‘Denial’ is the overt application of decisions which limit or redefine a husband’s sexual privileges with his wife.
The practice of the various forms of denial can lead to increased physical and emotional intimacy for cuckold couples as well as a heightened experience for other males involved with the couple. They key isn’t just to limit the cuckold’s ability to have intercourse with his wife, but to channel that need into other forms of intimacy.
Context
In a general sense, couples want sex for for three reasons:
- sexual release
- physical and emotional intimacy
- procreation
Release & Intimacy
For couples whose husband lacks the requisite stamina or cock to effectively satisfy his wife, intercourse is really only effective for sexual release and most often only for the husband. In such marriages, the majority of the intimacy comes during pillow talk or foreplay since the duration of intercourse is likely short, leaving the emotional intimacy not well satisfied either. When intercourse is no longer the default option to pursue enjoyment of these core experiences for couples, other avenues can open, avenues which aren’t limited in the same fashion as intercourse and therefore likely to be enjoyed for longer periods and provide greater intimacy and even pleasure.
Example: Many wives, though they desire intimacy with their husband, may shy away from arousing him because they know it’s likely to lead to him pursuing sex with her, which she knows, will only lead to her frustration. When a form of denial is in place, the wife no longer has that perspective because the sexual options for her husband are defined, freeing her to verbally and/or physically arouse him simply to enjoy the moment of intimacy. In this manner, the ‘frustration’ shifts from the wife to the husband, but you’ll hardly ever find a cuckold who doesn’t eagerly agree to enduring this type of frustration in order to enjoy increased intimacy with his wife.
Even among cuckold couples where intercourse is mutually satisfying, forms of denial can help make good sex great sex when structure is provided around when and how such couplings can take place. When a couple offers this authority to their Dom, it not only relieves the wife of the guilt that can come with her husband’s denial, but increase the bond between the couple and their Dom or boyfriend.
Procreation
For couples who have already had children and don’t plan on having more, it can be said that the husband’s penis has fulfilled it’s only necessary role if intercourse isn’t mutually enjoyable. His denial then, so that his wife may pursue more enjoyable intercourse separates the roles of mate and lover.
Denial Misconceptions
- denial equates to being cut off completely from intercourse
- denial requires enforced chastity
- denial is only for cuckolds incapable of sexually pleasing their wife
Why deny?
Denial creates opportunities for expressing and enjoying intimacy in other ways which ultimately allow for longer periods of intimacy and a deeper intensity to that intimacy both physically and emotionally.
- Especially effective in situations where a wife has started dating someone on a regular basis, denial can be effective as a means of asserting or emphasizing the cuckold’s submission by restricting the sexual access to his wife that being her husband should impart.
- Another reason a husband can find himself denied is to help him experience the frustration that his wife has experienced, often for many years, by being sexually unsatisfied. For husbands who are mouse-hung, lack the requisite stamina to get their wife to that sexual plateau or both, it’s appropriate that they discover for themselves how it feels to be aroused yet seldom satisfied through intercourse.
- It is also erotic, as a Dom, to have this level of control within a marriage; to be able to dictate what forms of sexual intimacy a husband may indulge in and at what intervals, is very empowering. To be balls deep inside the cuckolds wife, in front of him, while being personally responsible for his denial of intercourse is a powerful aphrodisiac.
Attrition vs. Denial
It’s not uncommon for a husband to find himself either effectively sidelined by his wife once she becomes an active hotwife or for the husband to feel reluctant to seek sex being aware that what they bring to the table (bed, actually) isn’t what she needs. This is more a form of attrition than denial. In order to take full advantage of the emotional and physical benefits of denial, it needs to be made official even if it’s already in practice in an unspoken manner.
Methods For Managing Denial
Cut off by default.
There are multiple methods to use but they mainly fall into one of the categories below:
- Permissive: the cuckold is required to obtain permission from her lover
- Quotas: the cuckold is only allowed sex x times per Y; once he uses up his allotment, he remains chaste
- Ratios: for ever X times she couples with her lover, the cuckold is allowed Y
- Schedules: the cuckold has the opportunity (not guarantee) for sex on particular days of the week or certain holidays and anniversaries
- Prerequisites: the wife may commit herself to only allowing cocks of a certain size inside her or may allow only black cock inside her, for example
These rules can be used individually or mixed to create the rule set most appropriate for a given couples needs. Such methods remove the wife’s responsibility for her husband’s denial, freeing her to enjoy and encourage other forms of intimacy with her cuckold while knowing precisely what his limits are.
