Home discussion Lifestyle Discussions True Experiences Let go of angst or does something need to change?

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    • #29261
      Nick Sanders

        My wife recently connected with a new bull, had two dates, then set up a meeting at a hotel room alone with him. This was the first time in a long time she was going to meet a guy alone to have sex. I knew she wanted to do this and I encouraged it. But as the day approached I was anxious and knew I’d miss being present as I had been most of the other times she’d had sex with another man.

        When the day arrived I could tell my wife was also nervous. Much more so than I thought.

        She teased me alittle at midday with texts about looking forward to getting
        “fucked.” The exchanges were hot. But otherwise she felt unusually withdrawn. She stopped responding in a conversation her bull, herself and I were having through an email thread. She’d not responded to other cuckold texts I sent, (but did respond to other non sexual texts) and forgot a long text I sent asking how she was feeling the upcoming night.

        Normally when she goes on a date she dominates me before going, giving me chores, even spanking or edging me.

        None of that this time. Instead she listened to the news as she dressed. I asked her how she was feeling and she grew kind of grim and said that doing this, having sex with a guy for play wasn’t consistent with her values. She clarified saying that she normally expected that having sex with a guy would lead to a long term relationship. “It’s not consistent with my sexual pattern.” she said.

        This surprised me. Eventually I said, “maybe you shouldn’t go.” She shook her head and packed her vibrator.

        When I kissed her goodbye I told her it felt like she was going off to a court hearing. She said “it’s okay.”

        An hour and a half later her face appeared on my FaceTime screen. She was grinning broadly, naked, her legs opened, about to be entered by the bull.

        I felt relief. My angst lifted. I quickly got hard, stroked myself, and bantered with the two of them while he fucked her deeply. It was a very hot moment. But after ten minutes she said she was going silent. (She later said he started getting soft with me on FaceTime and that’s why she hung up)

        Once she hung up I fell back into my angst. I heard from her once more but was out walking and couldn’t see them on my screen so we hung up.

        Normally we have hot sex when she returns from even just a date. This time we fought. I told her I felt she’d thrown cold water on the whole experience. She got defensive. I acknowledged she might have been nervous (cuckoldress angst) and that my angst was especially high because she was going alone and I’d never met this guy in person. We eventually made love and my angst has lowered considerably.

        But it’s still got a something of a grip on me. I’m trying to wait it out but I feel I need to say something.

        The problem for me, at least what I’m telling myself, was that she didn’t dominate me before she left which left me feeling excluded. And I’m telling myself that had she, just before leaving, given me several chores to do, paddled me or edged me and then FaceTimed for ten minutes I would have stayed in submissive role and had a hot night.

        Maybe I’m fooling myself. Maybe I would have found something else to pick at.

        I think the dynamic we brought about has to do with her needing to be able to put her needs first in order to focus on having this new experience (being alone) with a new bull when at the same time I had a greater than normal need for her to be my Mistress and engage in our D/s roles which would leave me feeling connected through the sexual submission I love.

        Any thoughts, perspectives or suggestions about how to communicate with her would be appreciated.

      • #29266
        stonemtncouple

          This is how I look at my wifes play time. Its hers and hers alone. Its her time to be free of me and everything else and focus exclusively on her pleasure. Its a vacation from the reality of daily life.
          Do I feel left out? Sure I do. But I love her enough to give her the freedom to fuck who ever when ever she wants and to do it just for herself.

          Sometimes she rewards me with a few pictures or audio records it for me but not always. Sometimes she wants to forget she’s married and want to feel like a no strings attached slut!

          I love her so much.

        • #29267
          Nick Sanders

            Thanks for the response stonemtcouple. It’s great to hear how accepting and loving you are towards your wife and her play. My wife, since we started this play, which started at the beginning of our relationship, has often expressed an interest in having a bull/boyfriend that is a relationship just for her, where she can let go of concerns about me or us and life in general. I’ve made progress towards genuinely being able to do that but I still struggle. In time I think I’ll be fine.

          • #29269
            stonemtncouple

              Hello Nick,
              Im not special in any way. I’ve felt hurt and depressed many times when shes had a overnight with her FWB or Bull and she didn’t take any pics or record any video or audio for me. When asked she would say they started fucking as soon as she got there and didn’t have time to take pics or press record etc. Thats all Bull Shit excuses. The fact is she wanted to devote 100% of her attention on the man she was with and didn’t want to start worrying about me or my feelings. It is hard enough for her to go fuck another man to begin with. She has to get into a selfish mindset to really enjoy sex with another man. Once she gets into the moment she’s all enraptured but it takes something for her to get there.
              I understand now but its taken years for me to understand how her mind works. I love that she’s a Hotwife!!

