Breaking a cuck

I think I at least need hand jobs, being totally cut off from intimacy isn’t fun even if she’s happy and satisfied.

While I understand this feeling that a “handjob” should be the least you get, I totally resent the entitlement that you deserve one just for being married. You have to earn sexual contact. Every situation is unique, but for me at first I was giving him pity handjobs, because I felt guilty denying him sex, but that made both of us feel dirty after… he knew it wasa chore for me and I resented his demand so he took over and I would tell him details or dirty talk for him. But after a while I felt used. I’m just here to serve your needs? I would love to have sex, but he can’t do that. We try and even as I try to enjoy it he would give up knowing it wasn’t working so I feel like I tried and gave in the first 16 years of our marriage. I tolerated and accepted mediocre sex and not having an orgasm from sex and was fine with it. Then HE introduced a large toy and woke me up to what I was missing, but a toy is not the same as intimacy and the more it stretched me out the more I craved that feeling and the less he felt inside me. So he stopped having sex with me because he saw how much I preferred the full feeling. That was HIS choice. Then he suggested I have sex with my ex and I did and it was amazing and hubby and I have not had sex since because HE can’t stay hard anymore due to feeling inadequate… so we stopped. Now he wants handjobs and dirty talk, but after a while I stopped seeing him sexually at all and more like a best friend so being naked with him started to feel awkward. I feel no desire as I watch him stroke his little thing and I resent him begging me for details about what sex is like with a real man. I love him, but the more I did that the more pathetic in a negative way it became for me. I would rather just share as it feels natural, share our lives and forget about sex for him entirely. That’s just me though. Everyone is different. A year ago I didn’t feel this way.

After my wife moved in with her lover and his wife, I sent her a copy of this string.
Before this, her intentions were to leave me permanently. But after reading this and having a brief conversation, she told me that she needed the weekend to discuss this with her lover. She sounded possibly optimistic, I think,after I admitted that I had been selfish in badgering her into some form of sexual contact with her. Something she has said she isn’t interested in.
Maybe I’m just overthinking this. But, it seems like it could be a ray of hope.

As a fully “broken” cuck, I think I can say that it has its own rewards. But I’m also aware that what makes this lifestyle difficult (like any other kink/fetish – and sorry to put it in that bracket but it’s definitely related) is it’s so easy to think it’s going to be one thing and that’s all you want. Only to find that others want another thing that might be related to the thing you want but it’s not quite. So, for me, it’s got to be about the relationships, love, attraction, and mutual satisfaction. I happen to be a fully denied cuck and my wife and some of her bulls have found ways to satisfy my sexual needs that suit them. But not every bull is into what I’m into and so that’s when it becomes my wife’s choice whether she wants him on his terms or not.

Am I rambling?

Fuzz I don’t really do the chat room thing. But since Lola has taken up with her latest guy I feel completely pushed out of our relationship with each other. I get to hear very little of what goes on and I never see them together.

I used to get her ready for dates and even that has stopped.