Re: My true story

Ok, here it goes, the good, bad and ugly.

After Heather’s one night hookup with (let’s call him Rob) we continued to pillow talk about that night off and on for the next year. During that time I started to explore my feelings about why I was so turned on by my wife sleeping with someone else. Even though I wasn’t there, I played that night in my head over and over. That’s when I stumbled upon the word “cuckold” and that there was a whole culture out there involving hotwives and bulls. I had no idea. I knew about the swinging lifestyle, but the stories, videos and pictures about cuckolding hit the exactly the right chord. I’ve tried to figure out why since our divorce two years ago. Even seeing a therapist for a few months.

Heather and I began dating our senior year in high school. Even though both of us were not virgins, we explored most of our sexuality together before graduation. After we graduated I decided that I wanted some space during the summer before college so we took a “break” as Ross from Friends would call it. I mostly partied with by bros but never hooked up with someone, however right before heading off to college I learned that Heather had given blowjobs to three other guys including someone we graduated with. I was devastated upon learning this and even though we weren’t “together” and it was my idea, it made me sick to my stomach thinking about her going down on these guys, especially the guy I knew. We spent almost all of our college years not dating but hooked up regularly. We eventually started dating again and moved in together after graduating college and got married at 24. My therapist said my cuckolding fetish could very well have developed as my mind needing to find a way to cope with jealousy, hurt and insecurity caused by those events with Heather and other guys. But is that really all there is to explain it?

Early on in our marriage I started to encourage Heather to flash her breasts when we were drunk at parties and liked the attention she got. And there were three instances were she hooked up with another woman while I watched. The night with Rob came when we were 27. So, catching back up to where I started. Over the next year I really explored the cuckolding fantasy in my alone time and also encouraged it in our pillow talk at night. Eventually it turned into a desire of me wanting Heather to have sex with black men and her humiliating me by telling me how much better they were size why and how good they felt. We also bought a CB-6000 and started role-playing chastity and orgasm denial. All of which was very hot for me. Heather always seemed happy to indulge, though at times she seemed annoyed at how often I wanted to partake in these fetishes. Then in the summer of 2009 I felt like I wanted to actually take the plunge and brought up the idea of her actually having sex with a black guy. Either in front of me or on camera so I could watch later. We discussed for several weeks all the pros and cons and eventually we agreed to move ahead and she created a profile on AFF to meet a potential guy.

To be continued…