Home › discussion › Role Discussions › Dominants › New DOM with couple…seeking advice

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    • November 27, 2019 at 10:02 PM #30458
      shadowline

        Greetings all. New to the forum but well versed in the lifestyle for some-time. I’m seeking advice from couples and particularly Doms….i apologize for the long post in advance.

        I’m a 45 yo Dom here in Raleigh NC. Over the course of the past year i have gotten to know a very sexy wife (27 yo f) who made it clear she was interested in hooking up with her husbands knowledge. As it turns out hubby (32 yo M) has a fantasy of her being a hot wife. Through conversations i learned he enjoys pics, vids, topics such as ruined orgasm as well as edging. He has bought her a large black dildo as well. She has enjoyed dominating him in the bedroom such as tying him up and “making him wait” for his orgasm.
        All signs point towards him wanting to be cuckolded but the word has not been said and that kink not discussed between them.

        Instead it seems the husband has a lot of fantasies, wife being picked up at the bar by a stranger, taking her dancing and “watching her”. Wife being a paid “escort” for the evening. As I got to know the situation i pressed forward and have helped guide her in ways to talk to him and tease him and as luck would have it on her birthday last month wife came over with permission from hubs to hook up as long as their were photos. We were time pressed but it was scorching hot, though we elected not to have sex, rather wait for a more planned, less rushed evening. When she got home he seemed to like “taking her” and enjoyed the pics.

        A couple weeks went by and it seemed a hook-up may not happen again. However, she brought the idea up and we arranged an actual “date” for a Saturday night. She picked out lingerie, a dress, heels. She sent me pics to make sure i “approved”. I got a hotel as well as made dinner and drink reservations for a night on the town. I made sure she was texting hubby all day/night with teasing and flirting.

        I picked her up at her apartment…and was inside, hubby was away for a few hours. We drove to dinner and had an amazing “date” Acting like we were a couple….she was wearing her wedding ring. We had a nice dinner and then went to the hotel. He had sent along a Go-Pro camera for video proof. This time we had sex and it was electric…for hours.

        Upon dropping her off, i learned the next day he pounced on her and fucked her hard. harder than ever before. She mentioned it was quite aggressive and she didn’t enjoy it.
        in the days after he shut down, and didn’t talk about it with her and they were not intimate for about 2 weeks. He mentioned he didn’t want her to do it again with me, but that would prefer another guy. (why this is i do not know as she made it clear she is comfortable with me and doesn’t want to look for another). It’s been a couple weeks and while i talk to her about everyday stuff and some sexual stuff there’s been no mention about hooking up again.

        As this is a perfect situation for me and the parties involved i’d love some insight. not sure how to keep going. I feel like the couple needs to talk more, however he is a lousy communicator. She and I both know he LOVES this and maybe just can’t come out and admit it. I’m pretty lost on how to press forward at this point.

        Any advice/insight is appreciated and i’d happy to give more details if needed.

        SL

      • November 28, 2019 at 11:25 PM #30467
        Say_Oy

          From what I have read here and elsewhere this is not an entirely new reaction from a new cuck. He is going through an emotional roller-coaster, ashamed of himself, turned on, thinking his wife is a slut yet proud of her… lots of internal conflict. Also, he obviously is competing and
          To try to bring her back now is going to require work and her cooperation. If she is willing to support you in this, you can try to arrange to meet him, show him you respect him, are not trying to break up his marriage, feel him out on how he feels about his wife after she gets fucked by someone and get him to like you instead of being threatened by your prowess in bed.
          She would need to support you in making it clear to him that she is not interested in dating “many” men but wants a FWB or BF. Without her support and insistence be prepared to lose her, at least for a while. She might return but you can’t count on it.
          One thing to ask her to find out is whether he sees her as a hotwife or as a whore. A hotwife gets to choose who she is a slut with for her pleasure while a whore is cum dump used by anyone to satisfy hubby’s kink. A whore gets no real respect and could easily be discarded if not useful or if there is drama.
          His 2 week funk indicates that he does not really know what he is doing as far as the relationship, has little emotional control and might view her as an unclean whore. When satiated he avoids her until his lust drives him back. Bad omen for the marriage. Talking to a shrink might be a good for both. She needs to understand how he views her and decide if that is what she wants.
          Finally, if she accepts being a whore for his benefit she needs to learn about safe sex and STD screening her partners.

        • December 1, 2019 at 7:47 PM #30571
          Lancelot

            You may have to simply chalk this up as a one-time encounter and then look for another couple who are genuinely eager to meet you. I wish you luck in future endeavors.

          • December 2, 2019 at 3:11 PM #30577
            shadowline

              thanks for the insightful replies. Say_Oy has some good points. She’s very supportive and insists on me as a viable partner rather than “sleeping around.”
              I learned today that they were finally intimate (its been 3 weeks) and plan to be the next 2 days as they are both off work and have no commitments. He still has not spoken or opened up about how he felt or asked for any details of the night, rather views the media (pics,vids) we took. This tells me he still likes it and the idea of her hotwifing.

              I’ve encouraged her to try to probe a bit, tease, flirt and bring the topic up again to see where his head is at, how he sees her etc. This situation could have a lot of long term potential provided he gets on board.

              Any others tips from Bulls/couples is appreciated. this is a younger couple in their 20’s so the approach may be different.
              SL

            • December 10, 2019 at 7:54 AM #30687
              Denied

                My wife is not a ‘hot wife’ or a ‘whore’. She has been seeing the same guy with my knowledge and approval for about six months and is satisfied with that. Our own sex life has not been perfect but I don’t have a very strong sex drive. I am very much second best.
                I have thought that I’d like her to explore with others but she isn’t interested. They are very much a ‘normal’ couple and that makes me feel uncomfortable. She used to talk to me about their dates but she doesn’t now and I do feel excluded. I am sure if she met other men as well it would become exciting for me again as she would want to talk about it.

                • December 10, 2019 at 10:45 PM #30695
                  Say_Oy

                    I don’t have a good feeling about that. You need to tell her what you told us but leave YOUR desire she see other men. Focus on her sharing with you the excitement and pleasure she feels so you can enjoy it too. Communication is key to keeping the marriage going.

                    • December 17, 2019 at 5:52 PM #30805
                      Denied

                        I have tried to talk with her about sharing information but she isn’t interested. She is fine with what she has got and I have to accept that.

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