Intimacy Options
Oral
Without the ‘distraction’ of intercourse, many options open for couples what otherwise would be missed. Most cuckolds’ wives are already familiar with their cuckold’s tongue – often their default sexual organ once it’s become apparent their penis is deficient. This tongue can now be leveraged at will by the wife without concern that he’ll want to then poke her with his inadequate penis. Even if she would likely enjoy said poking, denying it is a tangible extension of the roles of hotwife and cuckold. By denying the husband something custom says he’s due, you exercise his submission.
Teasing
Teasing & Denial is often used together for good reason: purposely exciting the cuckold then provides palpable opportunity to deny him. This is seen as cruel by some who have yet to experience it, but again, this is a method of exercising the dominant and submissive roles inherent in cuckold relationships. I teach wives to learn to enjoy their cuckold’s dangly bits as toys, available to be fondled, teased and left wanting as desired. Cuckold’s will eagerly submit their organs to this treatment as it provides purpose for their genitals and pleasure, despite the frustration that comes with it.
Documenting her date preparations.
Teasing is something that can become part of the fabric of your cuckolding experience. Teasing can be physical, but it is also verbal. When you simply discuss the lifestyle or an impending date with a lover, intimacy is being experienced both physically and emotionally. When a cuckold helps you bathe and dress for a date, your discussions all fall under the ‘tease’ category. Given the time it takes for you to get ready, it’s safe to say this intimacy lasts far longer than intercourse with your cuckold ever did, right?
Getting Started
Often the simplest and most easily understood form of denial for an active cuckold couple is restricting the husband’s sexual access prior to a planned date or evening out where the wife might make a new friend. Some wives who fall under the ‘unsatisfied’ category, but aren’t yet active hotwives, find themselves establishing a form of denial by requiring their husband make good use of his tongue to bring her to bliss before they have their feeble ‘4 minutes of glory’.
Denial can also be implemented as part of a ‘reward’ system for modifying a cuckold’s behavior; until he meets some specific obligation, he is denied the intimacy he most desires.
For couples actively involved with a lover, denial has significantly more value and meaning. Husbands will seldom actively invite their denial, but will respond to it with arousal when proposed or established. What form denial should take for a cuckold and his wife is very unique to their situation and needs. Most wives involved in a relationship with a lover take comfort in having him play a role in establishing her husband’s denial. This is a natural extension of the dynamics of cuckolding.
Cut Off
Being cut off can be temporary, semi-permanent or even permanent in some cases.
- Being cut off temporarily can mean for a set period of time: a month, a year, or until some prerequisite is met
- Being cut off semi-permanently can apply when the husband is denied for the duration of his wife’s relationship with her lover
- For couples where the husband’s inability to please his wife, sex is more aptly described as masturbation using her body. In such cases, being cut off semi-permanently or permanently may be the natural choice for a hotwife actively dating.
- For wives who have made an interracial commitment, the decision to be black only may, by definition, retire her cuckold’s penis from intercourse
For couples practicing these forms of denial, it is even more important that the intimacy replacement mechanisms become part of the fabric of the marriage and lifestyle.
Next: Creating An Enjoyable Cuckolding Environment
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Excellent post! You hit on a lot of great points.
“For couples where the husband’s inability to please his wife, sex is more aptly described as masturbation using her body” This is too true and she should be seeing another man in the first place.
I meant to say: This is too true and that’s exactly why she should be seeing another man in the first place.
What a great article. Denial and teasing is a wonderful way to keep the cuckold in a continual state of excitment for his wifes choosen lifestyle. This excitement brings about many positive and beneficial opportunities for the dynamic of the marriage.
It is foreplay for the couple though the actual sexual fulfillment will be for the wife and her lover though in many cases i’ve heard that the couple reunites after meeting with the bull for intercourse, cleaning or just sharing the events of the encounter.
It encourages the cuckolds submissiveness and willingness to participate and encourage her to enjoy her freedom and sexuality. As stated what cuckold doesn’t enjoy this attention.
