Leading but with a submissive side?

I have gone all the way from hidden cuckold wanna be to experience a few sessions with my wife, both with an extra man and with 2 couples.

The initiative to explore this lifestyle has always come from me. I had a feeling my wife was having “a deeper layer” but I popped the fantasy of her with another man first. I groomed the idea in her mind, and finally gave her a “gift card” to a massage by a “kinky man” with the underlying idea it could lead to more… and it did, since I picked the man and arranged everything so it turned out that way.

We later played with 2 couples and again I took the initiative and she followed with pleasure. But in each setup, I kinda took a passive role while my wife was very active with the male (and female) parts with me watching… And I learned I liked to watch my wife with someone else more than being with someone else myself. At our last encounter with a couple, the other man ended up fucking my wife hard till she came while I was sitting just beside together with her wife watching like in trance.

We don’t play often, but my wife has been way more outgoing, and the next guy we (probably) is going to see is someone she found in town. I have texted with him and find he’s a good guy but all the dirty communication is now between him and my wife directly. I gets “updated” but she clearly has the initiative….and to my surprise I like to be passive and observing.

Another thing I noticed is the guys we end up playing with always seem to like taking the lead. They don’t humiliate me or such things, it just turns out they “take over” and seduce my wife, most cases even in private with me listening or watching in a public place. She really likes this setup and turns out completely soft and playful in a way I’ve never seen her before.

I would not consider myself submissive in other aspects of life, but wonder if my sexual role really is submissive? I have been “arranging and encouraging” this to happen, but in some sort of ways she’s taking over, all though she’s by far a “shy and supporting wife” in all other aspects of life.

Is leading and following relative to what context people are in? So I could be the dominant partner with my wife but when a “real” Dom comes into the game I turn out as submissive??