What is Jealousy really?

So it occurred to me, what is Jealousy and why the big deal about it?

My story is different from a lot of “newbies” here in that I fucked up almost every relationship I have ever been in until I was almost 30 years old because I couldn’t figure out what I wanted and why?  I hurt other women before my wife now because I didn’t understand what it was that I wanted out of life, and more importantly, I didn’t understand jealousy.  Thankfully my wife has been patient in the beginning and up until a few years ago, enough so that I could figure myself out. Because this tale is about me and my inability to really be jealous, it may not be for everyone, although I would like to hear other people’v views on the matter.

I should mention that I met my wife while she was working as an exotic dancer in a club over seas when I was in the Army.  We have been married now for 10 years, and she had been a “hot wife” for almost 2 years, and more recently has been cuckolding me for about 1 year now.  In my mind the difference seems to be that at one point I had a say on the “whens and wheres” of our sex life, and for the past year I have not had any say (or any sex for that matter). So the brief background is concluded..

Jealosuy…a strange emotion really.  From the beginning I knew I loved my wife and would always love Her.  I used to see her sometimes on the lap of other guys (she actually enjoyed her job 99% of the time) and it was such a turn on for me to see her kissing another guy or fondling his cock or to see him groping her (she did this with guys she thought attractive and of course it paid better when she did).  Yet, I knew how I was expected to act with everyone (my fellow sodliers, as well as my girlfriend), because everyone who had a girlfriend in this job was jealous.  I tried to play the part and act like it upset me but she knew I wasn’t that upset and I know she expected it. Is this something that we are supposed to have ingrained in us or something? In the beginning before we talked and got to really know eachother, she would have been mortified to know that I am not jealous when she is with another guy.  She actually believes (maybe others of you reading this think so too?) that the more jealous your boyfriend or girlfriend are of you with someone else, the more they may “love” you? It seems a strange yardstick to me by which to measure our partner’s love.

I will not go into the details at this time as to how we got to where we are today, but I can say that the two of us have ALWAYS had excellent communication and we do not let an issue rest until we have both been satisfied with an answer (Let’s say that our quarrels are often resolved within 30 minutes or so).  Today, we both have a very clear understanding of eachother’s feelings and our lifestyle has evolved into this cuckold type without to much work on our parts.  Our initial hurdles were simple really in that she thought that if she slept with other men (which she very much enjoys) that it would provide me an excuse to sleep with other women ( Since we have come to terms with who we are, she understands I am not attracted to other girls at all and have no desire for anyone but her ).  She is a natural sadist and enjoys the power, the control, the Domination and humiliation she gets to visit upon me, and I thrive on the way she treats me. 

I realize I may have rambled a bit in this discussion, but as I have read quite a few posts here on the forums, I see that Jealousy is a natural hurdle that many have to overcome before they can actively participate in this beautiful lifestyle.  I simply wish to state that maybe I am lucky in that I don’t comprehend the selfishness and possessiveness that men seem to foster when they are reluctant to share these truly beautiful and special women.