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Thanks for sharing this so openly. I’m sure many husbands resonate with what you’re describing. First off, your feelings are completely valid. That mix of aroused jealousy is part of what makes this lifestyle thrilling, but the shame and self-doubt can hit hard. A lot of it is indeed in your head, but that doesn’t make it any less painful.

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Regardless if she ever acts on it again I don’t feel like there is any going backwards. Just because she hasn’t had sex with another man in over a year and there is no plan to in the near future I am still a cuck to her. That seal was broken and can’t be fixed… or maybe that is mostly in my head, but I feel it.