Cuckolding moving from a Fantasy to reality

I am new, 40 yrs guy, divorced. I think I was very dominant male until one day a guy showed me his wife naked and having sex with another guy, 15 years ago. It sounds crazy but, what I saw in a bad quality cam recorded in 1mb video changed me for ever. I felt like, I am not enjoying the life. It fucked my brain. And I am living with it. I tried to convinced my wife, she didnt. She was someone very conservative, we did many CAM sex sessions, but she participated because of make me happy. Every minute, I realized that other men have something I dont. We had a nice swap, but it turned out to be a disaster. heho..somehow, I ended up in divorce. I divorced 4 years ago.

I had many girlfriends, but non couldn’t materialized. because my fantasy is different. I realized that I am different. I talked about it openly, with my potential wives. Few left me, saying I am different. Also, I am scared. Will the woman I marry will cuckold me and then leave me. So many questions.

My fantasy for looking for women never stopped. I think I became choosy. But inside me I am looking for a strong woman, who can cuckold me and never leaves me. But as all divorcees, I have my emotional baggage haunting me.