Defining Success

A group in Vegas asked me to share my perspective on alternative relationships. The couples, in their 20s to their 70s, were interested in various aspects of consensual non-monogamy, especially cuckolding, and wanted to know how I defined a successful alternative relationship.

After a moment’s thought, I said, “People look up to and praise a man who has casual sex with multiple women, but they often look down on a man who allows and encourages his wife to have sex with various men, especially if he watches and encourages her to do so. 

The question is, does a man having good looks or a larger-than-average penis mean he is more of a man than other men? I believe that when it comes to looks, we must remember that many women ask, “How come all the good-looking guys are always gay?”

A larger-than-average cock just means a man has a larger cock, not that he knows how to use it. Whether a man is good-looking or ugly, small or large-cocked, most guys can get an erection. Most anyone can fuck, but it is the rare man who can attract a woman, set her free, and have her return.

 Sure. Some men have women returning to them for sex, even some women in committed relationships, but how long does sex last? For some men, sex lasts mere minutes. For other men, sex can last for hours, but when the sex is over, then what?

When a wife has sex with another man, she does one of two things. She cheats on her husband or does so with her husband’s consent and encouragement. The former is often a betrayal of trust, whereas the latter is a byproduct of the trust a couple has built. 

For a man to get a woman to have sex with him takes nothing more than having money, good looks, a larger-than-average penis, or a combination of the three. But for a woman to want to spend the rest of her life with a man, he must offer her more than just great sex. 

The men that women want to spend the rest of their lives with are men who know they are awesome without being better than anyone else. They have a high inner value. Many men have confidence, but it is often because of what they can do rather than who they are. 

A man who isn’t afraid to be himself is more attractive than a man who is cocky, and a man who sees value in himself will be more attractive than a man who believes he has to prove his worth.

If a wife can have sex with men who are often more attractive and better in bed than their husband, but she returns to him, loving him more each time, then who is the man who means the most to her?

A woman can enjoy a man with whom she has incredible sex, but a man who makes her feel safe and secure in her relationship can make her fall in love with him.

When a wife knows that she can trust her man and he trusts her, there are few fears. And when a couple communicates well and frequently, the remaining concerns tend to dissipate.

Trust is hard to build and easy to destroy. When you have a level of trust that your wife feels intrinsically, and she knows who you are and that you love her, she can be who she desires to be without feeling judged or insecure. 

A relationship in which a wife can have sex with other men with her husband’s consent and encouragement is rare and envied. And a man who allows his wife to have sex with other men is a man among men because he knows who he is, and is happy with who he is. 

A man may enjoy seeing his wife having sex with other men, but the fact that he likes to watch doesn’t make him a lesser man. He is a man whose emotions are not controlled by the actions of others. He’s a man who knows how to attract a woman and how to keep her. And he is a man who knows what he wants and how to get it. 

Society may try to shame a man who enjoys seeing his wife having sex with other men. Still, these same men have built trust in their marriages, communicated their fears and desires confidently, and married women who love them enough to fulfill their deepest desires. That sounds like success to me.”