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s.i.c.
My wife had in the past, said that she would like to have sex with other men, but I was too insecure about myself and was sure that she would leave me for a better man. She had said that she would like to have sex with two, or maybe even three guys with me or in front of me, and did I think I could handle that. I just said yeah, and let the subject drop. She had also said one time when watching some talk show on the subject of swinging, that if hypothetically if we did that, she would be able to fuck others but I would have to remain faithful, and she knew it wasn't fair, but she didn't think she could get past the jealous feelings. She also had said several times, that she would have had a three way with me and a friend of hers from college (that I know is well hung, as I saw his magnum condoms once), but she was sure that the two of us would start going at it and she wouldn't get any action.She also had said if we ever did that I would have to promise to make sure she was satisfied before him and I did anything. I have never been with a guy, so I'm not sure if she wants to see that, or if she thinks that's what I want. I never really knew how to respond, so I would just agree and chuckle. One of the last times she said anything was when we were having sex and she whispered to me, I want you to watch me fucking someone else. I responded with gentle, What?, hoping she would repeat it or say more, but I think she took what I said the wrong way and said, oh nothing, just sex talk (and she never says anything or makes much noise) and that was the last it was brought up, about 8 years ago.
Is it too late? Is it likely she still has these desires, or are they fantasies of her younger days that she has outgrown? How can I reintroduce the subject, without her thinking that it is really I that wants sex with another?
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mjsocal
It is not too late. I believe these desires come from deep within her and you ignore them at your peril. Take pleasure in her pleasure and let it lead you where ever it does. Tell her you have been thinking about what she told you and that you are ready. It will bring you much closer together.
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Luvr
I agree with mjsocal – the desire is still there and based on her expression of it, it's very powerful for her.
The fact that she was able to share this with you, so openly, speaks volumes about how she cares for and values you.
If you haven't yet done so, you could bring her here to read the introduction articles starting on the front page and start a conversation about whether this is what she needs. It's a big step, but one that's probably overdue.
Don't forget to stop by and chat together or individually – I coach couples on getting started nearly every day.
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s.i.c.
Thank you Luvr and mjsocal, I guess I needed to hear from others to validate what I believe is the case. I also know it is overdue, but it has been so long since it was brought up, and due to the sexual frustration that she feels due to lack of quantity and most importantly the quality of sex between us. I'mnot sure how to bring it up with out her thinking I have other motives. I most definitely will be seeking your advice on how to move forward, but I don't think I can bring her to the site yet, as it would “scare” her off, and I think I would have to wait until we had had more then one conversation about it, and she was a least thinking about really going ahead with it. Your correct, in that I really do belive she loves me, but our sex life that was never really great for her, and after having our child, and not being able to even feel me anymore, I don't think it is fair to her that she should have to be unfulfilled because I am not able to do the job.
Luvr, with your help, I hope to get there soon.
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s.i.c.
mjsocal
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