Sex, or the lack of.

Wow! Thanks for the responses. It is really cool to see how different everyones personal journeys differ. And you both seem very happy! Which is what we are all trying to achieve. Sexually, emotionally, and spiritually.

There are pieces of cuckolding I relate to with both of you folks. And parts of it that I think are unique to my experience.

We are both close to our bull. Any break we have ever had was met with him responding in the following way
“I understand, I hope you are able to connect in the way you are looking to, I love you man. I am here if
you want to try again”

The loving dynamic has always been one of my favorite things. Him and I don’t play, but I have a love for him
that is unique to itself, because of how responsibly, and the care he shows not just for her, but for me too.

That all being said. When we are actively cucking, I feel .. not “bad” but taboo anytime I touch her pussy. Watching
, and seeing the difference in their relationship, and ours. It has helped me along with my submissive nature, and
although from a vanilla stand point, it seems odd, but I look at them as each others sexual partners. Compersion runs high. And the thought of fucking her, or being the typical guy that “begs” for sex, feels like it’s a trespass on their unique connection.

One thing I will try to improve, is being ok with “being thrown a bone”. I sort of hated the forced nature of it. But I should think of it as more of a loving gesture from her to me, rather than a “you are just doing this because you feel pressured to or from a place of pity”.

Just another step in the long journey of self discovery. Disconnecting penetration as the act of love between her and I to other things we love doing with each other has been huge. No longer feeling pressured to fill the “alpha” role society taught me I had to be. And enjoying my real sexuality, which is submissive, and loving.

Another lesson learned that has over the years, eliminated “dangerous” jealousy. Simple truths

thought: oh god, she vastly prefers sex with him, and I am entirely inadequate, and I have failed as a man.
rational thought: You are each others life partners, you share a hundred other things, she is sad any night you aren’t in her bed. You have made each other the best versions of each other. Do you think any amount of bomb dick is going to detour that?

thought: but, what if we never have sex again?
rational thought: stop thinking about your dick so much. Even in your scary thoughts? what does it honestly matter? aren’t you the happiest cuddling, kissing her pussy, and getting pegged anyway? aren’t these the things that make you feel the closest? doesnt sex give you anxiety? (it does)

thought: what if we have another scare some day? what if she gets pregnant with him?
rational thought: you are adopted. our friend is adopted. were you loved any less from your adopted parents? was he? do you think any of these thoughts will matter when you are teaching a child to read, do math, bring him/her to their first concert as a teen, teaching them to drive? No, you are going to be a parent. And this is the worst case scenario, your fear is irrational.

thought: am I less of a man?
rational thought: you are a provider. you are a source of amazing amounts of love. you are a person who educates others. you are also a sub, and a cuck. your preferences sexually do not change who you are as a man. would your friends care if they found out your private secret? or would they tell you, do you? would they forget the times you have bailed them out from situations? love yourself the way others love you.

Sorry for the self help elements here, but I am proud of my journey. 🙂

Thanks for reading, and thanks for your responses!

It’s been a bit! Happy to hear your side!

I think we are naturally progressing to a stage somewhat similar to yours. I definately am afraid of awknowledging it though.

It’s nice knowing it’s something I’m not exactly alone in though, and isn’t something diminishing. I secretly love it. Why? Not a clue. But I’d bet it has something to do with everything Live has researched here. Something biological makes the whole thing attractive to me.

We havnt had sex since we started back up. I havnt felt the need to initiate, other than eating her out. It’s silly, but it feels inappropriate to, I have felt this way before. We have yet to put it to words, but I know it’s a thing we both recognize, and roll with.

I don’t harvard any kind of resentment, other than the occasional shame with myself. Which. Tbh, just needs to be gone. It’s not helpful, and gets in the way of living a full life.

I feel that!

I think I’m getting it. Or rather, getting how I feel, and being ok with how I personally get gratification from it all.

We have had our talks. Our bull isn’t going anywhere, unless we have to move for work, or if he does. He is an integral part of our life. They are eachothers lovers.

I’m coming to peace , and replacing the shame that I felt over that. And feeling more positive about how my personal sexuality fits into everything. I love their partnership. And it has never harmed our partnership. Not actually, only in the unrealistic scenarios I have created in my head.

Even if I took cuckolding out of the equation, I couldn’t go back to vanilla sex.

Like many here, cuckolding has become a pretty big part of my sexual identity. The crappy part is the negative connotation of it but.. it’s no one else’s business :/

On a side note, we had another pregnancy scare , but it turned out negative again. This time, I felt a little worn down, and felt different about it. Like, more of a, how do we prepare, rather than freaking about about the situation.

Hell, dealing with it this time didn’t even have as big of a sexual thrill this time. It DID (a fact that I keep very close to myself) but it was the last thing on the docket. It feels more of an, of course that is going to happen versus, I can’t believe that happened.