              I wouldn’t ever want her to stop fucking other men.
              You are not alone in your feelings as the hubby home alone. I feel the same way.

            • #29270
              Nick Sanders

                My wife has a lot of similarities. She gets caught up with another guy and feels resentment that I have a need to be a part of it, to hear details, know how she felt, what she liked or what was hot for her. Those needs of mine quickly feel burdensome to her, at least at times. I realize it’s a lot to ask of her to be dominating me while she’s wooing and fucking another guy. More than not I’ve been present doing a threesome where I watch and participate after she and he are done but she’s wanting to be more independent and have a full date night alone with a guy, drinks dinner and then back to his place to fuck without worry about staying in touch with me or worrying about how I’ll react when she gets home. This transition to her being alone with a bull has been rough but she often at still enjoys teasing, edging and denying me. I love it that she cuckolds me…disputed its challenges it’s been great fun for us. Created many priceless memories.

              • #29281
                stonemtncouple

                  I think our wives want at times what would be defined as a Open Marriage instead of a Cuckold marriage.
                  Being a cuckold does take a lot of attention time and commitment from the wife.
                  I love that my wife enjoys fucking other men. That in itself is enough for me.
                  She does allow me to see her txts with her other men and keeps me informed of her dates and what her plans are.
                  I can let my imagination do the rest and that is very erotic.

                • #29283
                  Bellaazz

                    Reading your post firms up my feeling that the rule my wife and I have that I am present when she is with another man. I know every couple is different, but that angst and worry are not a turn on to me. I understand the imagination can be very erotic for some but it just wouldn’t work for us. Luckily my wife is on the same page, she gets much more turned on with me watching and feels safer with me there. She does request some alone time with her bull while they are together occassionally but most of the time, I am encouraged to watch them. He enjoys me watching too. But thank you for your post because it was enlightening.

                  • #29285
                    stonemtncouple

                      Yes on occasion I watch and play when she’s with a new Bull especially a new man for safety and comfort reasons.

                      It is so much fun to watch and video her.

                      • #29286
                        Bellaazz

                          Yes it is ! If you ever want to exchange pics and videos with me, let me know !

                      • #29288
                        stonemtncouple

                          I post most all of our pics on the site. ourhotwives.org
                          Look for posts from stonemtncouple.

                        • #29289
                          Nick Sanders

                            Bellaazz the hottest and most gratifying scenes we’ve shared have been when I was present. My wife enjoys topping me especially in the presence of a bull. She too enjoys how turned on I get while watching.

                          • #29290
                            Bellaazz

                              Nick Sanders: I agree there, the hottest times are for us is when I am watching her. Her regular bull gets off big time on taking her and using her in front of me too !

                              • #29291
                                Nick Sanders

                                  I envy you and your wife having found “regular” bull. We’d like to find a guy like that but almost all the guys we’ve connected with turn out to be pretty flaky and at best, haphazardly available. By far that’s been the most frustrating aspect of our efforts to get into this lifestyle.

                              • #29292
                                Bellaazz

                                  That’s too bad. We are very lucky that our neighbor was an experienced bull and understood the dynamics of a good hotwife/cuckold/bull relationship when he started with my wife. I have met a couple bulls online who seem to understand this relationship but I guess you don’t know until it actually happens. What do you mean by “flaky” ? Probably takes a lot of communication to find the right one

                                  • #29293
                                    Nick Sanders

                                      By flaky I mostly mean either none responsive, send shallow minimal responses or stop responding after saying they’re interested and really into getting together, or the cancel at the last minute, or can’t schedule a firm date. She’s had a few guys she’s been on five or six dates with and then they just disappear. It’s emotionally tiring and spoils the pleasure.

                                  • #29297
                                    stonemtncouple

                                      We have had the best luck with known verified swingers. We meet initially through swinger sites like SDC or SLS then through meet and greet parties and introduction from other couples we found 2 solid men that enjoy fucking married women with hubby present or not. We are going on 7 year relationships with them. Now She fucks them at most once every two months and sometimes much longer dry spells. One of her best Bulls was a boyfriend she dated prior to meeting me. She reconnected at my urging and they were fucking once a week for a good year.

                                      Single men we have found will eventually flake out. They find a steady girlfriend or want a deep emotional relationship. Married men seem to be the best for us. They are gentlemen, are very safe, and love to fuck another mans wife.

                                      • #29298
                                        Nick Sanders

                                          We’ve considered married men but only if they have genuinely open marriages. And I do think married guys would in many ways be more consistent, appreciative and safer. My wife had an ex she attempted to connect with but was single and well, kind of flaked our.

                                      • #29303
                                        stonemtncouple

                                          Yes single men are single for a reason. There are some great single men who just don’t want a committed relationship, she has hooked up with a few but they don’t last longterm.

