Contradictory feelings that I can’t understand …. Please advise me !!

Your experience sounds like a complete nightmare, and exactly what any cuckolding couple should avoid. The guy she was with was not a Bull in the true cuckolding sense either, but a jerk who tried to steal your wife. Any couple entering this lifestyle must be in a rock-solid marriage, where the bond between husband and wife is unbreakable – this doesn’t sound like you and your wife. I can totally understand you feeling anger towards this guy for what he tried to do, but I think it’s fine to think fondly of the fuckings he gave her, because as a man with cuck tendencies this is what you wanted to happen. Don’t beat yourself over this, not every man out there with cuck desires has a wife he knows has been fucked by another man, take satisfaction from knowing another man fucked her many times, in a way that gave her much enjoyment, but she is still with you.

My wife and I agreed at the outset that we’d only use strangers and keep ourselves anonymous, meeting in hotel rooms with other men. I’d always witness. Point is, we did this as a couple, and did not allow anyone to threaten our marriage. All contact with other men was through men by email/mobile. If you and your wife try this lifestyle again, then play safely – keep feelings out of it.

There are issues here that are much deeper than simply what you are discussing.Having been in this lifestyle for over 15 yrs I can say that your feelings on one level are pretty common. Clearly you have an inclination to be a cuckold and to have your wife sexually satisfied and are reverting back to him being with your wife because THAT is the cuckold experience you have thus far. I see several issues here that would be red flags for us. First off, at the very core of what my wife and I do as a couple is the strength of our marriage. Nothing and no one will ever have the opportunity to break us up. That is simply not going to happen. Her body may be owned by another man, and it is… however, all parties know where the lines are drawn and all parties respect those limits. Suffice it to say, this guy was not what I would consider a bull, he’s a jackass without any ethics or integrity. The other red flag I see in all this is that your wife allowed herself to be manipulated by him to the degree that she would actually leave you for him. To me, that portends a much more serious issue for the two of you. It is my belief that before you jump into the pool of cuckolding again, that you boh get clear on how you feel for each other, about your marriage, and the ground rules you will opearte within, or my friend you will be drowing in that pool.

Being an active cuckold who has had experience with possessive Bulls I do understand and relate to your feelings. My suggestion is you should discuss it with her and think of finding an alternative bull. Yes you hate him but he also did exactly what you asked for, which was to sexually castrate you from your wife. You can’t be angry at him for doing what you asked but that is not to say you aren’t right to fight for your wife. It seems you still have cuck tendencies despite the removal of the situation. I think with a less possessive bull and more involvement between the three of you, you will be able to find a balance. When the bull only fucks the wife 100% solo all the time instead of actually cuckolding by example to recheck all parties involved, you are asking for trouble. The female will without a doubt gravitate to the Alpha male even if the feelings aren’t 100% genuine involved. Short answer either keep jerking off with these feeling or find her a more balanced Bull who will include you and not just make it fucking about him fucking her. It’s a hard balance to find the proper amount of fantasy, reality and fun. Good Luck….

I agree with Mercator; this isn’t a healthy cuckolding situation. Nor is the issue being unable to separate sex and love. The issue is the core relationship between yourselves and what the level of love and trust is between you. For her to easily stray with someone else indicates her bond/ties with you are not sufficiently strong enough to invite another male into the marriage and that fact is troublesome for you two long-term.

Women often love more than one man at a time and love them differently but recognize the various strengths and values each has in her life. Your wife either cannot do that or simply doesn’t see the value in you that she should. Until this changes, considering cuckolding would be a mistake.