How to Bring out the Sex Drive

This is a tough question…it's hard for anyone to say without having detailed knowledge of you, your wife, and your relationship. But it seems like a back to basics approach might be productive. Maybe try a casual conversation about sex and fantasies, or ask her what she thinks about when she masturbates. In my experience it's all about making sure she is relaxed and comfortable before you start the conversation.

Hope that helps!

Dear Big Fella.

Love and encouragement.  She needs to know that you are on the same team with her.  You both have the same goals and ultimately, the same sexual desires of satisfaction.  Remember… a woman is like a ‘crock pot’… allow her to simmer with all of the right thoughts and desirable input form you… and we (men) are like a blow torch… ready to act out our ultimate desires right now!  Feed her smoldering fire and it will yeild positive results for both of you!  She will experience mind-blowing, pussy-filling sex and you will experience the satisfaction of seeing that your wife has been sexually satisfied.  Simple.  Show her love.  Lead her gently.  She wants something, but you have to show her that what she wants is ‘okay’ with you and your relationship.  And… she needs the security of knowing that your relationship is stable.  Good luck and happy sexual hunting!

Great reply and advice.  If you don’t mind I will use your advice also. It is what I have been doing, but sometimes we get the cart before the horse and need to step back and go more slowly and lovingly, like you said.

I’ve been married for over 20 years.  My wife is a real knockout 42DD blonde.  Curvy and taller than me with her ‘fuck-me’ heels on.  Occasionally (of course!) we’ll have a fight about something stupid.  We usually make up pretty quick, butwe both can be pretty firey!  So, I know that she DOES have an ‘in-charge’ side to her personality.  And, she seems to have grown more sexually oriented over the years (as most women do) and I have begun to experience the loss of testosterone (as well as its side effects…) that most men experience in their forties and beyond.  So… to make a long story short… I had this great idea… in order to ‘plant a seed of horniness in her brain’, I told her that if she really wanted a great, long and hard fuck, that she could CONTROL the time and date by literally TAKING CONTROL over my cock (or HER cock, as I told her…) with a ‘little blue pill’!  Bingo!  I didn’t NEED the pill, but it put her in charge of our (HER!) sex life.  I put her in charge of my cock, and her pleasure.  So, now she could plan to be in control of the sexual pleasure in her life.

No chastity device needed!  She was in control of my sexual release and excitement.  Which in turn… became HER excitement.  It didn’t hit her at first, but when she started to think about it, and she realized how in control she was in planning for HER night of sexual pleasure, she REALLY got horny!!  She’d think about it for days.  And she’d tell me when she was planning for HER fuck night!  Our lovemaking events had just become HER planned sexual release events.  Not mine, HERS.  She was in control.

So, it worked.  I got her into the mindset of controlling my orgasms.  And if we had a little argument, and she wanted to express who was in charge, she could delay my release a few more days.  She was becoming (unknowingly to her) my DOMINANT Mistress. 

So all the years of having sex with my wife and enjoying my sexual release, and her occassionally NOT experiencing sexual release (just ask any woman and they’ll tell you… they don’t always have an orgasm during sex), was now completely reversed.  She would be able to pursue, plan and control her own sexual pleasure and I would be ‘used’ be her, albeit lovingly, towards that end.

So, now she has begun to take control… and I LOVE IT.  This is what I wanted after all, right?  To be controlled and ‘used’ as an instrument of HER pleasure. 

Now the next step is a tougher one… to convince her that she needs to, actually DESERVES to, experience even MORE sexual satisfaction in her lifetime and, that I lovingly would encourage her to pursue it as a mutual venture.  That is, the two of us, with myself lovingly encouraging her, to cuckold me and take steps to bring another real satisfying lover into our married life.  Someone that we would mutually pursue with my blessing and heartfelt encouragement.  All of the time, letting her know that the greater sexual pleasures that I want her to experience would also, reciprically, be felt by the excitement that I would feel knowing that my wife is truly being satisfied by a superior lover.  Now THAT is gonna take some time…

And we’ve talked about it.  After a few martinis and discussing our sexual fantasies (with my encouragement, of course…)as well as bringing up the ‘huge cock that just couldn’t be real’ that she experienced in her early college years (She said she held this monster cock in her hand and it would take over three of her gripped hands to cover it!  And it still makes her really horny to talk about that experience…), I got my wife to whisper in my ear, “I want a big black cock!” three times with real conviction and a sly smile!  So, I know that she definitely has some repressed big cock fantasies.  And, I’ve told her, that when the time is right, I really want her to feel what it really feels like to have a huge, satisfying throbbing cock deeply thrusting into her while she holds on for dear life, shrieking in complete ecstasy!  And that nothing else ‘short of this’ (haha!) could make me happier for her!

So, we will see.

Bigfella, I don’t quite see how it is a set back when she masturbates herself? Can you explain? 

Based on some of my own experiences, if she doesn’t share her fantasies, then that suggests that she doesn’t quite trust you with them for some reason. It could be that you tend to ‘always’ respond with the ever returning cuckolding fantasy, something she may enjoy, but that she may also be afraid will take a life of its own. She may think that if she lets you know that she gets off the fantasy as well, that you will have a friend waiting for her just outside the door. Pushing too hard can be seriously counterproductive. If restraint is what the cuckold has to deal with when his wife is away getting laid, then such restraint is also necessary in the early stages. I’m not sure if this makes sense to you. 

One of own frustrations in the early stages was that my girlfriend would often come along with me in the fantasies, and then after an hour or so kill it all off by soberly saying that it may never happen for real. To suppress visible disappointment then was so damn hard. 

Agree with both the slowly does it approach and with her masturbation being not a problem but a golden opportunity. Encourage this (gently), buy her sex toys she likes the look of. Its all about fuelling her drive, stepping back and giving her the space to develop her desires. The more she masturbates the more opportunities she has to fantasize about other men.

For me the whole aim is for her to seek sex outside our marriage so I don’t want to be satisfying her within it, but neither do I want her to shut down through frustration. Masturbation and fantasy coupled with lots of love and reassurance opened my wife to taking her lover. Her masturbation is your friend.