Re: Is there something I am not getting

It’s great to have three of us chatting-thanks for responding.

In my other thread (In praise of Emily) i have an interview with James, the cuck husband in her life. I don’t have a similar in depth origin of needs interview with Emily and I need to rectify that. She is pretty busy right now. But I do hope that this points out some things about the origin of cuckold status for a male. Its my belief (and James would disagree-he thinks its solely about learned behaviour) that some males are instinctively beta and ready to be cuckolded. Its also my belief that some woman are instinctively alpha and ready to become a hot wife/dominant partner. But on top of that come the nurture things- the learning to submit or to dominate and the finding that this is a workable, even an enjoyable and needful way to live together. Learning might take place over a long time and must counter social conditioning. In James’ case it was during adolescence, and perhaps that is an especially formative time. But he seems to have watched the mating game which is raw right then and realised that he could’t compete. Raw, ugly as it may seem, he was better suited to be a follower, an also ran. There is always a role for those who support, who worship, those who admire and assist. Just whether a cuck guy feels ‘fucked up’ by this depends profoundly on whether he has been helped to reflect on the matter. If he has had no help, if he has reflected alone, then there is a real chance that he could be undermined, even damaged psychologically. But where he has found help (and i think this blog does help), then there is a chance of making a happy and a fulfilling adjustment. He understands, needs and sometimes enjoys the angst. He is to some degree masochistic. Help is so important because what he is learning about is to live differently, out of the statistical social norm. The fact that we live in a multicultural, multi sexual lifestyle world helps a good bit. But it isn’t easy. Men have been socialised to be assertive and women (too often) to be submissive. It is equally hard for the cuck male to be submissive and for the woman to be dominant. Both are challenging sexual stereotypes.

I agree with betaloser that no society can create or sustain a race of super heroes, all alpha personalities (forget all those movies above superhuman abilities). It would be violent, aggressive and unsustainable. Societies need the laid back as well as the go getters. It needs dominant and submissive people. There is a physiological and a psychological way of keeping that in balance. Males vary in their quota of testosterone. Higher levels of testosterone are associated with A type, competitive and alpha personalities. Lower levels of testosterone may be associated with beta types. Believe it or not we have some ‘female’ hormones inside us and the ladies have some male hormones inside them. A balance is struck and so it is possible to have a feisty, dominant women, based in part on hormones, but of course too on education, ability and learning during their life. Some women are taught to be dominant-it is part of the culture they grow up in. If the males around them don’t measure up, they dominate them. Testosterone levels can deteriorate with age, so it is sometimes the case that a male becomes less dominant as he gets older. He is less competitive. If he is married to a younger woman, especially if she leans towards the dominant end of the spectrum, then cuckoldom might ensue. All sorts of things help shape relationships, the balance of power, but the above are some of them. My point is really that to be a cuckold male is to be normal. It is one working out of the lifestyle conundrum, and confusing as it may have been at some stage, it is a viable way to live.

A number of situations can now result. If you are lucky the submissive male finds and marries the dominant female. Both spend some time realising this happy match. They find that their needs are complementary. Betaloser is in that happy situation. Yes it isn’t without its tensions, but it is a working and so often an exciting way to live. Emily and James are in that place too, though it will take a long time to work out what is just right, especially given the involvement of others. But there are many other cuck inclined males, those who have or are confronting their submissive natures who have not found the ideal dominant woman. They may be married to a woman who isn’t like that, or else who hasn’t permitted herself to explore such instincts. It is not nice, not ladylike to dominate, to humiliate a man- even if he screams out that he needs it. So he lives the life of the cuck in waiting. It is a tough life and I guess that at least some blog readers are in this situation. There are though even for these good folk some pleasures. They can, providing they pace things, worship the woman in their life and make it easier for he to cuck him if she choses to later. He typically dotes on her, buys her nice clothes, encourages her to go out with friends, perhaps to take holidays with other girls, as well as wining, dining and holidaying with her himself. In short he signals- you have never been locked in my pocket. You are independent and I adore that. Your choices rule. At best he subtly defers to her choices. Her choice of home, her decor, her choice of car and friendships for them as a couple. Little by little she realises that she wears the pants.

There is a risk for that guy though. The dominant woman, who does not wish to control a man, who believes that it is her role to submit to a proper man, might simply bin her husband. Its my view that this is what Elise did to James. You can’t discount that risk. But to avoid living as a cuck in waiting is (in my view) to deny your identity and to live a pretence. Its akin to what gay folk had to ensure in the past. We can’t guarantee to be happy ever after. We can guarantee to try and live honestly and supportively of others. But this requires insight. That is why this blog is valuable. it is why I post. I like others am a mix of intellect (probably suspect!) and emotions. They mix together. That is what human beings are like. But when they mix together for beta males don’t let that signify that they are useless, worthless or less than important in relationships. Without them a cuckoldress could not explore her nature. The bull could not express his.

It is my view that lots of couples have lived meaningful lives, where the woman is dominant. Some very famous men, powerful in other areas of life have been submissive to their wives. Women have learned to rule men covertly. Other couples have lived bohemian lives where it is accepted that this very able woman will occasionally fuck other men. They might not discuss it a lot, it is just done. The conservatives fear such chaos. But they may be fascinated too.

Last message then-life is wondrously diverse. Don’t be ashamed. Care about those you love but be yourself as well.