The graduate degree in cuckolding: Ownership

The idea and label of “owned” is often attacked by those who lack perspective on how the term is used just as “breeding” and even “bull” receive criticism. Being owned is not a reference to slavery or some form of relationship lacking in consent: it’s an informal contract between those involved which overtly recognizes and celebrates Dominant and submissive roles – and it’s the ultimate destination for both the cuckold couple and their Dom.

Before that goal can be achieved, a couple has to gain perspective on the idea of the wife becoming “conditionally his” and the boyfriend (and aspiring Dom) has to earn the trust necessary for it.


Being owned as a couple means that your Dom is fully responsible for not just your pleasure and discipline, but also your health and safety. Is this wife going to be fucked by the boyfriend’s two friends or just fondled? If a Dom has properly earned his couple’s trust and she has become conditionally his, both options are available.

A Gift Given


she only wears the collar for him; conditionally his

Inviting another male into the marriage is, by default, an expression of submission: a gift given the wife by her husband. In most cases, a cuckold wants his wife to be more assertive and, so to speak, subject him to being cuckolded. This is because he knows and trusts her and therefore the idea of giving up power to her is far less threatening than giving it up to another man who, even if well known to them, still hasn’t earned the same level of trust and confidence a husband has in his wife.

The reality is that most people would rather follow than lead, if given the option, and while many wives do enjoy the various forms of empowerment being dominant with their cuckold brings, the reality is they also have their own submissive needs. When the wife’s bull is one of those males who prefers to lead rather than follow, the right catalyst for change has been introduced to the marriage formula.

In order for a wife to feel “taken” and for her cuckold to experience that lack of control that enables him to express submission – a sense of security has to exist to override the natural anxiety and feelings of threat created by these behaviors.

The Calculated Gamble

Almost every guy dating someone’s wife will try to assert some influence over her. This is purely a selfish instinct along the lines of “if you don’t ask you don’t get”. Someone practiced as a dominant will carefully consider the net effect of his request of a wife – and therefore her husband – and wager that her desire to be had by him and her husband’s desire to experience being cuckolded, will outweigh her anxiety, her reluctance, and/or her guilt over being responsive to another man’s influence.


It’s not an expensive dress, but the look is undeniably sexy and the response to influence just as positive.

One of the first things I do with a wife I’m dating or even just coaching is to begin modifying her appearance. There are several reasons for this:

  1. to become a hotwife, she must behave and appear as one
  2. how could I have influence over a sexy woman and not use it?
  3. it forms an early way for her to learn that responding positively is highly rewarded
  4. despite the conflict it causes for the husband I know he also enjoys the ‘new her’ and I want him to enjoy this process

I like to acclimate a hotwife to wearing bras far less often (if she is not so busty where she doesn’t have the option). I do this because it’s very sexy to me but also because it’s an act of submission that is visually apparent. I know I have a fair measure of submission from them when I can show her off in public or at private events that way.  The challenge for the husband is often that she has refused to do this at his request previously or has only agreed very rarely. I make it more difficult for the cuckold to resent her response to my influence by also asking her to not wear one at all at home and to make these changes whether with me or not – ensuring her cuckold also benefits from my influence. This is the balance a Dom should provide.


a cuckold obviously not feeling threatened

When a wife responds to her boyfriend’s influence and the result isn’t threatening to health, safety, or marriage, trust is created to a far deeper level than when such response didn’t pose some challenge. When this pattern repeats itself over time, an informal contract is formed with loose definitions formed by the ways and means the boyfriend has used to exert influence and the ways and means the couple have used to express submission – both as individuals and as a couple.

This dynamic is inherent to the cuckold marriage dynamic and differentiates it from what might be referred to as a “hotwife marriage” where the emotional and mental aspects to a wife’s sexual involvement with another male aren’t explored to much or any degree.

The use of influence is only possible as long as it doesn’t erode trust to the point where the couple or husband can no longer enjoy the experience more than feel threatened by it.

Hotwife dating produces numerous opportunities for the couple to experience and exercise aspects of dominance and submission. From the acceptance of temporarily denial of intercourse leading up to a date, to the practice of formally involving a husband in the bathing and preparation for the date, public dating, and, of course, the various homecoming/reclaiming rituals. But without formal or overt recognition of those behaviors as being forms of D/s, a couple will simply do what feels natural, what feels enjoyable and not consider the how and why of it – and the how and why of it is really where the magic is.