It also helps to motivate him through the changes required of his new staus in the relationship especially if a Dom is in the mix.
So much more to be said about this part of it.
Janet and I developed slowly in our growth although just after we married she insisted that I swallow my semen everytime I had an orgasm. For example, even before we began this practice she’d drool her saliva into my mouth as she smiled down at me as I lay upon our bed.
We’re both scuba diving instructors and we dive, Mexico, Belize, and Honduras and that’s where she told me, “from that time forward I’d swallow my own cum.” If we have intercourse I go down on her and lick my cum out of her as well as insuring that she has another orgasm.
Ten years ago we joined an ‘alternative nightclub’ (soft swinging where we had lots of fun with other couples and she realized she was bi-sexual). We did not go all the way with other couples. We did everything but have intercouse and we enjoyed being with other people. One evenig Janet, my wife, had sex with a girl we both found very attractive and she wore Janet out. Immediately after Kim, the girl, satisfied Janet, Her boyfriend pulled Janet to him and spit into her pussy and rubbed it around and then he entered her as Kim and I watched. It was extremely erotic to watch my wife orgasm on a strange dick.
Following that evening, we decided to give up the club and we determined we’d pursue other men for her. It just so happened that we were at another club for a drink and we ran into a black man we’d known when we were members at our alternative nightclub. Janet invited him over and while I was making everyone a drink downstairs he came onto her in our master bedroom. When I brought them their drinks, they were engaged in a passionate and very erotic kiss. Their foreplay became hotter and hotter and shortly they were naked and engaged in a sixty-nine as I watched silently. After mutual orgasms my wife crawled up on top of Roger and she guided his huge dick inside her. She began to orgasm almost immediately. That was our or ‘her’ beginning into interracial sex. Today, I share my wife with five well-endowed black men we’ve met over the last five years. It all began with our experience with Roger and while I’m well built, I’m not well built like that. Janet recently told me, “she liked Roger for ten and a half reasons.”
Great story and does remind me of the black men my wife has taken while I watched. Sure wish I had duplicated your experiences. You had defined a genuine “hot-wife”. Love it
Denial seems to be a central part of things for many cuckold lifestyle couples and for the boyfriend too. I’m struck by how a wife often needs to sort out the roles in a menage a trios, to make sure that each male has a territory and that she is able to manage both. She wants to arrange things comfortably, to secure the best sex and regularly. Many men underestimate women, how multi orgasmic they are and how they enjoy protracted forms of sex, that associated with the mind as well as the body. So a wife sometimes wants to wean her husband off cock sex, partly as a form of humiliation (many women like to humiliate), and partly as a means of separating out the relationship roles. ‘Look Neil, pussy is for Garth’s cock now, you must respect that’. Its then a thrill when Neil’s cock is locked up and she can copulate with Garth unhindered by the idea that her husband might ask for coitus too. The Garths (and Jezz’s) of the world love this- we are red blooded in attitude.
Denial is then balanced with rewards. The husband is taught/encouraged to do oral sex on her. This is ‘his’ sort of sex and very erotic too. She hasn’t left this relationship, she has just remodelled it. His cock may be locked up, but his tongue works fine and it pays a double dividend, because it cements his submission to her other union. Her pleasure comes first and the more he inhales and tastes that down there, the more addictive it becomes. Denial then, arguably, never stands alone, it is part of transition and training. I find women get such a buzz from that-pussy as centre stage, such distinct relationships with her men and the freedom to take this where it might go over time.
Second bit on slide fucking now (something demonstrated in one of Luvr’s related links above).
I guess that women’s views differ on the best form of denial. For some it is lock up in a cage and for protracted time frames. I have seen some husband’s get very frustrated with that. But one very sensuous hotwife I dated clearly thought that a lazy and the potentially destructive solution. It could be overdone. Once ‘Estelle’ was comfortable that I was visiting their house as and when i pleased, she wanted her husband’s cock out of the cage and working in celebration of what she and I shared. So she would have him lie on his back and then slide fuck his cock, running the crease of her wet sex up and down the underside of his shaft. It was always a slow and languid exercise her pretty breasts swinging above him. She told him how much better she and I were together, that it was a pity he was ‘weak’ . You could see in the guys face he was aching to penetrate her, so near and yet so far. ‘Go on then weakly…go on, waste it, you’re so sad’. He would come really hard, spurting everywhere and she would kiss him and say ‘good boy.’ Just the first time I thought how cruel, and then I saw that he needed it. He stared with such devotion at her as she then dressed to go out with me. It was as if he had been made to salute. The denial was deeply psychological, rather than mechanical. When she got home he would lick her out, but pussy was never his in the cock sense again and that hooked him into her intrigue like no one’s business. He couldn’t do enough to please and arouse her. Estelle understood her husband like no other wife I knew back then.
