Need comments on a big critical decision…

Hi… warm greetings to all. this is an amazing site and this is my first post here. I have a question in my mind that i’ve been holing inside for a while now.

I want to know if it is wrong to plan to cuckold my husband without discussing openly or without his consent. To put it straight, I want to slowly manipulate him and trick him into cuckoldry. I want to make it look like everything was situational and things just happened. I know it will be hard for any of you guys to put a non-judgemental comment. I know I sound like a horrible person and may be I am one for many reasons… (like for cheating on him is one). But no one else is in my position and to my conscious, I know I am doing this for a better future for both of us (or as it is mentioned in site… win-win).

I will try to give you a short background. We are married for 5 years now. I am 28 and my husband is 37. He is a very sweet, caring and loving person. He loves me a lot and keeps me pampered all the time. I love him with my all my heart and I love everything about him, except for his sexual inadequacy and insecurities about me. He is smaller than average down there and quicker than… well I’d say below average. I understand where his insecurities come from, party because of his inadequacy, partly because of our age difference and partly because the way I am (friendly, sociable… but in his words flirty, inviting etc). I do take responsibility for some his insecurities for the fact that… yes, I was cheating on him. Sometimes I feel bad about it and sometimes I don’t. I tried long time not to go down that path… almost 4 long years. Also it was’t like I suddenly decided to cheat on him. In an heated up situation, I couldn’t be strong to stop his (the guy I slept with) advances. I knew he was taking advantage but I gave in. I think it was inevitable… today or tomorrow.

First couple of year things were ok. He always tried to compensate orally or involving toys. He was sweet and appreciating his efforts, I didn’t feel unsatisfied or frustrated. Things started getting worse after I took this current job 2 years back. His initial insecurities were with my dress-up like, “isn’t that one less button, I think your cleavage shows little too much” or like “hey are you wearing that to your office? I can see the nipples poking out”. It was a cozy office environment and everyone dressed nice. I tried not to react to his comments most of the time but I really got frustrated over time because my dress-up was far from slutty, just a tad sexy may be. Yes I love to feel sexy (which girl doesn’t) and should I give that up for his insecurities? At one point he started feeling insecured about everything, like from me having a couple of drink with colleagues in bar after office, to talking to a male colleague over phone a little long and may be laughing at something. To him, I was being flirty and inviting. But don’t get me wrong… i wasn’t like we were always fighting or like he tried to stop me from doing anything. He is too sweet to do that. But he just keeps nagging about things like that.

In last march, something happened. It was our financial closing and I had to work late almost everyday. After first few days he started his usual nagging. I tried to wrap up as early as possible everyday but due to the added stressed, I couldn’t keep my calm and we started fighting almost everyday. It affected my work and in a few days I was a mess. My pending work was piling up the deadline was near. The next I day (it was friday) I decided to pull my shit together and I told him I was gonna finish all my work today even if it means midnight or tomorrow morning. He kept nagging over phone and text. At one point I switched off my phone out of anger and frustation. To all my surprise, at around 9pm he showed up in my office reception drunk. You know how it goes, he created a scene and started shouting and I started crying and all that. I got stubborn and I firmly told him that I will go when I finish my job and he should leave. At this stage my boss (who also happened to be my mentor during my orientation) came down to handle the situation. He bursted out even more and started cursing and saying nasty things involving me to my boss. I was so humiliated and shamed that I didn’t know what to do. I turned around and went back inside the lift, my boss followed. Thanks to security my husband couldn’t and eventually he left. In the lift I was shaking and crying. My boss took me in his arms and tried to calm me down. He took me to his office and we sat on the couch. He fixed me a drink and told me that I could talk to him if I wanted. I wasn’t in much sense. I kept crying and I started sharing. I was feeling so guilty and ashamed because how my husband behaved with him and all that nonsense he told my boss. I kept saying sorry to him and how helpless I felt. This went on for a while… I think for 45 mins to one hour. By this time I had couple of more drinks. At one point he hold my hand and asked me to get up. He took me to the washroom (attached to his office) and was helping me was my face. I was feeling weak and much of my body weight was on him. When he was helping me to pat my face dry I started to cry again hugging him on his shoulders. Eventually it led to kissing. I don’t know why it felt so natural to me, but there was no hesitation in me to kiss him back. If I look back, he was big and averagely handsome, but before that day I never even felt any attraction towards him. In his arms, I felt so much secured, I think I never felt it in my husbands arms. When he touched my boobs, it was electrifying. At one point he asked me are you sure you want this? I couldn’t say no and yes.. then we fucked. It was an amazing experience… I was almost in dreamy trance state.

