New to forum, advice needed on confusing cuckold situation

[curiouslycuckold]

Hi all,

 

I am new to the forum and quite new to cuckoldry as well. Would appreciate some insights/advice from people wiser than myself.

 

I will try and keep this brief regarding my situation (famous last words).

 

I have been with my girlfriend for 7 years. I only realised I was interested in cuckoldry about 2 years into our relationship. I shared this with her and while she was never enthusiastic about it in reality she was happy to entertain fantasy. We would play games, text about what she was up to when I wasnt around. I took to encouraging her to flirt with a work mate. She never stated she did but we brought him into our fantasy world. They became close friends and I continued to encourage her development. It came a point where that all stopped due to her stating she felt uncomfortable as he was now a close friend. I would make the odd comment but would never seriously include him anymore. We continued with some role play and experimenting in other areas of our sex life but cuckoldry was never far away and I would bring it up reguarly.

At times she would become unhappy with my mentioning it and state its all I ever talk about involving other people in our sex life. So at times I would intentionally put it on the back burner until I felt I could raise it again. All this took place over years 3-5

 

Fast forward several years, we are now living together and she no longer works with him. Several times over the following years I was never sure exactly what had happened if at all. Im sure you can all see where this is going so will skip over the details.

 

Find out in the last few weeks they had a pseudo relationship of sorts spread over several years with large gaps in between. My understanding there was no sex involved, just kissing and lots of conversations. The pseudo relationship took the form of lots of dates and contact. We have discussed this since I was able to confirm events and I have shouldered large amounts of the blame due to my encouraging her. I have made it clear that what happened wasnt what I have a problem with it comes down to trust. I have asked her to resume this relationship with my consent and knowledge so we can use it for what it was originally intended. As I know there is already a foundation there I felt its more likely that she would be willing and its safer than finding people we dont know.This she has refused and now cut all contact with him.

 

Sorry for rant, I am asking for some feed back on.

 

Is this a lead into cuckoldry or just cheating on her part?

 

Am I right to assume that if I want to persue cuckoldry with my partner that I should include this man?

 

Hope you havent fallen asleep and if you’ve got this far thank you for reading.

 

Curiouslycuckold

[uxorious]

Hi curiously. Welcome, and thanks for sharing your story.

 

It’s hard to get an accurate picture of all of the intricate complexities of your relationship with your girlfriend from just one forum post, so please forgive me if I make any assumptions that are off the mark. 

 

It seems to me that your wife was willing to indulge your cuckolding fantasies as part of your sex life as a fantasy, or dirty talk to spice things up. It doesn’t sound like she wanted other men to be part of your relationship, or at least she didn’t at that time. Her relationship with this guy seems to be somewhat of a separate issue, and from the way you describe it sounds more like cheating to me. It’s impossible to determine if your encouragement had anything to do with her developing a relationship with this guy, but the fact that she didn’t tell you about it makes me think your encouragement didn’t play into her decision making. Her cutting of contact with this guy seems to support this.

 

This is more of a personal opinion than established fact, but I believe that cheating is a symptom of some sort of problem in the relationship. The “cheater” has some sort of need that isn’t being met, or is unhappy for some reason. The act of cheating is an attempt to meet that need.

 

That being said, I think you need to have a long talk with her about what led her to develop this relationship with the guy from work. My advice would be to figure that out first, talk about it with her with no mention of cuckolding. See if you can get her to open up about it as well as why she kept it from you. 

 

Once you’ve gotten that taken care of (and this could take a long time, on the scale of months or longer), then start talking about cuckolding again. With the assumption that she was essentially cheating on you with this guy, I would leave him out of any fantasies or role play. You don’t want to entangle the problems of the past with the fantasy of the future. By that I mean that hypothetically if the two of you were to pursue cuckolding and involve this guy, it could easily trigger the same problems from the past that you just spent so much time working through and solving. 

 

This turned out to be much longer than I expected, and again it’s just my two cents. There are a lot of great folks on this site that I’m sure will offer some insight as well. Good luck to you!

[CompletelyHers]

Hello to you “curiously”,

 

It seems that Uxorious did a fine job “taking a stab”at your situation and I have very little to ad.  Under the circumstances I would say that while cheating and cuckolding do have some similarities, the major issue here is really trust and understanding.  As in you trust your partner and both of you have clear understanding of where your boundaries are if you wanted her to cuckold you.I can only assume that while you told her what your interests are, that you also made it known that decisions were to be made by the both of you in advance of any activity?  Or did you give her free reign to make those decisions for you in the process of her experimenting with what she wanted? To be truly cuckolded would mean that she took the reigns and did things her way without your need for approval either way.  What is it that you are ideally after with her exactly? Is it that you would like to have her sleep with another man but only once the two of you have agreed?  That would kind of take the point of being cuckolded  the wrong way…

 

The point here ultimately is that you must decide for yourself what cheating is and what form of cuckolding you are truly wishing to experience.  Trust is a key element in deciding whether the relationship can handle this lifestyle, and if you feel she violated yours, then the two of you have a lot to talk about before you can even think about this again.

 

An interesting aside, if you honestly believe that a “pseudo-relationship”with dates spanning a few years only culminated in a bit of kissing, you may be a bit too naive. This is just my two cents, but to each their own my friend..

[Luvr]

I would add that it seems she never really understood/appreciated what cuckolding is and was simply humoring you instead of participating with you in the fantasy; this is why she had limited patience for it

I would also say that her relationship with him, while allegedly non-sexual (not sure I buy that), was part of a desire to re-examine her relationship with you. You (and your relationship) won out in the end, but she apparently had significant doubt at the time.

While this isn’t exactly a start into cuckolding, it CAN be a start into communicating properly and demonstrate why such open communication is vital for every couple, but especially for a cuckold couple. I would also suggest you take additional effort to help her gain the proper perspective to appreciate cuckolding rather than simply put up with your interest.

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