So you want to be a cuckold, eh?

Unfortunately, the things most worth having or enjoying in life are seldom easily gained/achieved.

The complexities of this process are such that I’ve not previously written an article like this though it’s a very common question I get and a large part of the coaching I have done with couples. To help you help your wife, I’m going to discuss the common reasons that wives refuse or are heavily reluctant to try or sometimes even discuss the idea of being shared with other men.

[note_box]For this article, I’m going to assume that you, as the prospective cuckold husband, have a trusting and loving relationship with your wife and you have at least discussed/roleplayed fantasies together. If you’ve acted any of them out, that’s even better, but at least having openly communicated about sexual topics is very necessary to this process.[/note_box]

If you’re not in that category, you’ll need to work on that before you’ll have the necessary foundation to continue.

Why she might say no even if the idea holds some appeal for her:

  1. Even in the best of marriages, wives will almost always assume that you will want/expect the same freedom you are offering them. In fact, they are very likely to assume this is the primary reason –  so you have justification to fuck another woman. This means that you should always head off that idea by being prepared to state, on the record, that you will always be faithful to her, especially if she were to have a lover. From the outset, you have to help her feel confident that this is first about her pleasure and you will enjoy it through her.
  2. Wives will also wonder if such suggestions are simply a test of her fidelity. If she admits to having thoughts or fantasies of other men, will you freak out and forever be paranoid that she’s cheating.
  3. The above issue is similar to the next: Isn’t this just pillow talk? He wouldn’t really want me to do this, right? If the only place you ever discuss these ideas is in bed, she’s likely to think it’s only talk. The roleplaying needs to lead out of the bedroom in both talk and action. How do you do that? When you’re in public together, consider asking her quietly who, among the men within sight, would she have as a lover if she had to choose one? If other men take notice of her, quietly pass that on to her. This leads to my next point: self confidence.
  4. If your wife doesn’t have reason to believe other men find her attractive, she will feel very self-conscious about discussing, let alone considering expanding her sexual experiences to include other men. Your first goal will have to be taking steps to make her feel attractive and desired by other men.

Other sources of reluctance:


  • “You are a great lover, why would I want to sleep with someone else?”
    I’m sure she enjoys more than one flavor of ice cream, doesn’t she? Just because she enjoys one doesn’t at all mean she can’t enjoy more. Unless she’s had enough sexual partners to really establish your skill as a lover, she isn’t really qualified to say she wouldn’t enjoy someone else more.
  • “It’s too dangerous.”
    Yes, safe sex is important, but there are many ways to ensure that in addition to the practice of condoms. The best of these is by having a committed boyfriend who is only dating your wife.
  • “It’s cheating.”
    Cheating is a violation of the relationship. By sharing in this together, she is clearly not violating any trust. In addition to this, the proscription against ‘cheating’ is a religious dictate and for women brought up in a religious environment, this can be a significant issue, but unless she’s a fundamentalist living on a compound somewhere, I’m pretty sure she’s already chosen to disregard the Bible’s edict to ‘…honor and obey….’ her husband, right? If she can selectively choose what she heeds in that case, she can here as well.


The bottom line, as with most things related to any relationship, is communication. Even for couples who communicate reasonably well, miscommunication can happen. When any two people with a history together communicate on a topic, it’s natural for the that message to be passed through ‘filters’ of the collective experiences shared with the other. The result can often be interpreting the message instead of just listening at face value. This is one reason why I have often been much more effective with helping a wife work through her reluctance than the husband.

If you do get past these roadblocks and she starts to warm up to the idea:


  • remember to move talk of this outside the bedroom so it takes on a life independent of your pillow talk.
  • encourage her to dress sexier; take responsibility for ensuring she feels attractive to both yourself and other men
  • ensure she has opportunities to socialize; take her out and encourage social events with friends or co-workers so she can start to appreciate the feeling of being married, yet slightly available
  • and last, but not least – communicate!


There are so many variables in such situations that I cannot really concisely write about them – so I’m not going to try, but if you are in this situation and want a bit of help, we’re here. If  you ask me for help, be genuine and be willing to give my suggestions a genuine try or don’t waste our time!

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