Count me among those who are denied completely. In our case it grew out of Val’s “not feeling sexual” towards me anymore. Of course, her disinterest in me sexually became more noticeable to me in the time since we married. After years of struggling with my cumming only a few strokes after entering her — an agonizing experience for me — Val began to take advantage of my lack of stamina to get me to cum quickly so she could get out of bed and go about her business. Eventually her disinterest in me extended to oral and touching her breasts — even while she was still in a blouse or sweater! All this presented me with a very stark choice: either i accept and adjust to Val’s disinterest in me and a sex life limited to clothed hugs and pecks on the lips and cheek, or i leave (obviously, as a cuckold, I would never , ever cheat on her). In my book, insisting she have sex with me when doesn’t want to is immoral — akin to asking her to accept being raped. To a great extent i think i’ve succeeded in eroticizing my being denied. If i want to have a more sexual relationship i know where the door is.
Of course I don’t know about Val, Jim, but I have noted how candid women are about such failure. They talk in the powder room to other women and once set up, with their bull. You might think that they would see premature ejaculation as a shared problem to be solved and there are loads of books on that sort of thing. But instinctively some ladies then dismiss the husband as ‘not up to it’ and the denial deepens. He is seen as less male. Women can be very discerning and very frank.
This post made me think-what next? What if the denial is not eroticized on a woman’s part and she is simply bored/underwhelmed by partner performance? That could lead to an affair rather than a hotwife lifestyle. So confessing that the denial is sexy for the cuck but not over egging it is important. It is OK for her to start enjoying the denial too and to see this as part of a rationale for lifestyle change. The lady feels that she can fuck elsewhere and talk/share rather than sneak around.
Val has never viewed my failure with intercourse as a shared problem to be solved. Instead, she always saw it as a disappointing handicap: something i can’t overcome. It was a factor in Val’s decision to see other men (something i only found out about six years ago). This isn’t one of those hotwife things; it’s her taking care of her needs sexually and me adjusting to it an taking care of my own through masturbation. i don’t think there is a right or wrong to the situation — every marriage operates with its own set of rules. Val believes her sex life is non-negotiable. i can either accept that or leave and i’ve chosen to accept it and, within the boundaries of our marriage, take care of my own needs.
I been my wife’s cuck now for 11 years and have to say its been over 2 years since I been allowed intercourse with her, she told me I am inadequate in servicing her these days, only form of pleasure I get now is licking her bulls sperm from her used pussy after intercourse have grown to enjoy this practice , I suppose I am a real cuck
I understand Jim’s frustration with cumming too quickly. My wife and I have been married for Forteen years and I not only cum too quickly. Afterwards it is a wrap with the love making session.
To combat that I have been reading on how to satisfy her orally and other ways. She has been so frustrated with me she now calls the shots not even sleeping with me unless she wants too.
She hasn’t had aex with anyone else that I know of although I have offered my willingness to her so long as I can watch.
I am learning to deal with my role as the submissve because I love my wife. I am even looking into getting a fake dick to help her. Right now I am relegated to having to stimulate her through oral then when she is ready putting my dick in. Very frustrating for us both.
This weekend was an example of denal for us. My wife came to bed with me and I stripped. She remained clothed in Jeans and t-shirt. She wouldn’t let me touch her but stroked me a little and ran her fingers over my chest thighs extra. Then went to sleep. She allowed me to lay their naked beside her while she slept.
Sunday I washed dishes after supper hoping to get some. Wound up her sleeping (In bathrobe and underware only) on the couch. I think I’m a Cuck too just mentally and emotionally.
