Marriage Evolved › discussion › Lifestyle Discussions › Getting Started › New to forum, advice needed on confusing cuckold situation › Re: New to forum, advice needed on confusing cuckold situation
uxorious
Hi curiously. Welcome, and thanks for sharing your story.
It’s hard to get an accurate picture of all of the intricate complexities of your relationship with your girlfriend from just one forum post, so please forgive me if I make any assumptions that are off the mark.
It seems to me that your wife was willing to indulge your cuckolding fantasies as part of your sex life as a fantasy, or dirty talk to spice things up. It doesn’t sound like she wanted other men to be part of your relationship, or at least she didn’t at that time. Her relationship with this guy seems to be somewhat of a separate issue, and from the way you describe it sounds more like cheating to me. It’s impossible to determine if your encouragement had anything to do with her developing a relationship with this guy, but the fact that she didn’t tell you about it makes me think your encouragement didn’t play into her decision making. Her cutting of contact with this guy seems to support this.
This is more of a personal opinion than established fact, but I believe that cheating is a symptom of some sort of problem in the relationship. The “cheater” has some sort of need that isn’t being met, or is unhappy for some reason. The act of cheating is an attempt to meet that need.
That being said, I think you need to have a long talk with her about what led her to develop this relationship with the guy from work. My advice would be to figure that out first, talk about it with her with no mention of cuckolding. See if you can get her to open up about it as well as why she kept it from you.
Once you’ve gotten that taken care of (and this could take a long time, on the scale of months or longer), then start talking about cuckolding again. With the assumption that she was essentially cheating on you with this guy, I would leave him out of any fantasies or role play. You don’t want to entangle the problems of the past with the fantasy of the future. By that I mean that hypothetically if the two of you were to pursue cuckolding and involve this guy, it could easily trigger the same problems from the past that you just spent so much time working through and solving.
This turned out to be much longer than I expected, and again it’s just my two cents. There are a lot of great folks on this site that I’m sure will offer some insight as well. Good luck to you!