Advice on getting started

Chad,
Your issues aren’t uncommon. The end result of both of you being submissive is the chaos you find yourselves in sexually. The good news is you have self-diagnosed the issue whereas many couples never do. Better still, you have found a likely path to correcting this void in your relationship (leadership), and are looking for ways to take those first steps.

Chief among those first steps has to be finding a way to engage in more direct conversations about this topic with her while playing up the fact that this is a result of your personalities and human evolution and not individual failings by either of you.

Getting into more specifics at this point won’t help you much because to get any traction, she at least needs a basic perspective on why/how your relationship would only be complete for both of you by including another male to provide at least a catalyst and ultimately, some leadership. How you get there is something you have to figure out since you’re the one who knows her. My suggestion is to treat it like an ‘everyone is doing this now’ idea and share my site and other reality based blogs with her to show her you two are not alone in this struggle or in how you propose to resolve it.

I’m going to suggest something I should have mentioned in the first post I made to you. You to can be doing a lot more to improve your current intimacy as well. Despite agreeing that you two could still benefit a lot from including another male, it’s always best if a couple have reliable, enjoyable forms of intimacy of their own. With regard to the failure of intercourse attempts, have you looked at the timing of those? Are you both forcing those events at times when one or both are tired? Are you taking enough time to allow arousal both mentally and physically? Have you pursued dialogue and role play which will increase her arousal?

With regard to her self-confidence: most women have some form of this and the best remedy is socializing them to discover for themselves that men do have interest in them. This can backfire if there are reasons for her to feel that way, like being very overweight. Some guys don’t care much about that, but a lot do.

Do you have an idea of what type of guys(s) she would respond most to? Can you get her to talk about it? Try getting her to quietly point out the men she finds appealing when you’re in public.

There is no one way to go about all this…much of it is trial and error until you find the right path for yourselves.

Hey Chad, saw your post here and just thought I’d chime in, and first of all thank Luvr for his great advice. I’ve been at this for about a year now and have gotten my wife to about the exact same place you and yours are at. When you mentioned she said “I don’t know what I am into, and I don’t really know how to figure it out” it really made me pause to respond as my wife has said basically the exact same thing to me recently. For what it’s worth, what I did is on turned on her at that point and told her that it’s ok, it’s great that you can admit that. Then I got her to agree to explore with me until she does figure out what will turn her on. Getting her to do the actual exploring now is a little more difficult as you said as she is also usually very stressed/tired from her work and the kids and everything, but when we have been intimate lately I have definitely noticed a transition in her. She is telling me what she wants a little more, and the things she wants are different then we have ever done before. And she has also been wearing more revealing clothes outside of the house, which has been a major plus. Anyways, just thought I’d say hey and let you know you’re not alone in your situation, and wish you the best of luck!

I think every situation is very different. Ann and I had been married eleven years and had two kids.
I was a closet crossdresser and when she found out the power and respect changed somewhat. She didn’t rush into the cuckolding scenario, but eventually took a male friend to confide in. He turned out to be professional, and well mannered with an assertive disposition towards me, which was probably the correct recipe for him to make advances to my pretty wife.

Hi guys, I have told my wife I want to be a cuckold. She keeps telling me that I am enough for her, it would feel like cheating and that it makes her feel like she is not enough for me. How can I convince her that she is the only one for me and I want her to enjoy as much sexually as she wants or needs. Any advice would be greatly appreciated

@Newbie hit me up on Kik – johnyboy-13 …

I have experience helping new couples.

@airman-bull. I sent you a chat on Kik. Mine is newbies7985. Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

What I would say as an encouragement is that what you’re describing is common but things can and often do change.

When I first raised the idea with my wife her reaction was wonder if it was just a way for me to have other women followed by just rejecting the idea since we’re married and she only wants me. You have to appreciate that she’s had a lifetime of teaching that women simply don’t have more than one man, certainly not if in a meaningful relationship. The very idea is alien. She will of course be attracted to other men and will have deep fantasies but that’s what she’s been programmed to keep them as.

What I found worked was a gradual path. Start by reassuring her that she’s all you want but its a deep fantasy you’ve kept locked away but you want to share that fantasy openly with her because you love her and don’t want secrets. She will feel special and love that you are able to be honest and open with her about something clearly so difficult to talk about. Ask if a treat you might role play ideas and then when she is relaxed with that start to introduce names to make it more real. When you are talking together in bed about other men make sure the sex is hotter and better, you want her to see and associate your passion and excitement with the thought of other men.

Then perhaps talk to a good bull on Kik or something and when your wife asks you who you are talking to just say its a bull you know, a nice guy you are able to talk to. Allow her to then read your chat so she sees first hand that you are genuine, you really do find the idea of her with other men exciting and she will also enjoy reading comments from another man about her with your approval. That’s how I got things going and then I suggested a Kik group with him so we could have some chat fun and within days she was 1 on 1 chatting with him. A good bull will quickly have her excited and doing topless pics and taking some instruction and then its just progression from there. A social dinner or drinks is a short step and then that hotel another short step.

The keys include honest and frequent conversation, making it about her fantasy and needs, encouragement and showing her how good it makes you feel and just take small steps and remembering to enjoy the journey, not just the destination. My wife was VERY anti the idea initially but you’d be surprised how they change once they are sure that you have no other motive and once they actually start to talk to a bull.

though that may well work with a decent percentage of women its not a full had to play. some will think if you want her with another guy then you cannot possibly love her and she wants one man alone.
those women are the ones that will cause relationship problems if we push in that direction. here a more gentle approach is needed to ‘test the ground’.
if we start with conversation on subject as say a subject you found online and have been looking at..what do you make of it ? etc
we can dip toe into subject but not let on we want to get into scene.
only the hubby will be aware is she’s indifferent . interested or very anti or even shocked. that said its also easily possible for almost any female to be seduced by right man. all females for example find alpha males attractive in away.women love an absurd confident and decent looking guy. if they were a uniform or are famous or rich .that signifies power . powerful men are very very stimulating for women .if they show them attention ..especially if hubby has bene taking them for granted. the sudden interest by a man can just be the spark that unites that sexual hidden drive.
never easy for most but given right circumstances e.g. mixing with men .women can almost always be not only tempted but seduced. women also have emotion aspect and do form bonds in most cases with any guy they have intimate relations with. hubbies can get sidelined etc . there are always risks when we involve anybody in a females emotions etc as well as health and family etc where we seek discretion. however for those men whom desire cuckolding it can be a huge turn on and magnetic draw. not all go past fantasy stage. good luck to those that venture . rewards often go to the brave. if we can get a wife to chat to others ( men) online we have potential for further events . if we cant even get wife to chat ..we may be batting a lost cause. never give up hope . slowly slowly catchee monkey as they say.