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uxorious
Last night my wife and I had a pretty long (1.5hrs) talk about cuckolding. That word was never actually used, but we talked about the overall idea and fantasy. It did not go as well as I had hoped. She has known I have fantasies of her with other men for a while, so my goal was to get her to share and explore that fantasy with me pretty much through role playing. I only have a few minutes, so I won't be able to go into all the details about what was said and felt, but I'll try and paint a picture of where things stand.
Her response was that this is simply a fantasy that she has never had, and that it really doesn't do much for her, and it makes her a bit uncomfortable. She didn't freak out or anything, but just insisted that she doesn't every want anybody but me, even in fantasy. She doesn't have any desire to share that fantasy with me, and doesn't plan on role playing, or otherwise indulging this fantasy of mine.
But on the upside, she seemed to understand the roots of my fantasy. She didn't get fixated on the morality of it, or worry that I wanted to sleep with other women, or think that I didn't love her, or a lot of the other initial reactions one tends to hear about. I think she really understood that I was coming from a place of love and submission. She did mention that “it's ok to plant a seed, let it grow, and check on it later” which I took as some strong encouragement. Maybe she just needs space to explore the idea in her own head before exploring it with me?
So I promised not to pester her about it, but we both agreed that it would be ok as something to come back to later. That led to a talk of fantasies in general, and I really realized that I think my wife is sexually repressed. She didn't start masturbating until she was 18 years old, and the vast majority of her sexual experiences have been with me (she only had 1 other man before we were married). She doesn't frequently fantasize, and when she does it's pretty basic imagery (like fucking on a beach).
I told her that I kind of felt like I was in a situation where I had seen an amazing movie that she hadn't seen, Inception for example. I have seen Inception and thought it was an incredible movie, and my life was better having seen it. In this example she hasn't seen Inception. She isn't unhappy or unfulfilled, but I KNOW she would get as much out of the movie as I did. She understood the example, but pretty much responded with she's a fan of romantic comedies.
So I'm kind of stuck at the moment, and not really sure where to go. I know that right now time is on my side, and there is no hurry. I think what my next goal is going to be is to try and open her sexual imagination, get her either reading erotic stories, watching porn, or both and exploring what turns her on. Then once I get that ball rolling with some momentum, perhaps come back to the cuckolding thing.
I'm hoping my wife is just a bit of a sexual late bloomer.
Any thoughts or advice, as always, would be greatly appreciated!
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matmagic99
I can relate. First of all, let's give your lovely wife her props for being a loyal, committed wife to you. Sometimes I ask the question,”Jeez, how good do you have to have it?” But having said that, I feel similarly. I have not been cuckolded, and depending on the time of day, I vary in my desire or confidence that I could adapt to it adequately. My wife's initial reaction was similar to your wife's. However, by not pushing too hard, especially when it isn't a sexual situation anyway (because the topic is not as 'loaded in the cold light of day'), she plays and fantasizes more and more about it with me. I have had her try to find me some sexy books online, for instance. That way she takes part in the pursuit, without feeling pressured. Also, my wife loves to drink wine and I find I can play more about my fantasies when she has had some wine. We also keep our own romantic fires burning by getting away frequently where the energy can be spent almost totally on romantic notions, or mild public humiliations such as me holding her bags or her purse while she stands there in her sexy boots trying on clothes or walking ahead of me, etc. Loving patience will continue to serve you well, Veritas.
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Luvr
Simply being able to talk about the topic(s) is a good start. At this stage I would just encourage you to keep talking about this or any facet of her/your sexuality to make such communication easier and more enjoyable.
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mlc1
You’re going to have to take lots of small basic steps, one step at a time, and not try to shoot for the ultimate goal right from the start. Patience 🙂 Ease her into it – and yourself, too, because you probably aren’t as ready for it as you might think.
Start with proving to both of you that you’re really devoted to her satisfaction. Wear a chastity device and focus on her pleasure, without the supposition that she needs to dominate you. Have sex with her if she wants, satisfy her, but then withdraw before reaching your own orgasm and just tell her that you want to save it, because you’ve realized that you want and need sex with her, but you’re a better husband if you don’t cum as often. The next morning, be sure to get up early and cook breakfast for her. Show her what’s in it for her and give it to her, without requiring anything of her. Accept and worship her just as she is.
Don’t require her to dominate you or ask her to be something she isn’t – yet. Do it because it’s just the right thing to do. If you make no demands of her, but rather simply just make it easy for her to accept your service, it will be difficult for her to resist. But don’t suddenly turn into a limp noodle either; she may still want you to seem strong and masculine and be alarmed if you suddenly seem to go soft on her. It’s a balancing act, but think about what she wants – not how you want things to be.
How often do you (still clothed) get down between her legs and ask to give her oral sex? Morning, after work, and again before bed? Do you get up early to cook her breakfast?
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uxorious
Thanks for the advice mic. We do a lot of chastity play as is (don’t wear a CB often because it gets in the way when I’m at work), and she really does enjoy it. I try to keep it low pressure most of the time and just follow her lead. It’s been a long road, but we’ve gotten to the point where she genuinely seems to understand my submissive side and engage it when she’s in the mood. I’m a submissive 100% of the time, she’s a Domme maybe 20% of the time, and it works well for us.
As far as how often I go down on her, not nearly as often as I’d like. Real life interference (work, kids, etc) tends to restrict the amount of time we have to get intimate, and she’s been in a bit of a low libido slump since we had our second kid (it happened while she was breast feeding with the first as well, so most likely a temporary situation). But I go down on her probably about once a week, and probably every other week or so it’s dedicated just to her without any reciprocation. She’s not the kind of woman that wants it 3 times a day. If she was, I’d be happy to oblige! But around the house I do most of the housework, run most of the errands, and cook her breakfast whenever I can.
Thanks again for the advice!
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hallnh
I totally identify with uxorious‘s situation. I would love to know how things are working out for him and his wife now that some months have passed. Any update?
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uxorious
matmagic99
Luvr
mlc1
hallnh
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