                                          Cheating married men have been very very good to her. I know many have a moral issue with that which is kinda funny but the lying and deceit is all on them. We just don’t ask.

                                        • #29306
                                          Nick Sanders

                                            I’ve often thought a guy in an unsatisfying marriage would make a good bull. My wife actually had a pleasant and hot ongoing email exchange for a couple of months with a guy who turned out to be married. She was really disappointed.

                                          • #29315
                                            stonemtncouple

                                              Yes, Those guys typically are hungry for some good sex. Will want a ongoing relationship.

                                              If their schedules are very restricted then that does not work for my Hotwife.

                                            • #29317
                                              Nick Sanders

                                                Unless the guy had a clearly open marriage my wife would grow anxious about a married guy’s wife finding out and knocking down our front door. We just had a hot night at a local swing club on a night when they let single guys in. We might stick with that. There were plenty of guys interested in my wife.

                                              • #29322
                                                stonemtncouple

                                                  Thats terrific! What is the name of the swing club? We have enjoyed Trapeze and Colette’s.

                                                • #29324
                                                  Nick Sanders

                                                    We were at Collettes. Single ke guys could come in. So there were lots of guys for my wife to choose from.

                                                  • #29325
                                                    Nick Sanders

                                                      It’s funny what memories stand out. We had fun at Collettes but what really got to me though, what reminded me that my wife has a real desire to live the cuckold lifestyle occurred the next morning. I left to go get a massage. I was gone for a couple of hours. Later that night with the lights out, kissing, about to make love, I asked her if she masturbated. “I did while you were getting a massage.”

                                                      “Did you use your vibrator,” I asked.

                                                      “I did,” she said.

                                                      “Did you fantasize?” I asked.

                                                      “I did,” she said “I fantasized about Jonathan.

                                                      The guy she’d played with the night before was Tom. Jonathan is the guy she fucked in the story that began this thread. They continue emailing. She sent him a long description of what happed at the swing club. A story she would never have written just for me or for our blog. She hopes to develop an ongoing relationship with Johnny, who she can date, have a drink with and fuck on a regular basis. Fuck, sometimes with me there but often alone with just him. That’s really where my wife would like to take our cuckolding.

                                                    • #29346
                                                      stonemtncouple

                                                        Congratulations! Wow what a story! Great pillow talk, hope you fucked her good!
                                                        Were you at Colette’s NOLA or Dallas?

                                                        We had a great time at Colette’s NOLA in December of 2015. I arranged two men to join us for a MMMF . She had a great time. We were the only people playing in the play rooms on a Thursday night. It was very nice to have the upper floor to our selves. They kissed and undressed her in the upper lounge area before taking her to a play room. Very erotic memeories of that time.

                                                      • #29347
                                                        Bellaazz

                                                          We also found married men to be best, especially those in a sexually frustrating marriage. They want sex and not a relationship. No drama. Single guys can be a real pain in our experience.

                                                          • #29358
                                                            Nick Sanders

                                                              We’re learning that might be the case with us as well. It’s kind of frustrating as it would seem like a good opportunity for a guy to have a regular sexual opportunity with
                                                              an attractive woman but the flakiness is surprising.

                                                              • #29366
                                                                Bellaazz

                                                                  Yes, it is pretty incredible to think a guy can pass up on an opportunity to have sex with a beautiful, sexy woman with no strings attached on a regular basis but it seems like they sometimes can’t handle it. Married men at least know a good thing (situation) when they see it

                                                                • #29367
                                                                  Nick Sanders

                                                                    I think we’re moving towards a don’t ask don’t tell attitude though in our initial communication we do say we do not want to play with married men who are deceiving their wives.

                                                                  • #29368
                                                                    Bellaazz

                                                                      Yeah that works. We just ask if they are married and go from there. Good luck !!!

                                                                • #29374
                                                                  stonemtncouple

                                                                    We meet them in person and find out what their availability is, will they get std blood tested, and see if their is any sexual chemistry for her.

                                                                    If all is good on these issues its a go for a first date.
                                                                    She only meets Men that have several verifications from swinger sites from other couples or referred from friends or was a previous boyfriend.

                                                                    When we haven’t followed our rules they turned out to be flakes.

                                                                    Live and Learn, live and hopefully learn.

                                                                  • #37269
                                                                    cuck4life

                                                                      Having angst is just common for me in our relationship. We agreed early on that once we have established that shes in a safe environment she would focus entirely on the other guy. This being said I never know if I will be evolved or not and know this gentleman will be in control. She is slightly submissive and likes to accommodate her lovers. From our experience most guys prefer to not have me around but do like making it clear to me they are in control.

