Re: Living the fantasy with a Strap-on

I'll offer what has really helped my wife and me transition from fantasy to reality:  involving friends and staying away from stranger encounters.  Early in our relationship my wife had several encounters with men met through online means.  I got to watch her couple with some real studs but, while she enjoyed the experiences in some measure, she quickly got turned off the entire process and felt more like I was “pimping” her than she cuckolding me.

Recently, I was inspired by a blogger chronicling years of hot marital fantasy and failed attempts to bring an actual lover into the marriage.  Then the husband suggested his wife contact an old boyfriend.  Long story short, she did and soon cuckolded her hubby with such eagerness that he began having severe bouts of cuckold angst and cooled things down . . . . Be careful what you wish for, eh?

Earlier this year I suggested to my wife that she try contacting an old boyfriend with whom she'd enjoyed a very intense, intimate and passionate sexual relationship.  Before long they were having phone sex, with her exhibiting a degree of sexual wantonness and arousal I frankly do not see displayed toward me (with one exception perhaps, in which she was intoxicated and I had on a large strap-on, so the excitement was more her fantasy I think).  Now this old boyfriend lives hundreds of miles away and seems to have entered a relationship where he is at, so nothing more has come of that than phone calls.  But from that liberating experience, my wife has been motivated to reconnect with local male friends.  In both cases where this has occurred, it has started just by accepting offers to socialize and in group settings; but this has progressed to casual boyfriend relationships with each man.  And while she has not yet had conventional sex with either, both have now enjoyed her considerable oral skills!

The sum of all this is that now my wife is seeing men outside our marriage on her terms.  Yes, I was the impetus behind the initial reconnection with old friends.  But my wife has been able to feel very comfortable just going out and having a good time, with no expectations or demands on her sexually (read — previously overly excited and pushy husband!). Things have been developing organically if you will, perhaps much more slowly than I might wish for but all the better for it in the end, because our cuckolding progression is on my wife's terms.  Just last night my wife told me she was thinking of going to Vegas some weekend with one boyfriend — with hubby staying home!  This is totally from her, and I feel like blinders are coming off my eyes as I begin to realize and appreciate something Luvr discusses on this site:  that your wife is a sexual being in her own right and her deepest fantasies may simply not involve you.  I am catching glimpses that I represent something too safe and domestic to fulfill her wildest desires, and to truly see her sexuality blossom I am becoming convinced that it must happen in the arms of another and without my immediate presence (at least till more comfort sets in on her part).

I would encourage any husbands hoping their wives will step into the realm of actual cuckolding to keep a sharp eye out for any men your wife feels comfortable around, whether an old boyfriend or just a social friend.  In the case of a friend/acquaintance, promote and encourage any social opportunities like holiday parties, get-togethers, etc. where the two can just talk and enjoy one another's company.  The worst case scenario has you and your wife fantasizing over the looks that that man gave her or flirty conversation had, leading to some very heightened sexual play in the marital bed even if she doesn't take the next step.  But my experience is that boyfriend/lover relationships may take months to develop if your wife is anything like mine.  The challenge for me has been walking the fine balancing act of encouraging and gently bringing to the fore her own unacknowledged/undeveloped desires, while simply “keeping myself out of the way” in large measure to let her develop relationships on her own terms.  

Hope that all helps!