Re: The Difficult Wife

Hi Bruce,

Your wife’s resistance may have as much to do with common misconceptions and false assumptions as her background does, perhaps even more so.

• You weren’t thinking it or wanting it, but the idea of sharing her, from her perspective, tends to include the inevitable idea that she’d have to share you with another woman in return. Cut that off at the pass now to make sure she knows that this is about her and not at all a ‘swinging’ thing or ‘open marriage’ – this is purely about exploring and expanding her sexuality, including new lovers, but as a couple.
• Another false assumption many wives make is that you are no longer interested in her or attracted to her – why else would you want such a thing? The answer, of course, is that this fantasy, this desire, is very much driven by her appeal to you (and others), but this has to be driven home to her.
• Self-confidence: often it can come down to how attractive she feels and how frightened she is of the potential for rejection or failure when attracting suitors.

In a way, you could be guilty of the same thing she is – making assumptions. I’d suggest some pillow talk and genuine conversation to find out a) what honestly excites her about the idea and b) what scares her or makes her reluctant.