Re: Contradictory feelings that I can’t understand …. Please advise me !!

Your experience sounds like a complete nightmare, and exactly what any cuckolding couple should avoid. The guy she was with was not a Bull in the true cuckolding sense either, but a jerk who tried to steal your wife. Any couple entering this lifestyle must be in a rock-solid marriage, where the bond between husband and wife is unbreakable – this doesn’t sound like you and your wife. I can totally understand you feeling anger towards this guy for what he tried to do, but I think it’s fine to think fondly of the fuckings he gave her, because as a man with cuck tendencies this is what you wanted to happen. Don’t beat yourself over this, not every man out there with cuck desires has a wife he knows has been fucked by another man, take satisfaction from knowing another man fucked her many times, in a way that gave her much enjoyment, but she is still with you.

My wife and I agreed at the outset that we’d only use strangers and keep ourselves anonymous, meeting in hotel rooms with other men. I’d always witness. Point is, we did this as a couple, and did not allow anyone to threaten our marriage. All contact with other men was through men by email/mobile. If you and your wife try this lifestyle again, then play safely – keep feelings out of it.