Re: In praise of Emily

Hi Nigel,

I think that Emily has already made the point that she is not the tutor here and that she represents her experiences and views. She is not (I think!) saying that all hot wives should be like this. She is offering her own frank view and yes that is just one position. I have certainly known other hot wives who are less into domination and humiliation than she is. But I have met some who are more dominant too. I’ve never seen this lady knotting James’ balls or kicking him down there which you hear about and which in this blog we rightly caution against. All sorts of injuries and hurt can follow.

Disgust is a strong word and here your case that it could represent sexism in reverse is well made. I think she does use it in the frustrated sense, but yes, I think that she has a elitist view about sex and people that interest her. She puts men in a mental league table. My guess is that men still do that with women today as well. They might not say it, but many think it. Both gender do this to some degree. Ask the girls about powder room conversations and men with ‘cute asses’. But I also think that this emphasis on judgement and humiliation is part of hers and James thing. It is certainly consensual that she disparages him. I’ve seen that and he has gone nowhere near using the safe word. She certainly has views on her ideal man and sexually that isn’t James. But to say that she is disgusted with something or someone is not to preclude love. They are not mutual exclusives. Disgust can be felt and then passed on from. It is not an absolute and an ever overwhelming state. To say that she is overwhelmingly and forever disgusted with James and then to work so closely with him in the exploration of needs would be contradictory. Notice that she discusses disgust during that early stage, when she realised all that James was and offered. I’m not a psycho analyst, not even a brilliant interviewer, but I speculate that temporarily she may have been disgusted with her own arousal and enjoyment that this would allow her to dominate him. I don’t know, but I do think that we sometimes discover some deep and surprising things about ourselves when we live differently. The psychologists talk about a Johari window (roughly remembered-been a while since university). One pane of that is how we already know ourselves. The second pane concerns how others know us (could be different!). The third pane is how the self is collectively portrayed beyond (think of politicians and pop stars and fame-the created self). But the last window refers to what we don’t understand about ourselves and what others don’t either. Its not something that has been co created between us and others. Its the scary bit that might come out if you ask enough questions, explore enough ideas.

This thread is glimpses that fourth window pane. But we should recognise too that this is what happens in life sometimes anyway. Through our relationships, the deep ones, we start to learn about unforeseen selves. It can be cathartic (emotion releasing), scary as hell too. Monsters though, psychopaths don’t tend to go down here. They lack such insights and would avoid the process of exploring them too. The world is like this-and every one should behave thus. I see enough exploration in Emily (and James) to suggest that they love one another and that they are willing to peep in that window pane. One thing I am learning is that I do believe that a communal form of cuckold lifestyle is possible although incredibly difficult to build and support. But I venture that it is important IF you believe that the lifestyle is more than a fetish. It is important IF you think any talk of breeding should be responsible and see a kid born into a supportive setting where people are open with each other. I never knew how I felt about this until what Emily, James and Mags have taught me.

I guess there are silent readers of this thread. I’ve no idea whether it helps others. Its good though when other members come back with thoughts of whatever kind. it seems to me that this is part of a good blog. We debate and learn through posts. This thread could be a soap opera, one that you just jog along to. I hope its more though and that it will promote more responses- yours including my friend.

Best wishes as ever. Jezz.