This hotwife is dating publicly, is on display, and is being shared – perhaps not intimately, but I would say it’s safe to say that her cuckold definitely feels she’s conditionally his.

An experienced Dom will be responsible for introducing these routines rather than just hoping the couple find their way to them. He will also create balance in these customs for them so both hotwife and cuckold enjoy them as much as possible. Is the Dom just kind that way? Well, we hope so, but the reality is there’s something in it for him: a deeper and wider trust. This trust allows for more latitude in how the Dom introduces new experiences and ideas. The couple, though still anxious about new ideas, trust in each other and trust in him that despite the obvious challenge in what might be asked of them, they feel confident the outcome will be safe and ultimately enjoyable.

This is the point at which a couple and their Dom can and should consider ownership as the next logical step.


To celebrate the bonds formed, the trust earned, a Dom should invite his couple to consider being owned. What does being owned really mean? That’s for the Dom to work out because being owned means that the couple acknowledge their Dom will take care of them and never put their health, marriage or well-being at any real risk. This doesn’t free the Dom from making smart choices about how he exercises his couple – quite the contrary, but it does create confidence that the couple trusts his decisions.

Having ownership of a couple means doing the right thing, not necessarily the thing(s) enjoyed most. Pegging has no real appeal for me aside from the submissive expression, but it can be necessary. I have no interest in males sexually, but forcing that interaction can be the most effective way to humble a cuckold and to empower his wife to be more dominant.

It is vitally important to point out that the above examples are just that – examples. What should/could be chosen as the means to enable these phases of ownership is extremely varied per couple and exploring various options along the way is very much integral to the experience.

Practical application of Ownership

I never even spoke the work ownership with the first couple I would consider as having had such a relationship with. I simply hadn’t developed the theory behind what was going on to the point I have now, but the reality was that I influenced many areas of their marriage – and we were all happier for it. They wanted me to mold them into the submissives I desired them to be and I did.

I had two (married) friends at the time who were aware of my dating habits (with married women) and worked with one of them. When schedules permitted I would have her meet us for lunch purely to show her off; I was very proud of her. She would dress for work knowing we were having lunch and while permitted to wear a bra for work, she was not permitted one outside of work and as such would remove it as soon as she got to her car. One of the things my friend enjoyed most about our lunches together was he didn’t have to be coy about enjoying the view of her. Such play was enjoyable on its own, but there were other rewards in it for her like the fucking I’d later give her for being a good girl and the empowerment of telling her cuckold about having been shown off to my friend.

This practice eventually culminated in sharing her with him – though not as you might think. I had shared her with him visually several times leaving little of her he hadn’t seen, but what he craved most wasn’t sex; he wanted to spank her. His wife had made it clear that she’d slap the taste out of his mouth if he tried that with her ever again. He didn’t know to warm her up first and it wasn’t enjoyable for her so she thought it too rough. I demonstrated how my pet was trained to first fetch the implement of her discipline (paddle/belt/riding crop) if one were to be used, she would strip from the waist down if not already exposed, and take her place across my lap. I demonstrated how to warm a girl up to being spanked, how to intermittently tease her and how tears weren’t necessarily a sign she wasn’t enjoying it.

I hadn’t planned on actually showing him how she’s spanked – that was spontaneous – and I was secretly concerned she might refuse it or resent having been displayed this way, but what I learned was that she was entirely focused on making me proud of her. The next time I showed off her training, we were better prepared.

To make a long story short, I let her think that I was going to let him fuck her after spanking her in order to relieve the sexual tension she’d created for him. After her spanking, she lay on the edge of the bed, displaying her swollen and needy sex to us both.

I let her think it was him dropping his pants and pushing the head of his cock to her sex, but it was actually me – my friend had already left. For me, knowing she would have given herself to him to make me proud of her was just as good as having done it.

My friend never did fuck her, not wanting to cheat on his wife, but he eventually did give in to his lust and let her demonstrate the deepthroat technique she’d been practicing for months. Having her practice it on her cuckold when directed to was one of the rewards he got from me.

That is what ownership is.

If you are a couple on the precipice of ownership and are reluctant to take that step or a couple who find that ultimate goal appealing and aren’t sure how to get there or whether her boyfriend is up to it, contact me and we’ll walk through the details.

Next: Cuckold Chastity

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