Cuckoldry & humiliation?

I think I am with you. After trying to push myself into the ‘cuck’ mode, I found that I am not interested in having my wife put me in a chastity device. I am not interested in public humiliation. I have been successful, athletic and brave in my adult life. But I do have a strong desire to have my wife have sex with other men. However, I’m not really interested so much in their being close friends or neighbors (although my wife does have one close work buddy whom I know, a younger studly man, whom I could envision her having a sexual relationship with). LUVR advised me to be more trusting of my wife’s flirtations, and I’m going to try to do just that, but personally, I think I would like another man (or woman) love up my wife without all of the humiliation. First, however, I think I need to let her call more of the shots and I must realize that I can’t try to control things so much. But if we do go through with this, I like the way you seem to do it(mostly with strangers) and I think I could get on board with something similar. It seems a little more like sharing one’s wife than being cuckolded in the ‘traditional’ sense, don’t you think? Thanks for your input.

I would agree with you that I am as well more the Dom in our relationship and not submissive or into chastity in any way. But I’ve had this conversation a few times in the chat forum where people say they are not into humiliation. But the fact that another man spreads my wife’s legs, fucks the shit out of her, cums in her mouth or on her tits then sends her home to me is pretty humiliating. I guess there are different levels of humiliation but I love hearing how good she got fucked, what he did to her or how she can’t wait to go see him again, but he will never control our sex life even though he has already tried a few times. My wife has told him when shes with him she’s his and when shes home she’s mine. When we talked about this lifestyle it was for us and its going to continue to be for us.

Very well said. And your point about humiliation is well taken. Can’t deny the obvious, can we?

I agree. I don’t really don’t get the humiliation point from those who do it. I have no desire to embarrass anyone I care for,
or be with anyone who wants to embarrass somebody I care for. How someone gets to like being humiliated I will never understand either, but
that is ok.

Humiliation is part of cuckolding because it is a form of power exchange. In our culture it’s a submissive act to allow someone to humble you – especially for a male. I say humble because humiliation has this connotation of extreme acts when it’s simply a matter of deferring to another and nothing more. When one person does or says something which could result in the other being humbled, they are attempting to assert dominance over that person. When the other accepts that humbling, they are expressing submission – when they don’t conflict happens. The more humbling an experience, the more the roles of dominant and submissive are expressed. It’s not hurtful to humble someone when they are expecting it as an expression of asserting dominance on your behalf and an expression of submission on theirs. Humbling someone is only hurtful when it’s meant to be hurtful and is experienced as such.

There are really only two ways to (knowingly) share a wife as a husband: from a position of authority or from a position of non-authority. Couples not overtly one or the other are leaving a natural part of their relationship on the table, unexplored. Without someone in ‘control’ there will be chaos (or at least a lot of room for uncertainty). For some couples, one partner is clearly the dominant partner. In others, the couple has a very peered relationship, but each spouse has areas of the relationship/family that are mutually agreed ‘belong’ to them like finances or home repairs. Sex can be on of these areas where one spouse is seen as a leader and expected to bear more of the responsibility of sexual experiences and decisions. When a couple does this, they are accepting and assuming roles that can be much more deeply explored if overtly recognized for what they are.

I’m bringing all this dominance/submission stuff up because whether people realize it or not, D/s is a part of our lives every day and always has been. When you were in school and you sized someone up and decided whether they were someone you might a) pick on b) be friends with or c) steer clear of, you were exercising an instinctive behavior of social ranking. Imagine a line. At one end we have submissive – at the other, dominant. We are all on that line somewhere, but where we are can shift depending on how we perceive (the social ranking of) those we interact with. We defer to those we recognize as ranking higher than ourselves and we assert ourselves with those we perceive as lower ranking socially. This behavior is who we are at an instinctive level. As we mature, are told to repress that in favor of what our society tells us is acceptable social behavior, but this process of socially ranking each other happens subconsciously at least for all of us. Those of us aware of this dynamic have more to work with.

The majority of us are more submissive than not. I say that because most of us would rather lead than follow. The problem with this for males is it flies in the face of societal expectation. For women, it leaves them vulnerable to being taken advantage of and isn’t politically correct. This leads many who are natural submissives to live behind a facade of assertiveness. Some husbands will fight the idea they are anything less than the ‘alpha male’ simply because they can’t handle the conflict internally. This results in things like husbands who claim they are ‘dom cuckolds’ who want the experience of sharing their wives from a position of non-authority, but want to avoid anything that might challenge their ego as an alpha male. A truly alpha male would lead the sharing of his wife, establish the rules, make the introductions and be in charge of what does and doesn’t happen. A husband who puts all this responsibility on his wife (or just quietly gets out of the way) is a cuckold whether he admits it or not; he’s chosen to give up being responsible and a dominant is always the one most responsible.

The reason so many males are afraid to handle that ego conflict is the social stigma that a non-alpha male, or a beta, is somehow of less value than an alpha. This is simply and obviously not true. There are far more betas than alphas. In fact, there are no alphas born – alphas are promoted to that ‘rank’ by being recognized by their peers as such. When a wife invites another man into her bed and inside her, she is, in a real sense, recognizing him as an alpha, if only temporarily. When we overtly recognize these mechanisms we can leverage them and make them part of our conscious decisions, discussions and play. When we choose to ignore them, we turn a blind eye on the opportunity to know each other and ourselves more intimately and honestly.

I would agree with Luvr on everything he said. I realize that some are not into the level 5 cuckolding. They are more comfortable with level 1 or level 2, as it is described on many blogs and websites. Great points!!! Keep up the good work, Luvr. This is the best site on the net for cuckolding information.