New York beta male looking to give myself to a wonderful woman

In college I had the experience of being with a fantastic and gorgeous woman who mostly enjoyed having me as her toy. She loved watching me masturbate, and even made me perform for a few friends of hers. However, I was never allowed to have sex with her (or even see her naked). She said that having had these other women see me masturbating, she would feel uncomfortable having my cock in her. But since she needed to have sex, she found other partners, whereas a zip-tie was put around my testicles so that I couldn't have sex with anyone else (we didn't know about chastity devices, otherwise I would most likely have been in one).

When we split up (she moved away to go to grad school) I thought it would be so wonderful to have sex again, but with all the girlfriends I've had since nothing has compared to giving myself so freely and totally to someone. I'd like to find someone who will enjoy my sacrifice to her.