I hope I am not a complete outlier or misfit, but reading the article and comments I decided to share our experience briefly, which I think followed a rather different dynamic leading to denial, in some ways a “reverse” path.
What I mean by “reverse” is that in the article (which was indeed insightful and helpful) and then in some of the comments the “normal” path was greatly based on the husband’s inadequate performance. When his stamina or size will make intercourse inadequate, something less than satisfactory (for the wife). This then somewhat logically leads to cuckolding (so that the wife can get the sexual satisfaction hubby can’t provide) and then denial (why allow hubby a useless intercourse + the bull will certainly love the lack of sharing and a cut off hubby).
However, our path was considerably different and my main point here is that it doesn’t have to be that way. Denial in its own right is extremely arousing, erotic, kinky, hot, plus a means to added intimacy between wife & hubby, part of submission, regardless of hubby’s size or stamina or what a bull/boyfriend may want. In fact in FLRs couples may choose to cage and deny hubby just for fun even if she doesn’t have a boyfriend or bull.
In our case, while in retrospect I believe I’ve always had a cuckold’s wiring, due to my size (6’4″, very muscular), athletic accomplishments, environment (a very dominant macho father, successful athlete himself + machismo friends/family growing up), combined with my natural servile attitude trying to please people (my dad first of all, who was very demanding) and meeting perceived or expressed expectations, I became somebody I really wasn’t meant to be – a somewhat arrogant, womanizer, machismo, high achiever. I really didn’t like it and in my mid-twenties I moved away from parents, friends, family. After that + after 2 failed marriage I met my current wife.
At that time my value system was still largely determined by where I came from, but I am otherwise a friendly, kind, and gentle person and my current wife and I fell in love. By that time she knew very well who she was, a naturally born dominant, and she was extremely turned on by the idea of cuckolding and denying a husband someday. She was married years before and among other things her 1st marriage failed due to related incompatibility (he was just absolutely no good material for cuckoldry, got mad when he found out she was flirting with guys online). She recognized that under the tough, strong macho frame and all 250 pounds (mostly muscle – now I am in worse shape, this was years ago), deep voice, and a track record that would be more consistent with a bull than a cuckold, I might be good cuckold material deep down.
In any case, it was certainly not about that initially, we just loved each other very much in the vanilla sense, we are undoubtedly a perfect match in everything, so we lived a vanilla lifestyle with conventional intercourse daily. On this note, I have exceptional stamina, an 8″ and very thick cock. My stamina was legendary among friends – I could cum double digit within a single session and go on for hours and hours. My wife remembers our vanilla year (the 1st year of our relationship) as I’d fuck her every day like a horse. I never heard about cuckoldry or denial up to this point.
A year into our relationship a few things happened. My wife was very cautious, as she could not be certain about my tendencies, plus she also felt that our love and relationship even as vanilla was so great that she did not want to take any risk on that – she said in retrospect that if I had been not receptive to cuckoldry, she would have just fucked other guys behind my back as that’s what gets her off more than anything, for the thrill.
In any case, she made a very calculated, gentle move. One time while we were just chatting in the bed on a Sunday morning, somehow alternative lifestyles came up and we just had a cognitive discussion about this (we both are in psychology related profession). So she brought up cuckoldry. I admitted I never heard of it and, like with other things I haven’t heard of, I went on Wikipedia, while my wife went to the bathroom. She says she used this as a test: upon her return, she observed my reaction/state. Turns out by then I was reading the Nth blog voraciously with clear excitement. She smiled, we left it at that then.
A month later, I was traveling abroad on a brief trip she could not come with me, and we talked on the phone multiple times a day. She told me she was out with friends, celebrating one her girlfriend’s birthday. As we talked she cautiously mentioned that there were some guys… Somehow this aroused me and asked if they were hitting on her and she said that one actually was. This brought a dramatic change, when she realized not only this did not trigger some kind of jealousy (which would be expected from some kind of machismo guy), but in fact it made me aroused. She went on then to make out with the guy and there was just some technical reason why they did not end up fucking, but she was clearly intended to go that far.