                                                                    • #37276
                                                                      Bellaazz

                                                                        I think angst is part of what makes being a cuckold so exciting !

                                                                      • #37285
                                                                        stonemtncouple

                                                                          For me that feeling of angst is delicious. Its such an adrenaline rush! OMG. Thrill rides lower my heart rate, normal fears from speed, heights, do nothing. But my wife going out on a fuck date! OMG my heart pounds, my thoughts race, my cock is stone hard, I can’t concentrate Im so excited and scared, and turned on its like a drug for me a fun high! I feel truly out of control and love it.

                                                                        • #37292
                                                                          Bellaazz

                                                                            I agree with you 100%. My wife usually plays only with me present but the few times she has gone off alone, I thought I was going to have a heart attack ! It is like an out of body experience

                                                                          • #38821
                                                                            Cuckoldpsychology

                                                                              Damn same problem here ,We started talking about cuckolding after she caught my chat with a dominatrix which i had an encouter with.after that i explained to her that i like to do weird stuff and i seek novelty and i was embarresed to tell her.

                                                                              From there we started exploring our sexuality (after forgiving me ) and i promised all my fetishes will be talked to her 😂.

                                                                              So she started dominating me and ci confessed to her that id like to try being a cuckold while im on chastity.

                                                                              First experience (no sex):was the best ,she went and had a drink with a friend she used to have sex with after the drink ,they went in the car and she called me and hid her phone while she was kissing him and playing with her pussy i imediatly cummed like crazy it was like a drug,wow,we met the next day and had awesome sex.

                                                                              2nd experience first time with sex :she talked to me about her ex like 7 years ago and told me he is talking to her and told me he is married and wont be a pain in the ass just fuck buddies ,i liked the idea especially that she told me his cock didnt use to fit in her.

                                                                              Aftet like 1 year from the first experience we did this 2nd experience ,and i was expecting her to call ,she told me before leaving that it may be hard to call since she suggested sex while i watch and he didnt like the idea and was against it since hes married,soo she told me when she arrived and no call ,no voice note no videos no nothing ,but texted me telling me shes enjoying it too much ,and is in pain .

                                                                              I replied that im not ok eith her not calling and im not happy ,she left and came and apologized.

                                                                              I dunno i feel weird and uncomfortable of what happened especially that i have trust issues simce i beleive no person is monogomus and people cant be satisfied with one partner.

                                                                              Btw this is all while it is my first day in chastity and she didnt let me cum which is hot.

                                                                              She came and told me that she had an amazing sex and that her pussy is swollen and i cant fuck her cuz shes in pain and told me he made her cum 4 times and teased her,and that she was soo in the moment and fount it hard to record or call.

                                                                              My question :would you leave your girlfriend and lifestyle if trust is kinda broken,how do u deal with emotions ?do u loose self respect ?

                                                                              Sorry for the long article im kinda new snd this is the only place i have read stuff and can open up.
                                                                              And do u think its healthier long term if only aex when im there

                                                                              Thank you ❤️

                                                                            • #38823
                                                                              Londonstartercouple

                                                                                1 im not ok eith her not calling and im not happy ,she left and came and apologized.
                                                                                2. i feel weird and uncomfortable of what happened especially that i have trust issues simce i beleive no person is monogomus and people cant be satisfied with one partner.
                                                                                3. would you leave your girlfriend and lifestyle if trust is kinda broken,
                                                                                4. how do u deal with emotions ?do u loose self respect ?
                                                                                5. And do u think its healthier long term if only sex when im there

                                                                                Quick answers:
                                                                                You have trust issues. But she hasn’t in fact betrayed you. Sure, she wasn’t able to call and so you weren’t able to listen in. But you can understand how difficult that could be to do at the time. She came straight back when you told her you were upset.
                                                                                When you are upset, it is OK to show it – as calmly as you can. You don’t lose self-respect. It is better to be honest with yourself and your girlfriend about how you feel.
                                                                                It upsets you when she has sex alone with another guy – especially her Ex. It’s not the sex that upsets you but the worry that she will fall again for him and leave you. So yes, maybe you’ll have a better time if you are there and the event remains strictly sexual.
                                                                                But you must recognise that many women don’t want just sex, they do want some connection with the guy they are having sex with. I don’t think you can cope with that right now. Maybe best if you stop now and keep this in reserve for sex on holiday, when you can leave it behind when you come home.
                                                                                Talk to your girl about how you feel. She sounds like a nice girl. One to keep. Don’t break with her. These are your own trust issues, not her being unfaithful.

                                                                              • #38885
                                                                                CRCouple
                                                                                Participant

                                                                                  As a cuck to a Hotwife, circumstances are going to occur that we have to get used to. Spontaneity is something a hotwife needs for fulfillment. Talk to her but realize its about her.

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