time that brings us closer together and the feelings we share together offset some of the disconnect we feel at other times when she is more attentive to her lover than me.   Sorry for rambling but I thought it was a good time to add these thoughts and end with one last one – that it is so striking to me that I actually want her to find herself another boyfriend so that she will once again ‘want’ me to use condoms with her.