Learning to humiliate

Thanks for the response Mat. I think that the degree of humiliation sought by cuckolds varies markedly and connected to that come the agreed rules. Unbridled humiliation can be just as bad as not realising that a cuck needs this. Humiliation needs to operate as part of a consensual agreement between the hot wife and cuck. But consider this-if everything is spelt out in detailed contract, then there is little living on the edge, and that for some couples is part of the excitement. If there is no angst, nor clear contrast with the vanilla lifestyle, it all feels like a job. He does this, she does that-it might not seem so much like living. Perhaps then cuckolding feels like an occasional game-‘playtime’. That may be exactly right for some. Quite probably there is a wide spectrum of need/philosophy here. At one extreme there is some BDSM stuff-not my cup of tea. At the softer side there is degrees of humiliation-more or less codified. My points above start the conversation, and especially for new hotwives who are unaccustomed at humiliating a male.

Thanks both for contributing.
This brings us back to those negotiated rules and the cuck doesn’t it. It may be the case that the cuck learns to sublimate their ego, to bend it to their mistress’s demands and through her to those of the dominant male. It is precisely this process of learning and gradual submission (through humiliation amongst other things) that represent a journey in the cuckold lifestyle. Now there arises a debate. It may be that what Mat describes as cuckold dignity is a protemp resistance and it reflects where he is at now, exploring the lifestyle. After all, the male has been socialized to be egoistic and territorial. But it may instead be a relationship thing-something that suits the couple. Picture a very dominant female and a potentially very submissive cuck (inclinations). Here humiliation looms large and is rather strong. In a relationship where the female is only moderately dominant by instinct and the male only modestly submissive, then humiliation is more measured and the cuck says, ‘so far and no more!’ The couple journey-I’d suggest Mat that what you feel now could change, but that this depends too on how your lady changes and how you negotiate that. Only a stupid bull would not listen to, learn about and try to work with that change. As i’ve posted elsewhere, a good bull is one who enjoys the journeying exploration, what the couple explore as well as the immediate pleasures of servicing a beautiful woman.

Now buttercup’s point about discipline and punishment. Whether something like spanking (or enforced panty wearing etc) represents a punishment might depend on the extent that it humiliates-that is forces the cuck to downgrade his estimation of his own worth. Something that doesn’t touch his self esteem, despite being painful at the time, might not represent punishment. He is not ritually submitting, sublimating his ego. It is then that a cuckoldress might wonder whether to spank is the right thing to do. Experienced hotwives rarely stick with one form of discipline, they ring the changes and keep the cuck in a insecure state (back to the on the edge stuff above!). It is this uncertainty, this submission, to something that might seem a punishment but might seem a reward that is so thrilling to cucks. When I talked with my women about this they all say that its important to remain ‘on your toes’ to keep the cuck guessing. The women who have been good at that humiliate regularly and within the broadest possible bounds. They don’t allow the cuck to tie down rules too tight. Come back though with thoughts-anyone else with experiences or ideas?

Here is a case of role humiliation-one that shows how a hotwife can develop confidence. ‘Sarah’ and I had been fucking regularly for two months and it was getting to that stage where role change was underway. I wanted her bare back and for the sex to be exclusive. This is an upgrading of the relationship, one associated with clear and continuing commitment. This isn’t a rushed thing and it is very carefully considered. I didn’t push the lady but I did say, when she was ready, and only then, I wanted her cuck’s cock debarred from her pussy. It was time for him to learn that his sex organ was his mouth. Things were promising too, as Sarah was regularly having him lap her sex after she came home from our dates. I asked whether he got off on licking her out and she confirmed that he did. He had his dick locked up, but it strained at cage when she queened him, straddling his mouth.

Sarah and I took some health checks ready for bare back sex and I said that ‘Adrian’ had to mark the transition in some way. So the three of us went out and Adrian bought his wife a new bracelet, one that had a name plate on it. It was inscribed ‘alpha only’. The guy who did the inscribing grinned broadly, quickly reading the situation. Sarah said calmly to him, ‘Adrian isn’t man enough to fuck me’. The way Adrian blushed was a picture, but he stuck it out and bowed his head in submission. I then kissed Sarah in front of both of him and Adrian paid for the bracelet inscription. We retired to the house and i fucked Sarah bareback, making a feast of it. Adrian sat on his hands in the corner and then Sarah went over to him, her sex dripping and he licked it clean.

Now voyeur tale apart, the episode at the engravers makes a point. Sometimes there is rubicon to cross. It would be months later that she told some close friends that I was the man of their house, but she practised for that with the stranger first off. She would never see the guy again, so it was easier to put her husband down there. Adrian took the metaphorical slap around the face and bowed his head. He could have lost it, he could have cut up rough, but Sarah had been training him to tongue. He wasn’t losing contact, he was simply demoted from the big boy’s league in which she played. Later, when he tongued her out I reinforced the transition, the humiliation. ‘Look my friend, you do that nice, she’s loving it. But you’re not good enough to fuck her are you’. Adrian nodded. ‘You loved her put down back there at the engraver’s didn’t you man?’ Adrian reluctantly agreed that he did. It was terribly shameful to admit that, but Sarah stroked his mane as he lapped. ‘It’s important darling…you have to know your place.’

Afterwards, when Adrian had been sent to spend the night in the guest room, Sarah and I talked. It had felt exhilarating to put Adrian down at the engravers. It sort of sealed the oral sex only thing that they were building. I told her she handled it beautifully with complete conviction, and it was that which enabled Adrian to bow his head. ‘You’re becoming his mistress, he needs that’ I whispered. She giggled, ‘does that make you want me more?’ I said it did and we started kissing. What she had him do fuelled us, and what we did, would fuel Adrian-more and more as he explored the his submission. Adrian confronted his need and Sarah took up the reins on that.