The concept of the Hotwife within a cuckold marriage is straightforward. The husband wants more than anything to be cuckolded by his Hotwife. Its a wonderful concept. Husbands love to see their wives being fucked by other men. It’s live porn. What woman also wouldn’t want to have sex with a smart, sexy and well hung man? But from my perspective it can be trying, not only in finding the right bull but most importantly maintaining a tenable relationship of three. As I write this blog, after a recent and brief yet intense experience with a new bull, I am once again reminded that with the interaction of different emotions the importance of all inclusive communication, an absolute necessity for any good bull-Hotwife-cuckold relationship to happen and be sustainable.
Being in the swing lifestyle for as long as we have been married, james has been able to witness me having sex with other men for quite some time. In group settings with other couples, arranged gang bangs and of course with single men, all whom we met through that lifestyle. Recently we both had the realization to admit that this ‘swing’ atmosphere was less personal and had become superficial, predictable and mostly sexually unsatisfying.
Over a year ago james and I, on board together, became curious about the cuckold/Hotwife concept and were inspired to learn more. For us, reading blogs and websites, it all made perfect sense, particularly the concept that is most fascinating and desired by us, a ‘relationship of three’. What is very important to me and I want in this relationship is that I can have unrestricted and different physical and emotional connections with two men, the bull and my cuckold. As an empowered Hotwife, I am all for this. It is my belief that women can handle juggling multiple emotional relationships. As the saying goes “women can juggle many balls, but the typical male only has the capacity to juggle two”. 🙂
On the other hand, cuckolds want to see their Hotwives with a bull and developing that emotional relationship with another man. But it can be hard accepting it, the cuckold (or in my case james) being unprepared for the unrestricted and raw intensity displayed when it is actually occurring. The unexpected emotional risk and result can cause feeling disconnected and threatened where they can’t assent to the thought of their wives alone outside of the home with another man, even when the Hotwife is making an effort to communicate and include her cuckold during the time, and in the end ruining her experience.
When I’m with my bull my sexual and emotional intensity is suppose to be better, and in a good way james should feel angst about it. My thought for other cuckolds is don’t underestimate what emotions you desire.
As I have also learned, the bull can have difficulties in sharing. From my personal and very recent experience, he couldn’t imagine having emotional bonds with a hotwife (me) that mirror what I have with james, and then having to also share it with him. Though he may have sought out the relationship with a cuckold couple and acknowledged the desire for the relationship of three, he eventually resisted to go further once he established the emotional connection with me but not with james. To that point, his response in a text conversation:
“I think it’s unrealistic at this point for all three of us to be on the same level of communication.”
In other words, his interest was only in an ‘affair of two’.
Most often the Hotwife wants an alpha male in the bedroom. Knowing now from experience, outside of the bedroom I feel the need to be the ’emotional’ alpha in the relationship of three and not become vulnerable to the attention from my bull to the point of temporarily losing sight of the bigger picture, my 30 year marriage with james. Though I may feel like I am communicating and sharing with him my emotions with the bull, by thinking only with my pussy but not also with my heart, james can definitely feel as though he is an outsider in the relationship. Being empowered as the emotional alpha in the relationship allows me to be a better communicator to both james and the bull and determining the best relationship with both.
Yes, I have an ongoing relationship with ‘A’, but it is limited for what I desire so I have been seeking others. No surprise, it has also been a challenge in finding ‘the right’ bull(s). I have learned from the past through the swing lifestyle, and now cuckold sites, that way too many suitors approach me on the pretense of being single, but later I discover that they are not. It is not my first choice to having a bull who is not single but I have been with married men in the past and comfortable having a sexual relationship with someone not single within the context of my cuckold marriage. The challenge, single or not, is trying to make the bull understand and embrace from the beginning, what he is getting himself into…not just my pussy, but a cuckold marriage. When approached, if the interest is strong I always send the links to Cuckoldmarriage and “Life as a Bull” before I meet a potential suitor. In most cases the bull will confirm and agree with my desires, but just when the relationship seems to be a good fit, and usually after I have been to bed with him, out comes the bull’s hesitation with the concept of the cuckold marriage. Sometimes it has been a ‘single’ male with the caveat that he’s in another relationship, whether separated or married with a ‘hall pass’ and having assured me that he had the freedom to have a relationship with me, but then showed that he really did not have the emotional steadiness to handle an additional relationship with me and my cuckold husband. They may be single or say they have hall passes, are separated or that their partner is ‘on board’, but are they really wanting that relationship of three or just selfishly craving only the thrill of a ‘test drive’ and then move on to the next?
Not all are like that. Here is a text from one potential suitor, with a girl friend ‘on board’, who I was planning to meet for coffee after an ongoing dialogue including a phone call:
“Good morning Ann, thanks for the links to the websites. I spoke with my girlfriend last night. She’s uncomfortable with us going on dates, being seen out in public and being in an emotional relationship. She said she’d consider that cheating. As I know that’s what you’re looking for, I’d rather not waste your time. I don’t want her or myself feeling conflicted. Hopefully this isn’t too short a notice, I apologize if there is any inconvenience in you or your husbands day.”
Though disappointed that we didn’t have the chance to meet in person, I appreciated his honesty.
From my recent experience with a new bull and having the best sex of my life, but also a disappointing end to the relationship, I understand well that emotions can not be excluded. Emotions are an important part of who I am and my pleasure. How open I am about them with my bull and cuckold and helping them understand will set whether it will be a continuing euphoria or a trying experience. As I continue to search for the right bull(s) I know that I will be better about evaluating the fit of the relationship. The end goal is all about my pleasure but it has to be mutual in order for it to be fully satisfying, not only sexually but also emotionally. Not only for me but for my cuckold, who will always be my number one. I never want him to feel threatened nor do I want my bull to feel as though he can have me solely to himself without acknowledging james as a part of the experience.