I didn’t want to return to my apartment. Partly because I didn’t want to confront my drunk husband and partly because I didn’t want to face him freshly fucked by my boss. I was thinking about some calling some friend to crash but my boss said we could go to his apartment. Finally we went to a hotel and booked a room. One of the best night I ever spent, sexually.

It was not just about how big he was or how long he could fuck… it was being with a man. My husband gave much more attention to my orgasms and satisfaction than him, hardly focused on his own needs. He does everything in a very sweet manner and like when he ejaculates inside me after humping just a couple of minute, i feel he is cute and adorable. On the other hand, my boss cared much less about my orgasms, pounded more on the rough side, hold me in a tight grip when he was doing it from the back… i felt this is what i needed for an eternity. In the morning I switched on my phone and kept getting his texts that he was sorry and he is worried about me and stuff. We stayed in the hotel till evening.

I got back to our apartment and my husband was there… sobered up. We didn’t talk a single word till we were in bed. When in the bed he kept on with his usual nagging asking for forgiveness. I said I will forgive you for everything but for what all you said to my boss, I can never forgive you. He said he will go to him and say sorry to him. I said you have no idea how supportive he was yesterday even after all your humiliation, if it wasn’t for him, god knows what i would have to myself. My husband desperately said he is greatful for that and he is willing to do anything to thank him. He wanted to call him right away to say sorry in front of me. He insisted on that. I called my boss and said my husband want to say sorry. I think that was another turning point for me when my husband took the phone and started with “sir”. He said things like, “sir, I am so so sorry for what I did… bla… bla… and I know how nice and supportive you had been to my wife yesterday and I can’t thank you enough for that, I want to express my gratitude… just tell me how… bla… bla”.

I didn’t know much about cuckolding at that time. But I felt a sheer thrill and excitement and kink knowing my husband is kneeling and saying thank you to a man who just fucked his wife all night long (ofcourse he did’t know). that conversation of him triggered something in me that led me to site today.

I will cut short my story. I took a while to be fully normal with my husband. Me and my boss continued fucking, at least a couple of times in a week. We both laughed at my husband’s that telephone conversation. I shared with my boss everything… my husbands inadequacy, then my excitement on his saying thank for for fucking my wife good… all. He introduced me with the idea to cuckold my husband. Since then I had been researching online. Last few months, I took few steps to involve him voluntarily. I watched porn with him and tried to bring out the subject of threesome or swing. I even wanted to start with a FMF threesome just break his ice. But he is stubborn and possesive as hell when it comes about sex and me. I think this also has to do with his inadequacy. He is shy and afraid about going in front of anyone with his tool I guess. I also tried to openly discuss on the topic of my needs recently and it bloody didn’t go well. Right now he is again in a phase just like he was before march… maybe a little more. I also think he is starting to suspect my affair.

I don’t know why and how, in last six month i feel like i went through a huge change sexually. I cravings and sex drives increased tremendously. I watch lot more porn and read stories than I ever did before. I remain horny and feel funny at times. I feel affectionate towards my husband but I lost almost all interest to get sexual with him. I have sex with him just because we need to keep things rolling and because I really don’t want to lose him. I want his love, care and sweetness… minus the sex part. I know its weird but well I can be all honest here since I can post under an alias.

Now back to what I said at the very beginning. I don’t think talking with all honesty with my husband at this point will result in a pure disaster. Also, I can’t continue like this because sooner or later he will find out about my affair and my urges. There is no going back now. My boss introduced me with a friend (friend of friend actually) who has cuckolded her husband. She is a model and she says she has a proven method for sure shot. She will help me in each step. But the only downside is, it involves keeping my husband in total dark. It involves careful psychological manipulation, humiliation and hurting and feminization upto an extend. She says it will take about 6 month to one year when I will be able to fully open up with my husband and from that point he will be a willing candidate on his own.

I took a weeks time from her to decide. So far i am positive that I will go with plan. But I wanted to share this here in this forum to get some fresh perspective from all you guys. I’ll really appreciate your comments.

Thanks guys. Cheers.