From this point on, we started cuckolding, she would bring home guys, either with me home hidden and listening (most of the first encounters, off Ashley Stewart) didn’t know I knew, let alone I was home. Later, she brought home (or just ordered to the house) guys who knew/saw me, she would let some cum inside her and she would then sit on my face full of cum. Should would chain me while doing this. We also travel quite a bit for work so it became a routine whenever on the road to hit up Craigslist in the city we stayed and have bulls lined up. Some she fucked while I went down to the hotel, some with me present (without any involvement) in the hotel room, depending on her mood.
Up to this point, I had full access. Not only that, but in some ways I even (initially) considered the entire thing as part of the foreplay (I wasn’t getting the true gist of the underlying mentality/fetish yet) so that we spice up our sex life, but it is our intercourse that’s the true climax and I would always fuck her after a bull left. Gradually, I began to realize that she enjoys bulls a lot more, even if all else were equal. Just the mental effect of another man fucking her, the wrong, abominable nature of the act is her fetish, not necessarily the stamina or the size.
Subsequently, she brought up the cage and the idea of denial. I have to say I did not get it (or like it) initially, but ultimately one thing I was clear about from the beginning – I love her more than anything and I would do anything to please her. So I agreed to being locked up. First we tried a plastic cheaper tube, then switched to a better long term option (Mature Metal’s Jailbird), which I’ve been wearing for more than a year now.
Due to the denial and permanent caging, my sexual functions dramatically changed. I can’t hold a hard-on, my cock shrunk some, and I absolutely cannot hold it (which was one great strength I once had). This could be partly aging (I’m in my 40s, my wife is in her 30s), but it was not a gradual thing and clearly the caging and denial greatly contributed to this.
And this is the punchline. My wife LOVES that. She laughs at my lack of stamina and performance. She says my cock no longer belongs in her pussy (she has stopped giving me blow jobs years ago) and that it is very cute that it’s smaller and spurts on minimum stimulation (she doesn’t stimulate it – I can, but only with specific permission and under direct supervision and inside the case – I can readily cum from being pegged while locked in the cage, which greatly amuses her). She just loves my lack of size I used to have and stamina.
In other words, it wasn’t that I could not perform, had a small cock and that lead to cuckolding and denial. It started with her fetish and that this turns her on so much and we turned me into a hubby that can’t perform. It is interesting how this is a dynamic concept. The first time she saw my cock when we started dating she was absolutely awed. She could not stop being amazed and excited about my size (BTW, she is a size Queen and picks bulls larger than my pre-caged 8″ or at least that long if thick). When I casually shared that one former GF, with whom sex was often difficult due to my size suggested I consider a penis reduction surgery, my wife (then GF) was absolutely shocked by the idea “what??? that’s absolutely ludicrous” – yet now when I point out that the caging led to some shrinkage (not everyone’s cock shrinks from caging, it depends on a number of factors, including anatomy), she gets very excited by it and loves it.
She feels that her orgasms are harder now knowing I am denied/cut-off, caged, and I could not satisfy her anyway even if I tried. On occasion (like 3-4 monthly) she tells me to take off the cage and put it in – when I do and cannot stop cumming within a minute, she laughs. Often times she is dry, because she says she isn’t sexually aroused by my fucking her – she has to imagine a bull fucking her to get wet (whereas she used to be so profusely wet that you rarely see – in fact she still gets very wet for bulls and without any extra lubrication she can fuck 6-8 hours straight. We plan 1 more child soon and she wants me to be the biological father – she says I can keep this occasional privilege until she gets pregnant, but then I will be cut off permanently and completely afterwards so that her pussy will be exclusively for her bulls, her mouth already is.
Sorry for the long post. The bottom line is that it isn’t necessary that lack of performance/stamina or size triggers cuckoldry & denial. There are people (like my wife and I) who are naturally wired this way and it doesn’t matter what my physical attributes or performance was, we enjoy cuckoldry and denial fully.
This was a great experience to share and underscores the difference between a hotwife marriage and a cuckold marriage. The cuckold marriage explores the mental and emotional aspects of cuckolding which allows for experiences like yours. I would also point out that you’ll find I refer to inadequacy as only part – and even likely a minority part in the reason most couples desire and/or enjoy cuckolding. Inadequacy for couples is often uses as a device to further deepen the contrasts which form the catalyst of cuckolding’s appeal. I would invite you to post in the forum and come join the chat sometimes – we should talk about featuring you two here.