Hot”girlfriend” needing help getting started

Buttercup, what a thoughtful post. There is a lot in here, and i can only respond to a few things first off. Luvr has lots more experience to share. Anyway, some thoughts…

Its pretty useful for an assertive lady to engineer a few test humiliations that assure the husband that you enjoy doing that and his submission to the same is something that you warmly welcome, even require. Its important to scale these and select where you use them. They are designed to reassure him that you want his submission beyond the bedroom (where many into BDSM compartmentalize it). You see cuckolding is deeply psychological. So try watching a raunchy (not a blue) movie, one where some sex scenes emerge and where you can comment on the ability of the male lover, his sexual credentials and how much superior he is to your man. You have to talk calmly, casually about this. Its not a lecture or a manifesto. It will I believe arouse him so then you can talk about your needs. Try talking about how your sexuality grew, what you discovered about yourself. Fro example, ‘back in college it always seemed so hot that the sporty guys got to pick the sexiest girls, that they fucked them and had the best sex lives. It just seemed so right and natural.’ This is about humiliation, but it shares stuff too about attitudes and beliefs. Deep down a hotwife is elitest and frank about sex.

If that goes well you can extend some of the gentle humiliation into public places too. Start with strangers though,not close friends who will freak your man out. At a bar flirt with another guy in front of your man, remark on how sophisticated, intelligent, successful the other guy seems (its not just about physique-you notice everything!). You need to temper this, always glancing at your boyfriend to let him know you are consciously working his emotions. Afterwards, always talk about it, how instinctive flirting is for you and how hot it is to have him nearby when you do that. He needs to know how necessary he is at the scene, helping you enjoy the prick tease. Its not an imminent dump you thing! If he submits with relief to the experience, remarking how hot you are, then reward that. Ask whether he needs to wank, to lick your sex, and go for it. Associate in his head, reward with submission.

The bull quest is worth a dozen discussion threads in its own right. But suffice to say first off that you need to frequent places with intelligent and masculine men are more common. A bull with big cock and little brain is a disaster. He wrecks havoc because he cannot understand, nor manage a menage a trois later. You will train your boyfriend in a mutually satisfying and decidedly unequal sexual relationship and he will guide on that. So he needs emotional intelligence, a conviction that the sexiest people couple and that others are designed to support that. He has to have conviction about that, your right to insist on the best sex. But he will need too to ride the doubts and the angst that you report. A calm, authoritative steer is required as he enjoys you but invests in you as a couple, helping to make three work. Where do you find him-in sporty places, clubs and associations where men of social rank gather, and where masculinity is celebrated. Its probably a place you like anyway-because the different appeal of the sexes is accentuated. Men are men and women are women.

Buttercup,

Welcome to the site. The basic concept I would suggest you two consider is one that helps new couples explore BDSM while feeling there are boundaries out there somewhere. You need to feel empowered to have control, he needs to feel empowered to give up that control. Both of you want those roles without it putting your relationship at risk. To do that, you take small steps, led by you.

I would suggest establishing some basic boundaries (you may have done so already) with regard to other men. For example, it’s your right as his Domme to flirt and even make dates with other men, but it is your obligation to your cuckold that he know of any flirtation, any dates made. For every rule that benefits one of you, there should be an ‘opposing’ rule that counters it. If I establish a rule of denial for a cuckold in some form i.e.; he can only fuck you after a date – then the counter rule would be you may not deny him intercourse after a date, so ensure you are ready and welcoming of it or you violate the spirit of said rule.

If you establish rules which define when his penis must be restrained, also establish some which define when he must be freed – and given release, by you, directly, to make his investment in submission pay off.

A relationship is much like a muscle in that it must be exercised or it will atrophy. When you purposely stress the traditional boundaries of marriage together by introducing another male, you are very effectively exercising the marriage.

You said he was upset. How so? Despite being ‘upset’ in some way, was his penis erect for you? Never let a cuckold hide behind his negative emotions when his truth detector is saying otherwise. A degree of conflict is both natural and expected, but if his penis is throbbing, then to focus or allow him to focus on the negative aspects of the experience would be counterproductive. Use the ‘evidence’ of his having enjoyed it as well to discuss what he DID enjoy.