Once a cuckold, always a cuckold?

     Hello everyone. i have never posted here before but now feel that i must. my ex-wife first started cuckolding me and then feminizing me. She fucked only Black Men. i loved watching them fuck her. i was taught my place was to serve her and her lovers in anyway they wanted. The only sex i was allowed was if one of her Bulls wanted to use me…and most of them did. i would fluff her lovers as they made out, lick their ass if she was sucking their Black cocks, i was always clean up boi for both of them (she only took her Black lovers bareback) and she loved to watch them fuck my boi pussy. i became a complete sissy boi for Black Cock and am totally submissive to any and all Superior Black Men. Even after she left me for one of her Bulls, i continued my feminization. i wear only panties all the time and dress as a sissy slut whenever i can.

     Now i am with a new girl…she knows about me being cuckolded and that i am a sissy. She has seen me dressed on many occasions and has even fucked me with her strap-on quite a few times. She tells me that she loves me and would never cuckold me and has no interest in Black Men…but i can’t get the visions of Black Cock out of my head…i so want to see a Black Man fuck her…cum in her…for him to put me in my place as the sissy beta that i am. i yearn for her to humiliate me and continue my feminization. 

     So i guess my question is once you have been a cuckold, does this feeling, this NEED, ever go away? i love her and i want to please her…but this feeling inside of me keeps growing and growing. my need to serve Black Men is absolute…what do i do?