Experiment Pt. 2

Beginning of November 2018, about 3-4 months after we started the experiment, I felt we needed to really sit down and have a talk. So, I went to her and asked if she had further info of what she wanted in regard to the experiment and “seeing where things go”. She stated that she really liked where things were at with him and that she wanted to try going a little longer, but that I was still free to watch and masturbate as much as I wanted with the random exceptions of date-night-Fridays. So, I was supportive and told her I’d be willing to go a little longer.

A few more months go by, and it’s now nearing the end of February 2019, so I figured it was time to talk about the experiment again. I tried to be as supportive as possible when I started off the conversation. I told her that it looked like she was very happy when she is with him. And as I continued to talk, she did nod her head a little in affirmation. I went on to tell her that there were things that I noticed that she did with him that she had never done with me. Mind you, the very same week back in mid-July when she wanted to exclusively have sex only with our mutual friend, she tried anal with him and loved it. And anal way never something she tried with me. Not that I am ungrateful for any of the stuff that we did, but it just looked like when she was with him, she did not have any reserves.

She took a deep breath, and suggested that we try something, which I agreed to. She asked me to pull my penis out. While I did that, she stripped out of her clothes and we sat next to each other on the bed. She started giving me a handjob and began explaining that when she is with our friend, things feel more natural. The things she does with him feel more inclined to happen, as if they had always been meant to happen that way with him. But that with me, even though she loves me, and has enjoyed sex with me, there has always seemed to be a missing piece—a barrier. She said it feels more natural for her what we were doing at that point in time – her giving me a hand job – and that she’d feel better if we could make this a permanent thing, with routine one-on-one conversations and handjobs.

She explained that she doesn’t mind me seeing her naked nor does she mind me watching—all of that seems appropriate and fitting. She went on to explain that when she is with our friend and giving him a blowjob even, she said there is an overwhelming sense of anxiety she gets. Not in a bad way, but that her breath gets taken away, and it makes her melt. She “uncontrollably [begins] to moan and suck him profusely, which is something that never happened with [me].” So, that is part of the reason why she is ready and able to do things with him without hesitation. And I am not going to lie, she looks amazing and beautiful when she is with him, and I know just from watching her that what she shared with me is true.

I don’t feel like I will lose her to him. And she has said that she will never leave me regardless of how serious they get, and we are going to be married no matter what. But at the same time, I do not feel like she is “mine”. I feel like even though her and I do love each other very much, that what she has with him in a sense is deeper and stronger.? And I asked her about that and told her that it looked as if she was in love with him and that if she is then to please tell me because I want to support her through everything. She was very honest with me and said that she does love him and that when she is with him it’s like time stops and the world doesn’t exist. And I told her I could see that to be true. It is in her eyes every time she blows him.

I was very pleased with the conversation. I think we both were. It is nice to have everything out in the open. And I felt my love for her grow during that conversation. I was extremely aroused the entire conversation and handjob. She told me just how much she really does love him and how much she loves feeling him in her mouth, and how when he cums in her mouth that it feels as if he is passionately and intimately doing that. And she can’t help but feel the desire to passionately and intimately swallow him and even continue sucking him and moan uncontrollably. Which is a beautiful sight to witness btw, but when she told me all of that at the end, combined with the handjob I orgasmed very hard and long. And, even though some of the things that we talked about were difficult to hear, like I said the proof is right in front of my eyes so it would be silly to deny, or “not” see it.

So, I can understand why this arrangement is more natural, and better fitting for her—for us. What they have is something I have never experienced with her, and I am perfectly okay with that. Because instead of experiencing it physically, I get to witness it as if I am on the outside looking in. However, I’m actually very much on the inside, but looking in. And I get to fully witness and understand and appreciate just how capable she is of being truly, deeply, and passionately in love. It’s like even though she is my wife, in reality she is actually HIS. Traditionally, a wife would give that to her husband, but I am actually very happy to say that I love knowing that she so openly gives it to another man. It has made me more appreciate of what I have with her.

I do not care if she does not look at me or love me to that same magnitude. The fact that she is my wife is enough. And, I get to witness it first-hand and witness the euphoria in which she passionately and completely loves and takes him—that is in true essence of this marriage. So even though she will be my wife I have come to accept and be happy with the fact that this is something I will never experience from her that euphoric passion and deep sense of pure love that she has for him. It is just something that is not meant to be had between her and I. And even though this is all hard to admit—the truth is the truth.

That conversation we had, and the way in which we had it, took any and all possible risks of jealousy I may had experienced otherwise, and converted it into a positive salacious tone of voluptuous sensuality. And I want to make sure that this path that my fiancé and I are on stays this way. I have recently learned that it is a good idea to sit down, all three of us and talk this out, and make sure that we are all on the same page, and all want the same thing, and that there are no malicious undertones being set that could damage my fiancé and I’s engagement, wedding, or marriage.